The Memoirs of King Eric, Tall Tellings and Truths
by Carroll E. Stewart
Summary: My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion. I am because of the chromosomes that went to xy and not xx. Today is the 4th of July and I, King Eric, am celebrating my independence! Hence, my autobiography is as follows: The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand."
1. Chapter 1

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter One

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. _The Canon for Miss Harris' stories still stands for books One through Ten._

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter One

_Today is the 4__th__ of July and it is I, King Eric, celebrating my independence! __Hence, my autobiography __is as follows:_

_**The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand."**_

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion. I have been with him since the chromosomes went to **xy** and not **xx.** So, all though not there at the very beginning, I soon made my presence, known. And even before he took his first breath, we were boon companions. Him yanking on me while still in his mother's womb does not have the effect on me that it does now. Happy New Year! _

_My other two friends and I, we are who Eric commonly refers to as "his boys". _

_I've got news for him, we are his boon companions and we are our own boys. We make our own sweet deals and we do not need him and his massive, muscled, Viking body with his long blond braids and perfect ass to make things happen. We happen to have muscles all our own. As long as his feet walk us in the right direction, we are capable of smiling, winking, and talking, as well. And doing push ups…we excel at those!_

_I know that there has been a lot written about me. Up to this point in history, I dare say, that quite possibly I am the most fantasized about, written about, talked about, biggest asset out there. _

_Just how big am I? Ms. Stewart is correct. I am more that nine inches of wood and substantially concentrated in circumference and I have been told my girth is very filling and I have stretched all that I have encountered._

_Are you a woman with multiple births? In the past, I would say I can get the job done with a wink and a smile. There would be a lot of screaming on your part and I would make a believer out of you. I said wham, bam, thank you ma'am, first. _

_But, please, no to the specifics. I do try to keep a certain modest decorum. _

_At times, this is very difficult, because have you met The Viking? Really, what an ego! As human, he would bet a cask of mead to who ever the newest trader was that had come to our village as to who was the bigger. They would both whip them out and off would walk Eric, me still hard and him tickled that he had a cask of mead and I have not been tickled at all! What a tease! _

_And then there were all those times he would pee. What was that about? There I am, I have been set free and am being flashed around and shook off and tucked back in! He would drive me insane! I am feeling the breezes and the warmth of his hand and is it yes or no, yes or no, yes or no, yes or no? If he was by himself, sometimes it would be yes! But not always! So you can see sometimes why I get a little confused._

_If I was running this show there would nothing but sex and no talking. That boy does so run at the bull shit mouth! Miss Sookie calls him King of the Bull Shitters for a reason. This is not a new name to him. Ever since I have known him…! _

_But, this is my story, not his. I am flattered and of course yet humbled at the same time by all the attention. Eric's pet name for me is King Eric. Which pleases me and his rosy palm. During his Viking days, I was called The Rudder! Which also pleased me, his rosy palm and several ladies. Miss Sookie calls me his Gracious Plenty and Oh Gawd Yes! and Eric Don't Stop! which makes me stand at attention. _

_I have been called all manner of other some what cruder names, especially in moments leading up to moments of passion. Yes thank you! Hearing those randy names and teasing me really makes me want to keep standing at attention and marching forward! I really like those crude names screamed during moments of passion! Which makes me stand at attention and dance and sing and shout for joy!_

_And when a breeze blows across my crotch, that makes me stand at attention as well. It is not my fault I am so joyous and not only easily pleased but I am happy to please, as well. I think, one of my more charming attributes. I do not need drinks or dinner or dancing. I just need a breeze. A breeze from a sneeze will do. Or a breeze generated by walking. Also serviceable. _

_Sadly, sometimes I am misunderstood. _

_Eric tells me just because I have a head does not mean that I have a brain. But my two friends, Lefty and Righty, we beg to differ__. Please note: At one time Lefty was called M__uttern__ S__äck På__Den __Vänstra__ (T__he nut sack on the left__)__and Righty was called Muttern__ S__äck På__ D__en Högra (The nut sack on the right). That was quite a mouth full and I am to be the only mouth full. So it was shortened to Lefty and Righty. _

_And rightly so, by the time they had finished introducing themselves, the moment was gone for the lady and all I would get was the rosy palm. And his hands are large, rough and calloused. And he would get a might bit pissy when we would blow it for him and he did not get blown! Just say'n..._

_At this point, you might think that all that I think about is sex. No argument from me and L&R are clapping widely. L&R, that is my nickname for them. They do not speak as much as I but they are widely enthusiastic and have been known to go into applause and whistling if we are only smiled at. _

_So, that being said, we are going to upgrade some of Ms. Stewart's work. Very seldom in her writings do I get to speak for myself. She is not fond of writing from the Character's POV. Cramps her style, she says. To which I say what style? That woman is much ado about nothing._

_I am capable of telling my own story, but even at my vampire speed, her fingers key board faster that I am able. Mine is the one eyed, hunt and peck approach. _

_So, this will be a more personal review of certain scenes she has all ready written and other new one shots….oh please, different phrasing! No to the one shots! Yes to the multiples, I am, after all vampire! _

_Before I begin, I am setting the record straight. I am genetically descended from Eric's grandfather, Alrik. Eric gets his looks and I get my calling from him. Alvör, was his wife, the red headed wise woman of the clan. She gave birth to Eric's father, Leif. I could write a whole chapter about that pecker head. But this story is about me._

_Continuing on…I shall try and explain myself with an exert from each story all ready written and then we shall add new tall tellings and truths to follow on. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

הניצחון עמוק

**Victory Runs Deep**

**"Have you any of the human left?" Catherine, Queen of the Old Empire queried.**

**A very small smile played upon Eric's lips. "Only when I see a beautiful woman. In my home land, there was a flower that bloomed by the sea. The light through the petals cast a shade of purple that I would only see at sunset before the first star would grace me with a wink. There was something about this time…the smell of the flower mixed with the smell of the sea with a hint of the evening air…" and then a small laugh escaped his lips, "I would always want a woman at that time."**

_Only when he sees a beautiful woman? Are you kidding me? Fuck! Sea breezes were just the best! One of the reasons he loved being a sailor. Explorer my ass! We were constantly hard at sea! Damn! I loved being known as The Rudder. _

_It would be our watch's turn to sleep and it would just be us wrapped up in his bear skin because his buds were no way letting him in with them to help stay warm. They all feared me and envied me and wanted to be me and called me The Rudder! Just say'n…_

_Grace him with a wink…oh ha ha ha says L&R. Everything on a woman winks at us. Starting with the way her hair blows in the breeze down to the way her toes curl on her feet! _

_We always want a woman! And at times, we wanted multiples! At the same time! _

_So I am listening to this and Catherine is eating this up! As much as I hate hearing these words and I never thought I would be saying them, here goes… Please! Stop! ... _

_Are you kidding me! This is just will-she-let-me-get-to-first-base stuff. Apparently, no one at her court has our finesses or line of bull shit. Sweet! _

_But it does beg the question, do they ever get laid? _

_And just let me go on record here, WE HATE CATHERINE! _

.

**Leaning back into her chaise, Catherine thought about that. When she wore a human body, she had loved the way she had smelled. Her fragrance she had worn behind her ears to attract a male.**

_She still did that shit as a vampire. She stank…S...T...A...N...K. No amount of bathing could fix that because as soon as she stepped out of the tub, back in went her fingers and behind her ears went that S...T...I...N...K. _

.

**"Young one, do you miss the sunshine?" **

_I am laughing here. There was the time he got drunk and was taking a leak off the side of the ship and passed out on board with me hanging and L&R not all neatly tucked away. This fair haired, whitest white dude I have ever seen to start with any way, royal dumb ass cooks me and L&R. His buds thought it was hilarious. Me, not so much. We peeled enough skin off that I actually lost an inch in girth and got two inches shorter. Good thing I was uncommonly large and robust to start with. _

**Eric was very thoughtful. "I come from the far North, my queen. I sailed by star light. We raided by starlight. The day light was for the women of my clan. Those brief months of summer..."shrugging he continued, "I enjoyed the beauty around me during that time, but it would slip by quickly. And then we would be back into the cold darkness of the long starry night."**

_Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. Want to take a guess what we did in the cold darkness of the long starry night? Keep warm! Happy New Year! You do that best by shared naked body heat! And rubbing those bodies together! Oh baby oh baby! And we made some of those, as well!_

.

**"The Roman is a pig," Eric hears her whisper.**

**"My queen, he is my maker."**

**Her tone was very matter of fact. "I know he prefers men. This was the way of his time. It pleases him that he denies you a female. That he took your virgin ass and branded it with his maker lust." Rising from her chair by the fire, she crossed to Eric. "Do you miss having a woman?"**

**"He is my maker," Eric continued, his voice hushed, "he will decide what is best for me."**

_As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Catherine, there. Appius Livius Ocella. What a fucking pig. Rome was known for her justice. It was served up in a lot of interesting horrific, nightmarish ways. _

_I understand Ocella is now being served up in Hell in the same manner as what he did to Eric. Eric and Miss Sookie and Pamela sit and chat with him from time to time and call encouragement to Ocella's torturer. I am all about justice. _

_I have been told liars are going to Hell. Another reason for the pig to be there. The pig was not even a passable liar and I do not know if the truth ever left his lips. The pig was over a thousand years old and had no need to embellish. A thousand is a thousand. Hey, I know guys do stretch things from time to time. I have heard it makes up for short comings in other areas, not that I would know anything about that. _

_It is the first rising for Eric and pig shit lets us dig our way out and I am, of course, helping. The pig is there to greet us and tells this tale about how he was so important and highly decorated and this and that in the Legions while he was rutting around. And just how thankful we should be that one such as himself with so much status would think to turn a nobody. _

_After that first bragging session to us, Eric's bull shit meter went off the scale. First of all, this guy has about a five hundred word vocabulary in Latin and it is that of a gutter snipe. Personally, we did not really think he started out as Roman. Second of all, he is telling us tales of generals and wars and once again, we trade with the world. We know our history. And this pecker head did not defeat Sparta or dance with Helena, the Queen of Troy. I suspected he emptied shit cans for the officers' quarters. We were glad that the sun was rising on our birthing dark because we were swimming in bullshit before we went to ground. _

_Lamia, the pig called us in his tongue. He does not even bother to grace us with a name that we understand. He thinks it is just hilarious that he speaks Latin and we don't. _

_Eric knows Latin. I know, shocker! We trade with the known world and languages is one of our many strengths. That fucker has turned us into a Draugr._

_When we rose, for Eric, what was to be his first dark, we started making plans_._ And pay back is a bitch because Ms. Stewart won't let me say pay back is a Mo Fo. Apparently she draws a line. Who knew?_

**.**

**"Do you enjoy women?" Catherine asked, her voice curious.**

_Is she blind? Does she not smell him? Has nothing enhanced since she became vampire? _

_There are beautiful women at court and we have been in the company of the Roman pig. I am going crazy! I am trying to crawl out of his pants to take a look around. Please, just a peek! A clean curve of hip, full breast, neck! I am at court, I do not think it is asking too much to see a woman that has no dirt under her nails!_

_How about anyone that has clean hair and body! _

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! We have been living in the dirt and washing in creeks. This is civilization! I like nice bathing things! I grew up in a sauna! We are Viking! We are clean! We were not born to wallowing in the mud like the pig! _

_Why would she ask a question like that? Is the big stud kneeling before her not enough? He's a Viking for crying out loud and I am sniffing women that are perfuming just for me and I am going nuts!_

_._

**A smile covered Eric's lips when he said,**

**"_Broken clouds _**

_**The blue skies turning to gray.**_

_**Oden, weeping for the loss of his many.**_

_**Valhalla, her doors open, her tables empty.**_

_**Warriors who have fallen **_

_**No longer feast at her tables. **_

_**They all have heard the smallest sound and they are filled with wonder.**_

_**Past the great oak doors and the tall trees and the deep river they hear the tinkle of laughter. **_

_**It is a woman and they all stand in awe."**_

_Happy New Year! Well yes! Viking on! I love that poem. He would recite it to his Nesse when he would try to explain to her just how much she meant to him. She loved hearing him say those words. He would lower his voice and run his hands across her body. When he would get to that last line, he would pull her up onto him and grind her around on me until she was gasping. Better believe I was grinding back. She loved every Viking inch of him…and ahh, well, some inches of him more than others! And by the way, those would be my inches._

_**.**_

**Catherine laughed out loud. "You shall spend these three nights with me. If you please me, I will kill your maker."**

_Yes, kill that fucker! Kill him every day of the week and five times on Thor's Day! Stake him, cut his head off, toss him out into the sun! Just bring that fucker the final death! Do it now, do it often!_

_._

**"My queen," Eric drew back, "he is my maker."**

**"You are so young," her eyes, ancient, "you are still enamored of him. You are grateful to him for this gift he has given you. There will come a time when your allegiance to him will be a hindrance." Stroking his face she returned to the fireplace and rang the bell. "We shall share a human or two and then," she smiled at him, "there are women in your future."**

**Bowing his head to her, he did not give her the opportunity to see that his face was neutral. "I was never grateful for this," his mind was screaming, "I had a woman in my future."**

"_Yes, Eric had women. He was married to his brother's wife Aude, at the time. We had kids with her. And Eric was always mindful of her and his children with her. He loved her and them, in his way. _

_Just as she loved Eric. But truth be told, she loved his brother with everything she was and missed him. She was a woman of her time. She was told to marry Eric and so she did._

_And Eric, he was also a son of his time so he did what he was told. Married her, bedded her, and loved and supported their children. But his heart, his heart was with his Nesse, always, and their son Leif._

.

_Eric has been ordered to Catherine's bed chamber. Please her or great the final death. Stupid bitch has not one idea...but she will because I am not called King Eric in vainglory._

_Oh bleeding fucking bleeding! We have been ordered to take a bath! Good bye to the smell of the pig on us._

_As we walk through the halls, I have become a divining rod! I can smell the clean water and am pulling Eric along! _

_It was the first time I had ever been in the equivalent of a Roman bath. The Roman is pig shit. This bathing room is sheer genius! _

_As much as I hate to admit it, this, this is better than the sauna I grew up with. This is a lovely room completely tiled with scenes that would make those in Pompeii blush before the volcano ended their days. This room is almost as big as the long house I also grew up in. Bleeding fucking bleeding! It has steam heat!_

_The queen has sent word. Seems she does not trust us to get ourselves properly clean. Okay…._

_At one end is this great roaring water fall that we get under and scrub away the pig with loofahs. Eric has several working on him and one is dedicated to his hair…but I…I get my own personal dirt inspector! Oookay…_

_….I, I may have been singing __La bohème_ _but how could anyone tell with the roaring of the water and the way she kept looking at me! Oooohookay….she had, she had to check inside of me…oooooooooookay…with her tongue…ooooooohhhhhh, ohhhhhhhkay! _

_And then we dove into a pool…about the size of the __Gandvik! (Baltic Sea). _A_nd it is filled with hot water and with friends with girly parts and no clothes on! Lots of friends! And they are all now my friends. Sweet! _

_As boon companions, Eric's job is to keep his head about him and be ever alert and watchful, constantly checking everything because he is a warrior! It is his job to keep our heads intact. _

_At these times, my job is to provide the entertainment and my head excels at this. I am, as Miss Sookie is so fond of saying, born to the manor._

_I am bobbing around and doing the back stroke and snorkeling! I excel at snorkeling! I, I may have even said… well… if you want to snorkel and need a tube to breathe under water with you can suck on this! I may have said it in every language I know…I am very popular. Apparently not all speak Russian._

_Well…and I may also excel at being a worm on the fishing hook. We may had played fishing for mermaids! I will not bore you with how many I caught! But it was everyone in the pool! I think this is partially due to the fact that my bait has not been cut…_

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! After visiting there, I never wanted to leave! Another reason the pig was not a Roman. How could you be filthy when you could have this! _

_._

_Catherine wants to sample the Viking's goods. Hey, everyone in her court, did. So, Eric gives her a taste. I give her step one of the three step process and she goes fucking nuts! _

**How did he do that? How did he do that? " Just how the fuck," her mind was screaming, "does he do that!" Then she was just screaming!**

_All right, let us set the record straight, here. His Nesse taught me that trick. That was not Eric, that was me, me, me, causing her to scream like a human female. And it really is a three part process. That bitch only got part one, though. _

_Nesse was a telepath only different from the gift she has as Sookie. Her gift was smoking hot. She read minds, auras, body language and facial expressions. And not just in humans. Some animals, the moon, trees and from time to time would pick up on a whale or a dolphin out in the ocean. She was one with the universe and most days she could read its intent. And she was tuned in…to…Eric! _

_Nesse worked her telepath magic with me and helped me visualize words so that I could speak, a bit, to her._

_I liked practicing with her… a lot!. Ohhh la la. _

_Step 1) So I am working my limited vocab and she can feel the vibrations that come from the words that I am trying to say inside of her, along with everything else that is going on! _

_Step 2) Then I would work really hard and another part is the actual word, itself, being spoken against her cervix. With a lot of other still stuff going on! _

_Step 3) I finally got to a point where I could sing inside her! The different pitches did some really pleasant things to her! And myself as well with a lot of other stuff going on! _

_I really came into my own when he was turned. My vocab increased in every language right along with his. My Step 1) is no longer a limited vocabulary and I am vibrating those words at vamp speed, along with a few other things._

_Given the right atmospheric conditions, when was the last time I partied, and who is it we are with, I just also might just have fangs. Little tiny rascals, but… they get the job done. _

_Today, I can say Suck It and Happy New Year in more than forty different languages. Sing a little in French and love wailing with David Lee Roth. _

_The big galoot tells me I have no brain so that he can take credit for everything. _

_Ha! He could not do these tricks without me!_

_._

**"Katarina," he whispered her name.**

**Pulling his mouth to hers she kissed Eric and then said, "No one has called me that in a very long time." Her voice trailed off as her body was still a riot of feelings that were new to her.**

**Reaching over, Eric pulled the flowers from the vase and began tearing the petals off while he sprinkled them over the queen of the Empire. **

_Okay, all I can say is that I am glad I was not Tongue. It was bad enough being in that soulless, stank, dried out hole. Ick, I can not imagine having to kiss that mouth!_

_The flowers were a nice touch. Nesse loved that. Eric would take her to the sauna and after she was squeaky clean….oh, I am laughing at that memory…she actually did squeak once or twice…he would take flower petals and rub them into her body to release their essential oils. _

_. _

**Eric was just about finished with Ocella. He had played and lied and schemed and bite that fucker on the ass at every opportunity. Soon, his maker would be glad to be rid of him, soon. There was no way he was letting any one else get their fangs or claws in him.**

_Yes, we were done with Ocella. Wow! The things we did while that pecker head was still in his day slumber! Rock and Roll! _

_The way Eric would take hits off of him. That Roman pig could have slept through an entire garrison helping themselves to whatever he had to offer. And I must admit, while Eric was busy with the fangs and blood, well, I actually prefer sea breezes and Eric's rosy palm, but any port in a storm, if you know what I mean. _

_._

_That was our first experience at court. Sadly, it would not be the last. _

_While there, that little Roman fucker left us. He took Eric's extra shirt and pants. Really! WTF! Good thing we went to ground in our clothes or we would have been strolling through Russia in our where with alls. Not that I would have minded, it was just as cold as it was, there were no ladies out to enjoy the view_

_Samuel Da'vid was our exit our strategy. He saved our asses._

_We hauled ass out of there and went to Paris. Damn, I love Samuel. And not just because of the money. Well, okay, that was pretty sweet. Eric had gone from being a chieftain's son who lacked for nothing, including women, to being that Roman pig's child and lacking for everything, including women. _

_But Brother Samuel, he saw to everything. He taught Eric and told him histories and who was with whom and just how everything worked in the realm of the vampire. He also taught us about banks and gave us access to everyone of them, because he owned them all._

_Then he told Eric his big secret. He was a day walker on his God's holy days. They had some serious fun with that!_

_And he helped Eric amass a fortune, before we were a hundred years vampire. With Samuel to guide him, Eric really stepped out on his own with Samuel encouraging him all the way and cheering him on! _

_Because Eric had magic. He always had, even as human. His grandmother, Alvör, was the clan's wise woman and priestess. Eric's dad pissed her off and so she gifted the entire line of the clan's women's magic to Eric. That was sweet and I profited by that in all ways! _

_In those first fifty years of vampire, his vampire magic, that was something he discovered on his own and had no one to share his triumphs with. I cheered him the best I could and we became even closer. But it is not the same. He should have been celebrating these milestones with his maker. But the Roman is a worthless piece of pig shit. _

_The ecstasy we felt was un fucking believable the first time he discovered we could fly. Thinking about that first time still thrills me! We had been vampire for about three months. It was winter and we were awake early...and out and moving before the pig was up. As we went out the door, Eric tasted the wind and he knew a big storm was coming. But, we were going to play in the snow before before the worst of the storm, hit. _

_There we are in the middle of this magnificent forest. There is a blizzard force wind with snow pushing us around and he is so full of joy that he is singing and dancing with an imaginary partner and then he starts running with the wind at our back and jumps over a huge boulder and just keeps going. We are flying! We are whizzing and tchussing along right with the snow flakes! It was glorious! _

_And sad. The whole time we were buzzing the tree tops Eric was thinking he would love to share this with his Nesse. _

_We landed gently at the cabin where we are staying. And we can not wait until the next new dark because we are going to have some fun! There was not much for us until Samuel came into our lives. We celebrated our joy wherever we could find it. _

_And gifts, wow! Because the Roman pig was old, Eric was strong. Eric taking hits off of Ocella made him stronger._

_But, as we found out later, Eric is a direct line decedent of two arch angels. When he was turned, that woke everything up and we could do some serious shit! But it was difficult to practice with Ocella around watching and making the sign for the evil eye when he thought we could not see him. That was just rude and insulting. What a pecker head….. _

_But Brother Samuel, oh la la. That guy does know how to love and he let us be ourselves so that we could work though getting over the outrage and sometimes sorrow of being vampire. He encouraged Eric in every way he knew how. He showed Eric how to embrace the human that still lived in him and how to hide that from others. And Eric, well, Samuel is the reason they call him The Viking!_

_._

_The year was 1912 and we are still a bit out yet before the Bolshevik Revolution. We were in Russia at the time. Guests of Catherine's again, sorta. We had been invited out for a night of partying by the Seven Scourges of Scandinavia. Those boys know how to party! We had scored an invite to a Magical Summer Festival in Winter's Grip party. _

**The landscaping was very pleasing. That was one thing you could say for the Russian nobility, they believed that with enough peasants anything was possible. The grounds tonight looked like summer. Steam pipes had been laid underground and several acres held fruit trees, fountains, rose bushes and naked bodies. Their host tonight had said good bye to winter and hellllooo to let us get naked and have some fun.**

_Believe me, I am all about naked and fun. I call it naked fun. I like naked fun. A lot!_

**"Peterhof is still lovely," Eric smiled as he looked around the grounds. "I must thank Volos for getting the invitation and then for being so kind as to include his friends. I do so love costume balls."**

**"Yes, the Viking, I see, is happy to be home," Viktor laughed and watched a delightful human female, dressed as a wood nymph with nothing on but a smile and a pair of wings go giggling by as she stopped to admire the eight nude Greek statues that were posing with their pelvises' thrust out just for her benefit. Their costumes tonight were white wash in their hair and olive leaf wreaths they were wearing on their heads.**

_That wood nymph was lovely…I was waving at her and speaking Russian and she was waving back and blowing me kisses. I was being charming from afar, hoping I could be charming up close. I wanted to chat up a part of her that was looking a little chilly. All the ladies had to come around to take more than one look at just how magnificent we were._

_Now, I am going to take credit for their success. I insisted on the olive leaf wreath that they were wearing on their heads. That was the costume! Other wise they were just eight naked vampires. There is nothing original about that. That has been over done soooooo many times. The wreaths were the defining moment._

_That the pelvises were thrust out, my idea as well. _

_The Scourges, they were working the crowd and every one wanted a turn guessing the pose. We did them all… David, The Thinker, The Discus Thrower, Titan, poses from the well known classic statues and various relief hunting scenes. All my idea. _

_There was a lot of betting going on. If the young lady could guess which pose they were doing, they got a kiss. If she guessed wrong, well…she had to forfeit what ever was agreed, upon. Oh my! Good times! And I was just watching! _

_It pains me to think that all those young ladies were not trained in the classics. They could not even get David, right. All though helpful to my cause, clearly, parts of their education had been neglected. _

_It was our turn to strike the classic pose and I was hoping that they would be just as ignorant with us and that is when the maenad showed up along with the Roman pig. WTF! And I'll say it again, WTF! _

_Yes, kill that fucker! Kill him every day of the week and five times on Thor's Day! Stake him, cut his head off, toss him out into the sun! Just bring that fucker the final death! Do it now, do it often! _

_That sums up my relationship with Eric's maker._

.

Dear Readers,

Apparently I am to do some tall tellings and truths while I am doing my drudgery work this summer.

Apparently this will give me something to do instead of watching paint dry. I like watching paint dry with my feet up and enjoying some nice blue agave in a shot glass. I was very much looking forward to doing tequila shots with my muse. I had a few hours with her before King Eric noticed that I had gone into hiatus.

TreeWitch703 has all ready reminded me of some rumors of tall tellings having to do with diamond mines in South Africa and the Raj….and the Inner Palace to visit with the Empress of China. …oy vey! Those rumors, they are out there!

King Eric is panting….it is the Empress he is remembering….

I fear this, like the _1001 Arabian Nights_ will go on, forever….Scheherazade I am not. Just say'n…..

I do so like clicking on that complete story button on FF and saying to myself that I can check that story off the list. I am all about checking things off of lists. Oy vey!

So, if there is a tall telling you have heard about King Eric, I would be more that happy to research the facts and then do the interview.

Thanks for reading!

Stake Compton, bring on The Viking!

Be blessed and be the blessing!

CES

In the mean time….

… The story tonight begins with that of a simple cow herd…he is taken with a maiden that he passes every morning at the well as he takes his cows to pasture. This cow herd is really a sly king in disguise…


	2. Chapter 2

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter Two

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. _The Canon for Miss Harris' stories still stands for books One through Ten._

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter Two

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

**The Year is 1600: Excerpt from the Chronicles of the Wandering Vampire Pranksters: The Viking and the Jew**

**This is a testimony, as witnessed: Recorded faithfully in the annals of history for all to see are the exploits of Eric the Viking and his brother, Samuel the Jew. They are: Vampires, patrons of the arts, lovers of women and beguilers of makers and royalty, alike. They taunt kings and write history the way they think it should be. **

**Hey, this is, after all, Eric we are talking about and his brother, Samuel Da'vid who loves him and always has his back.**

_Are we done yet? Because I would like to be done! You would not believe the horse shit this woman makes me walk through to get to my story. That little on dit up above had to be included. _

_This is not about Eric, I keep telling her…._

_I am honest, hard working, loyal! Hey! Everybody knows that! I never say no to a job and can always be counted on to step up and be a team player. My past history with Catherine speaks to that. You need me to be hard, hey, I can do that, no matter how ugly or vile the bitch, is. Skanks, I've done those, too, to keep us alive._

_L&R and I we deliver! On time and on target and we not only perform but we can out perform anyone else under any circumstance. We are known and proven. There are thirty-six, to date, Northman children that call The Viking My Daddy. We did that. L&R provides the goods and I am the delivery system. We can show you a good time and make babies, all at the same time. And damn! We make beautiful babies! Thirty-six and counting._

_This does not happen because of arms the size of tree trunks, or long, muscled legs and the perfect tight ass or the big head that belongs to the royal dumb ass… !_

_That…is…us._

_Yes, women have always looked at him like he was a tasty treat. Though married, he still gets a lot of second looks. Even I will admit in candle light and a tux he will not scare most small children. _

_You may go on and on about how he may be all that…_

… _but we are all this… I am just stating facts, without us, he would be a really tall and ugly girl. Just say'n. _

_Now that I have established my bona fides…_

_The sun is about to set and Ms. Stewart and I are working away and she says that she has put in her time with me for the day. First of all, put in her time! I don't remember seeing anyone dressed in convict orange! _

_Then, mumbling something about drudge work, she left. WTF! I am inspired! The muse has struck and she-who-must-drudge is not available. I am left by myself and so wanting to soldier on! I listen to her depart the immediate area. Unbelievable! There is work still to be done and me being very responsible, I fire up the laptop._

_I could hear her moving around upstairs. She was sewing or so she said….snicker, snicker….all I know is I can hear the hum of a small motor…._

_She came flying down stairs when she heard a noise. I had no idea one so old could move so fast. Would love to have seen that when we were working together, today. She said it sounded a lot like someone shouting Happy New Year! What? Where? It is July! I am here working and no champagne corks have been popped. She does hear, however, me pecking away on her lap top. I was just helping her out. I was working…honest!_

_And well, she says I went out to that porn site that is no longer, she says haughtily through bared teeth, book marked in her favorites and that I, she said hissing out that poor little vowel, had a little accident on her keyboard and screen._

_Little! I am still gasping about that! _

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! And she won't let me put Mo Fo in this story…you should have heard what she was yelling at me! Apparently she swears in just about as many languages as I do and the things she suggests…can she say something original, please; really, like I have not heard that thousands of times, before. I have a lot of talents but it is impossible for me to suck myself and I know this because it has not been for lack of trying. _

_I was introduced to Clorox wipes…she was laughing her ass off when I was trying to work the Windex bottle and a Q-tip. _

_Whoa! Q-tips scare me! Looks like something that was used back in the day to pack gunpowder into a cannon. Sometimes that cotton wadding would get left and there would be a misfire. Misfires! That is sooooo not me. Please, keep the Q-tips some place else. _

_So, I am being punished. The opening paragraphs are about Eric and Brother Samuel. Life is just not fair….Just say'n…. _

_._

_Bleeding fucking bleeding…are we there yet! Let us get to the story…_

_The year is 1600 and we are in Nuremberg, Germany. We know Catherine has pulled her spies out of Nuremberg and has called them home to Mother Russia._

_Seems vampires need to feed, Weres need to breed, Catherine needs to weed…out her ranks. Some one has been naughty. She has heard she has a spy in her Nuremberg ranks! Yippie-i-oh-ki-yay! Don't you just hate how these rumors get started. I know I do. _

_The country side is lovely and we admire the hills and trees. Oh, the sound of the cuckoo bird! We are about seeing the sights and visiting with the villagers and desiring to be farmers for the summer. We find a quaint little farming community of probably about one hundred families that we think we might like to call home, for a while._

_Out comes the lists. When ever you think about moving into a new area, there are certain things you have to scout out…good neighborhood, schools, favorite market…just the day to day things of daily living. We are no different. Large city close by, is there political unrest, war looming, willing women, where the fuck is Catherine and her entourage? _

_We purchase a charming house. Our home is lovely and we are getting settled in. We are here and now we need our day walkers for laundry and daily chores and such. All must look normal. Samuel has two fine fellows that always travel with us, Jacob and Isaac, who see to our other needs. These guys are just the best. Their standing orders are at the first sign of trouble, make like a scared human and run. We always have a meet up place all ready picked out._

_J&I have been working the village and passing the word that there is some extra money to be made if anyone is interested. That first week our guys are chatting up the ladies of the village. Does anyone need any extra egg money? That is farmer's wife's code for you can have a little job outside the house and make a little money and not have to share it with the family. The lovelies complain they all have a house full and all the laundry they can stand and maybe they can send a daughter. _

_There is a May Day festival in our village and the evening is pleasant and we come out and meet the natives. Introductions are made and the women take one look at Eric's hands and feet and they are all elbowing each other and smiling and you can just tell they are wondering if it is true. They are all reciting some little wise saying they have heard. _

'_Big hands and feet means his dick is really that sweet!' 'Or palm so wide, he can take multiple brides'. My favorite. 'My foot is the size of my dick and my dick is the size of my foot. Do not be shy, there is a lot for the eye, just step on up for a feel and a look.'_

_Grandmas are all eyeing each and nodding their heads because they all know it's true. The young marrieds don't know because they have only been with their husband and all though their husbands may be hard working farmers, they are not the size of the bull in the barn. All the single oldest daughters want to believe. They are pushing their way to the front of the crowd._

_Their eyes then take a walk about on the rest of his body. Oh my! I always enjoy being the object of a lady's affection and so I wave and smile back and am calling my how do's. Their eyes latched onto me like a hungry piglet at supper time. I hear little squealing noises and they are doing some interesting things with their mouths. Oh my! Then there is a smallish stampede to curtsey and introduce, themselves. Fortunately, I do not scare easily. _

_Their men folk can not hear them whispering but we can and they would all say, Es wahr ist! (It's true!) Gigantishen wurst! (Gigantic sausage!) Es ist schwer, übergroß! (It is hard, enormous!) I always have that effect on people. And not only the women._

_Daughters are pushed out of the way and sent home with the baby brother or sister and the lady of the house steps up and says, well yes, I do the best laundry in the village. Then her mother steps up from behind her and pushes her out of the way and says she taught her how to do laundry. Why have the novice when you can have the expert with years of experience. And I must agree, there is a lot to be said for that._

_The next evening, the ladies dropped by. _

_Turns out every one needed a little extra egg money…and I do mean everyone. I always conduct the interviews for the house keeper. Apparently, as the men of the house, we had a communication problem. I hired, L&R hired, Samuel hired and Eric hired and we all hired the twins. If I may quote a Were…woof! _

_Ahh, summer and it passed much too quickly. It has been a very good summer. Our house is spanky clean and our clothes are spanky clean and I am King Eric and the ladies are asking me to just spank them! I give them love taps in the loveliest of places and they see to it at the end of our tete te tete, I am spanky clean! The lovelies have crowned me and made me my own coronation robe and I hold court and they hold me and it is all good._

_Until…_

_It is late in August and, once more, bleeding fucking bleeding, angry villagers come looking for us! Is it because we are vampire…fuck no! We are very good at looking human…it is because….well we all know why…_

_It is the men folk with their not so Gigantishen wurst! And they are outside our home shouting and swearing that they are tired of being asked if they ever going to get any bigger. _

_Apparently our egg money is no longer needed. The women are wailing in the background. There is nothing worse than angry villagers throwing torches at your house because your dick is bigger than their dick. What pecker heads! It is not our fault Brother Samuel and I are so well endowed. The house is on fire and we are standing on the upper balcony, in the shadows watching the antics of the men folk down below. _

_I was really going to miss these flower boxes, I sighed. I love geraniums and how Hilda would come over and water for us in the evenings. For some reason she insisted watering with only her apron, on. There was a full moon every night at our place and the biggest geraniums in the county and now, a roaring fire, below us. _

_._

"**Yes, well," Samuel got ready to jump, "speaking of burning, the fire is about to reach the second floor and looks like the villagers have wooden pitch forks. Now, do we really want to jump and run? Or are we going to do a fang and dick bared, low flying pass over. How about a repeat performance of that masterful maneuvering; low enough for the peasants girls to swoon at the sight of two throbbing pieces of rigid vampire flesh. Their breasts shall heave and inside they shall ache for undoubtedly the largest they have ever seen. A loop de loop would do the trick. The last time we did that, several women fainted."**

_Good times! For a nice Jewish boy, Brother Samuel does know how to party. That loop de loop, that was my idea. I like being naked and when there is a breeze blowing past me…and the loop de loop with Eric swooping roof tops and clock towers and the women baring their breasts and cheering us on and offering to lick any smashed insect parts off of us…hubba hubba!_

_The loop de loop works in any language. We were in Pisa the last time we did that. The men were angry, then, as well…_

**"Ahh, Pisa," Eric grinned. "Nothing says a good fucking unless you are actually feeling the building move while you have the young lady pushed up against it. Her screaming 'Yes, yes, the earth is moving, yes! I can feel the building shaking, yes!'"**

_I was exceptional, that evening. There was this lovely tower, which reminded me somewhat of myself…..massive, round, stately, white, without the walnut oil. A thing of perfection. Something to be admired and revered with ladies running their hand against its sooth surface and complimenting it on its fine lines. So, I was really inspired and wanted to show her a very good time. _

_For myself, and the sweet Bella, the earth literally, moved that evening, along with the tower. L&R and I we did push ups to the time of her beating heart._

_That sweet Bella….this was not discovered until later. That was Pamela's great, great, grandmother. Tilt took on a whole new meaning. _

"**My brother," Samuel was chuckling, "Giovanni Pisano was one of my architectural protégés. You know, he never recovered from his master piece, leaning."**

_Poor Pisano, believe me I understand this guy. I come along and literally fuck the lean into his tower and he never rises to the occasion, again._

_Not unlike when Eric leans in for the fuck, with me doing all the work._

**Eric had spotted a pretty young thing that just might enjoy a look see at what they had to offer. **

_You could hear the lovelies whimpering above the roar of the flames. One last time, please, one last time, please…_

**"Yes, seriously," Eric was still engaged in Samuel's conversation. "We live in the year of 1600. Have humans not progressed at all? Please, in Pisa, it was only a building. They have the know how and technology to build another. The peasants need the work. The stone cutters need the work. The architects need the work. However, I think I see some women who might grieve if they do not get to see what two well endowed vampires look like? Maybe they would like to be on the receiving end while we do a little work."**

**"Well," Samuel grinned, "you mean, us?"**

_He does not mean those peasants that they are married, too. Work, are you kidding me! Call it being a political appointee! Just get me there! _

**"My brother, unless you see two other extraordinarily huge, well hung, vamps in the area, why yes, I do believe that would be us. Let us to war! Pants are coming off and dicks are hard. Samuel, really," Eric looked over his shoulder at his brother who was now lying on his back on Eric's back. "you should grow your hair and wear it in raiding braids. Now, that would be a sight to behold!"**

_Yes, please, get us in the air so we can be seen and I can feel the breezes, not the ones being generated by the fire._

**"My dearest brother, I am a five foot Jew, not a six five Viking. And we are going to be toasted in places I would rather not toast. Now, if you please…"**

_Yes, Eric, please, listen to the very wise and all knowing Brother Samuel. He has the wisdom of the ages. Fly us out of here! Fire… vampire… I can not pee so I can do nothing about the flames and I am attached to the King of the Bull Shitters who has chosen this time to pontificate about raiding braids and Brother Samuel's lack there off. The big head would rather toast then run! Clearly, I am the smarter of the two!_

**"Yes my brother, I have spotted who we are going to bless with our outreaching man hoods, tonight. This is going to be a two-fer. The sweet young thing and the Oma (Grandmother) standing next to her. They are both going to get an eye full and a want more in their deep, wet, sweet womanly parts," Eric was laying on the deep heaving and heavy panting. "I am going to pass low enough so that if they lay their heads back and stick their tongues out, it will be a little piece of bliss for all of us."**

_Bleeding fucking bleeding…..I love Eric. He was right! They had their tongues out and Eric did low and slows and they did, they did, they did! Damn, just like an all day sucker!_

**Samuel had his arms wrapped around Eric's waist. "The last time we did this," he grinned at the full moon, "I ended up with a were."**

_She was a nice Were, Jewish, like Samuel._

**"Yes, she chased us for miles, howling for you. I understand she still howls for you still. Oh wait, hear that, that is her now, wondering where her sweet, sweet, Samuel has taken, himself, too. She is calling for youuuuuuuuuuuu" as Eric's voice floated off into a howl, causing all the villagers to look up.**

**"Oops," Eric chuckled, "now or never!"**

_Yes, Eric, please now! I am heating up and not just with desire. The men are yelling burn you fucking fornicators, burn. They were just jealous. With a heavy heart I say good bye to those who have crowned me. The ladies are sobbing and calling their good byes and thank yous. It was very touching. _

_._

_We figured with the house burning and two vampires doing loop de loops, that would make a little bit of news and so we decided it was time to take ourselves to jolly old England. We love the theatre so when the suggestion is made, we gear up and take ourselves that way. London, home of the plague, The Tower, and eighty two years later, Pamela Ravencroft._

_Women are beautiful In all Walks of Life,_

_Remember, that those men around you sit with their wife._

_Oh those lovelies may wink at you and if you smile_

_They will be sitting on your lap for just a short while._

_Then you can make them pant loudly or they softly moan,_

_But eventually they will to going giggling back to their home._

_So if there comes a day or two_

_when you are sad and you are blue_

_think on these words that in All Walks of Life,_

_Best not to fuck with another man's wife._

_Brother Samuel is attributed to penning that while we sat at The Globe Theatre watching Romeo and Juliet. The story is only as accurate as those recording the facts. Actually, it was he and I together, who wrote this. _

_Then you can make them pant loudly or they softly moan … does that sound like Samuel, to you? I should say not. And… Best not to fuck another man's wife. Does that sound like Samuel to you? Not only would Samuel not say that, he would do that nor would he rhyme that…it was all me._

_At all times, this is what you need to remember about Samuel. He is a nice Jewish boy. Since he was the first child, he always thought his destiny was the priest hood. No to the lying, cheating, stealing, swearing…things said in moments of passion do not count. _

_Things to remember about Eric. In all ways, The Viking. Lie, cheat, steal, swear, confuse the enemy whether it be one with a sword or a pissed off husband with a sword because you have helped yourself to his wife's goodies._

_My boy could not rhyme fuck with truck or luck or suck or duck…he says the same things in moments of passion that he does in all other walks of life. _

_So for the poem, it narrows the field. Just say'n._

**They were in their balcony seats and admiring the view of the wife of an elderly gentleman. Her hand was placed on his infirmed knee while her other hand was doing some very naughty things that the boys were enjoying watching. When she smiled at them and then reached in and pulled out her nipple, rubbed it and then returned it to her bodice, Eric was ready to pay his admission price, again.**

_Well, yes, and I would gladly pay her whatever she wanted to do it again. Or to come over here and sit next to me and do that again. Or meet me on the stairs and let me do that again. She looked like she was into stairway sex. Stairway to heaven is right there on the top step, her leaning on the door with her skirt hiked up begging for it just a little harder…good times!_

**.**

_I love hanging with my guys and the decision had been made to go a pirating! Argh!_

_Samuel was always about the newest, latest, fastest. From the very beginning, he drove the ship building industry, the rail roads, air travel, electronics. You learn all the best things, like where to invest, next. So when we travel, we go in style and Eric always has the most up-to-date ship to captain. _

"**You know what I fear the most?" **_Says my King of the Bull Shitters._

**"No," Samuel replied, "you fear something?"**

**"Falling off the edge of the world. It's flat, you know that, right?"**

**They were both chuckling. **

**"Let's go to China," Samuel smiled. "I want to go to Japan. Let's travel for a bit."**

**"I'd like that," Eric grinned. Letting go of the wheel for a moment, he struck the pose of the highly coveted and much desired Narrator of the Stage. "I can see it now, we will live because of history. We will be famous and our exploits shall continue to grow bolder and through the ages everyone will envy us. All will know of us because humans and vampires, alike, will tell E_xcerpts from the Chronicles of the Wandering Vampire Pranksters: The Viking and the Jew."_**

**"I like it," Samuel grinned.**

**.**

_There is maybe a bit more about Brother Samuel you should know. As close as Eric and Samuel are, they never discuss Samuel's age. It is just a given that he is old. Really old. _

_You can really see this when we travel. He knows the language, the customs, who was in power when and what deals were made with whom. When we travel with him, on his ship is his own personal standard that he flies. It is a while flag and stitched onto it is **Da'vid**. Just his name. _

_We travel in our own personal flotilla and Samuel is known, every where. Folks come running and word travels up and down the coast and there is the welcoming committee to greet us. _

_And so we went to China…_

_It was not our first trip to the far East. It was not even our second or third._

_We have always traveled. For Samuel to do business, for Eric, to escape Catherine. I like traveling. As human, I always enjoyed our adventures when we would to exploring. Me making my territory and Eric shopping for his family. _

_Traveling as vampire is different. Not in a bad way and certainly not with Samuel. I saw that the first time we went to Asia. It was a long journey but we were comfortable the whole time. _

_Well, creature comforts, comfortable. That first time, I was hard and miserable. _

_The first time we went to Asia, the boys played a nasty trick on me. They were talking about how we were round eyes and that Asians eyes were different, that they had a bit of a slant to them. Which, Eric said, in the females made for interesting sex._

_What? What? What! Yes to interesting sex! I am available for that! And just what did he mean? I was now curious and my imagination went into over drive. I wanted specifics! What? Please!_

_When I would ask Eric would only say, it is a very small thing, and creates a smallish diversion and that all women are beautiful. What? A big diversion, interesting sex? Well, that is just a given that all women are beautiful. Just what exactly did he mean?_

_Asian women are different, he would smile. Like their eyes. You will see._

_Well yes, yes, yes, I want to see._

_We are traveling with Brother Samuel so we have no need to socialize with the natives along the way so it is not until later that I am up close and personal with an Asian._

_Shanghai is a major port of call for us. It is party city!_

_I can certainly see what Eric means. The women, they are beautiful and delicate and sweetly perfumed. And they are different? We are here and I am trembling with excitement. I have been practicing my languages. I am looking around discretely and observing and thinking they do not walk different than other women I know. _

_Well, except for that morning after walk when they have been with me the night, before! Oh, none here look like they take pleasure from the exquisite agony of walking. Oh my...! They will all know two words of English when we leave, here. King Eric!_

_We are staying in a palace tonight because Samuel is doing business. Eric and I are going to have a bath. There is a line of twenty women that are going to help us bathe! I love Samuel. Yes, yes, yes, to the different and yes to the multiples! I am ready!_

_The first lovely approaches and removes our shoes and then leaves._

_The second removes our socks and then leaves._

_The third, our jacket._

_The forth, takes the braids our of our hair. And then leaves. _

_I am watching all this and I am beginning to have a moment of understanding. They are job specific and not all are staying and they are not coming back. _

_The last one in the room leads us from the room._

_Eric is dressed in a robe and I am wearing a charming hat as we go down the hall. L&R want to know where their charming hats are? I tell them shhh and that we will share the one I am wearing. She opens a screen and there is a tub with warm water. We are going to have a bath. Yippee! _

_Carefully, she removes Eric's robe and then my hat and bowing, she leaves. WTF! Into the tub and the oriental woman still remains a mystery!_

_When we have finished, Eric is clean and rings a bell that has been left on the small table. Another women appears and as we sit on a teak bench on top of a grate, she pours warm water over us and rinses Eric's hair. Drying us off, someone else comes in and helps us with our robe and hat and then we are led, away._

_Screens are pushed open and the room is lavish and the bed is low and covered in silk and lovely warm bodies! _

_Only…WTF! As Eric motions to each one, they stand and hold a wooden box and Eric carefully opens each one and with a shake of his head, the girl leaves. He opens one box and I can tell he is pleased and she stays and all the other girls leave! _

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! I can see what he has taken out. There is a string of peals the size of L&R…ohhh, bleeding fucking bleeding! Eric has them in his hand and is weighing them and I am trying to see what is going on and then reality strikes as she starts massaging his ass. _

_I try to sound the warning and then…then…I am encased in a silk jacket with a hoodie for L&R and the boys are wiggling around trying to find their comfort spot and this is tied behind Eric's back so that I am all nice and snug and blind as the preverbal bat! And I only have one eye!_

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! Come on! Eric is lying down on the bed and the lovely is saying sweet nothings to Eric and I am wiggling around trying to get out of this straight jacket and there are sensations running through our body and I am not the one causing it! And…and…and….Bleeding fucking bleeding! What they hell are they doing to One Eyed Glugg (Hole) and Eric is grinding into the bed and grinding down on his teeth and all I've got is this silk wrapper thing that is starting to strangle me and I think I might be claustrophobic because I start yelling and swearing about having a panic attack and if you don't take it off right now I am leaving and never coming back! _

_Eric let out a low growl that vibrates right through the bed and then, another. He knows I am not kidding and he yanks off the sock and L&R are so thankful that they said they will gladly let me wear the charming hat the next time and that they did not mean to complain about not getting a hat and to please, please, please not ever do that again, and she is under us and finally I know that Eric and Samuel have been spoofing me all along. Oriental women are very lovely but not different. When am I going to stop falling for their tricks? I am so gullible!_

_Bleeding fucking bleeding, Poor Glugg. No way am I wearing the pearls. Just say'n._

_._

_We went to Japan about 1290. That was our third trip. Brother Samuel, he gets around and he knows everybody. This time, Eric met the sword master Goro and he made the Masamune for Eric, big hands and all._

_Eric always travels with the pearls. He says the next time we go to the Orient, he is buying a strand for me. I told him I would strangle him in his down time with them. We are at a stand off. Everyone knows that the good guys always win at the stand off. And I am one of the best. Yippie-i-oh-ki-yay Mo Fo! Your ass is mine when that time comes. And when I am victorious, I am setting Glugg, free. Just say'n. _


	3. Chapter 3

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter Three

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. _The Canon for Miss Harris' stories still stands for books One through Ten._

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter Three

_For you to understand me, you have to know something about me as human. Mortal or vampire, I have always been all flash and all bang. That is just who I am. Mortal….well, this telling is about the Mortal, me. And with that Mortal comes family. And as vampire as well, but this is the Mortal, telling, so I guess this is going to be about our Mortal beginning. Please note: In this story my boy Eric goes by his family name of Erikr._

_._

_Alvör, the wisest woman of our clan, and priestess, was married to Alrik the clan chieftain. _

_They had seven children. Leif, Erikr's father, was son number three. He was also a pecker head. Had been one all of his life. You know, some folks are just born pecker heads. Has nothing to do with the way they are raised or who their friends are. Pecker heads._

_Alvör, loved her husband with all that she was. She loved her grandson, Erikr, who looked just like her husband in all ways, with all of her heart as well._

_Alrik was what would have been called today a super hero Viking. He went everywhere and did everything and knew everyone. He was fierce, brave, bold and Bull Shitter supreme!_

_He would tell Erikr stories when he would sit on his grand da's knee. Erikr wanted nothing more than to be like his grand da because no one wanted to be like the pecker head._

_It was just a shame that Erikr was so young when Alrik died. The whole fucking world knew that if Alrik had lived to see Erikr to his full height, they would be unstoppable. And today, the entire fucking world would be speaking Norse and everyone would be trying to trace their ancestry back to this family. If Alrik and Erikr had conquered the world, it sure would have simplified grammar and what to eat on feast days. Just say'n._

_The pecker head was jealous of Erikr. Even when we were small Leif was intent on embarrassing us. Peck-er-h-ead! WTF! Who is jealous of a baby? Your own son? WTF! My earliest memories is when Pecker Head was suppose to teach us how to do Erikr's braids. _

_This was the pecker head's job who didn't want to do this because it took time and his only intent at that time was to piss us off so we would leave and he would then be free to go sit out in the great hall and fart and scratch himself and wonder if his newest concubine was up for some fun. And maybe she was but not with him. Just say'n… _

_Needless to say, it just went from fucking bad to fucking worse from there on. _

_The last straw was at Erikr's counted as a man ceremony. Several other pecker heads made fun of him because his grand mother taught us how to do our braids. And Pecker Head did not stand up for us but laughed right along with them. _

_To prove ourselves far superior to the pecker head and his dumb shit crew, we went out and killed a bear, our clan's totem. When we came back several days later, pulling that bear on a pole sled…. Yes, bow down and kiss our ass, all you pecker heads, both cheeks! The line starts over there and King of the Pecker Heads gets to kiss Glugg._

_After that celebration, the follow on night was the dark of the moon and the table has been pulled out from the wall and the clan's chieftain's chair has been put in the place of honor. Everyone has gathered for the first toast to the new dark moon and Alvör, dressed as the high priestess, stands and pours out her horn of mead onto the floor and goes to Leif's chair at the table and sits down. _

_Well, okay, heads up, mine as well. WTF is going on?_

"_With the dark of the moon," she begins, "it is time for me to pass the line of women's magic. I am passing it to my grandson, Erikr. He is going with me until the next full dark of the moon. Get your sword", she says to him and "all else will be provided."_

_Standing, she then walks over to her third son and she says, "You have no idea who you are fucking with. I brought you into this world, by my hand, I can take you out. I am passing this same magic to my grandson. _

_My Erikr will never sit in his grandfather's chair or his great grandfather's or in the chairs of all the line of his family's men who have gone to sit as honored guests at the table in Valhalla before him. There will never be a chair that can hold the width or breathe of his heart or bear the weight of his sword arm. _

_Not even in Valhalla will they be able to provide such a chair for him. Odin, even now, weeps great tears of sorrow that he shall not ever be able to provide a chair for his favorite and most honored warrior whose stories he has all ready been told by those of his line that have gone on before him. _

_Do not flatter yourself by thinking my Erikr would ever want to sit in yours. That my Erikr wants anything of yours."_

_Well fuck me runn'n! Without one word, we pick up our sword and follow her through the silent great hall and out of the still silent great hall and through the village and down the path past the sauna and then to the priestess' hut and beside it is the ring of stones. _

_This is women's magic and no man has ever set foot inside the ring, let alone touched one of the rocks with his bare hand._

_Disrobing, she takes the sword from us and she walks out to the alter in the middle of the circle and she screams as she plunges the blade into the ground._

_Walking back out of the circle, she leaves her clothes on the ground and pulls on her cloak. "We are going to the sauna. You will clean yourself, shave your beard and then we shall return, here. You will talk to no one."_

_Well fuck. We are not one to argue with the priestess. We like stiffies! I have seen her curse stiffies and young men to old men with all ages in between have come crawling to her begging her forgiveness. Please, put back the stiffie! They cry and beg and beg and cry. Fuck yes, I'd be crying and pleading and promising the moon! I have not had my stiffie for as long as some of the others but I do so like it and it makes me feel like a man and when I lose the stiffie, it makes me roar with pleasure!_

_The thought chills me for those older men. To have such a boon companion for all those years and then not…! Sorrow passes through me. I do not ever want to loose my stiffie. I will never piss off the priestess!_

_As we approach the sauna, neither is anyone else going to have words with her. All she says is "Leave" to those getting ready to enter and "Get out" to those who are all ready there. _

_Well fuck yes! We have the sauna all to ourselves. We have never had the sauna to ourselves. I am a servant of the stiffie and the priestess!_

"_Shave, wash, come back to me," is all she says and so that is what we do._

_When we come out she hands us a long women's tunic. "You will wear this while you are with me. There are variations of this in my quarters. You will pick which one you will wear on what day. But wear it you will."_

_When he pulls it over his head the first thing I notice is that it is very sensual. I like the feel of the very soft material and the way it moves against me. It is very freeing and I am wondering if perhaps my braids are straight. I am immediately hard and leaking, just a bit. That surprised me._

"_I am your grandmother, Erikr, and you look exactly like my Alrik," and we begin walking back down the path to her home. _

"_I am also the priestess. Those in the long house, they think I would like nothing more than to drain a cask of mead with you and then fulfill your destiny as the goddess mother as I pretend to hold my husband once again. _

_They are vile and perverted. They will think what they like and neither you nor I shall correct them." _

_We both nod our heads. She is not foolin'. Let them think perverted. Yes, we can do that. We like the stiffie._

"_I am your grandmother and I am your priestess. I have seen your destiny. It does not lie here…you are always to remember that. You will take our line of women's magic with you. There is none other, my grandson, who is worthy of the gift. I will not have it lost to the ages, not when it can live in you._

_We are then standing at the ring. "You need to bleed on the stones. Use my knife. Since you do not yet have a monthly moon flow, you will have to use your woman maker and spread the source of your children."_

_Oh fuck me runn'n. Do what? Spit on what? I will shrivel and fall off! And …do what? Do not yet have a moon flow? Am I going to have a moon flow? No, no, no!_

_The royal dumb ass is shaking his head yes to all of this. No! No! No!_

_Erikr cuts a slit in the gown and now I am peering out as well._

_With a wave of her hand she says to walk the circle as she watches everything around us. _

_So there we are, standing at what we are calling the beginning stone. The only reason we call it this is because its shape is one of a person. It is hard to tell if it is male or female. It is just a circular stone with a round stone balanced on top of it, but clearly it represents, human._

_With the knife he pricks his finger and smudges the stone. Then, with much practice, I knew there was a reason for it, he jerks me off and I deliver enough stuff so that we can paint all the fucking stones out here with the seed of our unborn children._

_There is no moon so the stars are overly bright and the stones are either light or dark, depending on the stars that shine on them. WTF!_

_We are watching the stars and not the stones, just like when we are on the long boat. WTF? It is a little odd to be walking a path while his gaze is heavenward. Clearly the big head has a plan with which he has not shared with me. It is interesting that we do not go around the circle. Instead, we move in a steady course from stone to stone and it is ours to figure out. At each stone we leave a bit of blood and a bit of semen. _

_When we return to the beginning stone, Erikr once more cuts his finger and this time draws a penis on the stone and starts fondling my head and I am there as he starts stroking and he slows down and speeds up and slows down and speed us and I am just beginning to understand what a cock tease is and then it is fast and rough and I explode all over the stone. _

_When I am once more at rest, with a Viking war cry, he knocks the head off the stone. The stone no longer looks like a human form, it now just looks like a penis, forever with a stiffie!_

_We hear laughter as we walk back to the hut. _

"_You have changed the flow for the clan," she laughs. "The women will cycle differently, now. We will cycle by the stars and not the moon. We will cycle by the long boat of Odin, for that is whose path you took tonight. Truly, you are taking the magic and making it your own. _

_Come my grandson, our magic is now worked by the light of Odin's long boat, let us be about our business."_

_Clearly she has been expecting this. In the hut are several long tunics that are our size. We like the blue linen and there are several done in the blue and white weave with interesting patterns of leaves and animals around the neck line. Not even the chieftain wears anything so fine. _

"_Decorate them as you will," she tells us. "And for what remains of Odin's long boat," she tosses herbs onto the fire, "sit here and drink the cask of mead and continue to toss the herbs onto the fire. When you have your vision, rest and dream." She retreats to the back of the cabin and opens a door that takes her to her sleep chamber._

_Watching the flames, it is not long before we see a woman. She is small and petite and with one hand we could crush her. Heavy eye lids will not stay open and we lie down there on fine woven rug and as soon as our eyes close, we dream. We dream of the woman in the fire. I am constantly reaching out for her. In our dream, she smiles at me and calls me King Eric. I am fighting past the material that surrounds me to get to her as I feel myself reaching and reaching and then I explode and the dream is gone. _

_After that night, we did cycle. Bleeding...fucking...bleeding! I was glad we had her private privy. We wore a bandage tied around our waist with another one between our legs that was tied to the one around our waist. In the one between our legs is moss to catch the blood._

_We only did it that one time and once was enough. How do women endure this? I was wet and drippy all the time and wanting sex, sex, sex! And the smell of blood…I want to kill and ravage and beat my chest and…and…damn, something about the smell of our own blood made the Berserker always at the ready. His presence is now comforting. After those days, I felt like I knew him better and did not fear the rage, but would welcome it._

_Grandmother made her point. After those five days, bleeding fucking bleeding! We had a new respect for women. And not just our women, but all women. Even prisoners before they met their death, they would be extended this courtesy. _

_That moon cycle we began the journey as she taught us for the rest of her life all she knew and told Erikr not to let the magic own him, but he was to own the magic._

_Five winters later, she died. Erikr bathed and washed her and dressed her in her finest. He did her braids and put her in his own long boat. He would allow no one else to touch her as he carried her and placed her on the red silk blanket that was on top of the oil soaked wood in the boat. With a skiff, he towed her out to sea, said his farewells and then lit the torch to the pyre. _

_From that day forward, he wore his braids every day as did the women, just the way she had taught him. _

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

**I Am Not An Architect**

_._

_The Pecker Head and Erikr's oldest brother were gone a Viking and Erikr was left as acting chieftain. I saw this as a great boon to us. Women would want to curry favor and bosoms were to be seen, some even by accident! Cakes sweetened with honey were left at our door along with a slave to share a horn of mead, with. _

_Early one afternoon, a raiding party had brought back this woman who was given as a sacrifice. She was given as an offering from her people along with tribute and twenty other slaves so that we would not raid their village. _

_Our clan and she both knew enough of the common language that they could communicate. Her name was Nesse. She told them of her gift. _

_The wise women had tested her and determined that she was of such value that they should not wait until Pecker Head returned. I could only agree. What a thing of beauty! She still wore the garlands her people had put on her as a thank you for the gift of their lives. _

_In a gourd she carried the sleeping magic. Bleeding fucking bleeding, there was no need to scream until she endured the flames, they told her. When it comes to saving their own skins, you can really count on the pecker heads to do the right thing. I am going to start sword training, pecker heads need to die. Who would suspect me of that gut thrust? …Just say'n… _

_As a rule, we needed slaves. But, when one was given as a sacrifice, it was believed that a sacrifice was needed and the clan stood in favor of this. _

_With Erikr as chief, if she is to survive, it would be with his words. Never would she have any legal status, for our clan would not allow it, because she had been given as an offering. But she would have her life and perhaps I would have a nightly partner that was warm and willing. _

_With coin allowing, we paid several of our married friends for the use of their bed slaves. For this important occasion, my boy will speak the good words so we can have extra coin and this lovely, as well. _

_It is The Night of the Calling and the fire burned hot, not because it had turned cold. The fire that night was to burn her. If she was not valued this would be her fate. Erikr had killed. I had bloodied women and men prisoners, myself. This would not be the first time a life was held in his hands. _

_But she had a gift that could be given to the clan. The wise women that tested her bathed her and prepared her for her funeral. The women explained that they could not undo the giving of her as a sacrifice, but if her gift was accepted and if she died the small death, tonight, in the clan chieftain's arms, she would exist in the realm of the dead, but was undead. She could not be wife, or concubine or anyone with legal standing. She was dead. _

**The eldest woman briefed her. "Vikings are the most arrogant, egotistical race that ever walked the planet. This is what enables them to get into a boat and sail off into the unknown. Any modesty you had as human, it died with you. Remember that. While you stand there, let him take whatever he wants in front of the clan and live as the undead and be of service to our clan."**

_That is what my boy did. He is an explorer. We have gone to the New World several times. _

_His father has left him in charge for the first time. Tonight, this is who he is. He is the Hedrad Klanmedlem. His ego knows no limit and ever since word of her has been brought to us I have been one eyed raging hard! _

_She is his for the taking and he will be taking. I am voting yes for that! My boy is all male ego and I am pushing that as well and we are going to have our own woman. No need to ask permission from the pecker head to have one, no need to ask anyone. This is a dream come true. _

"**He will not have sex with you in front of The Clan, but it will be dark and he will do other things. You will be facing the clan and he will be standing in front of you so that will give the two of you some privacy. When he fondles your breasts, no one will be able to see. Do not fight the feelings that will rise up in you. If you do, it will only make it that much harder. You must give your all to him so that he will stand with you by his side and claim you. Otherwise, it is the fire.**

**Drink the mead, Nesse, this will help. You are given as a sacrifice. The fire is lit. Please him. Your life and our village are depending on you." **

**There is a jug full of a very sweet honey mead being passed around. Nesse has had several drinks. All the women are toasting the chieftain as they continue to drink from it. Nesse tilts the jug back and fills her mouth. With each swallow, they tell her, soon, she will be swallowing something else. There is much laughter. **

**When that jug is gone, another one appears. There is a lot of joking about the size of her lover. All the women here tell her that her taking shall be very sweet and filling. That never has she had a man like this. And after this one, she shall never want another. They are all chuckling and moaning, "Oh Erikr." **

_Yes, yes and yes! Yes again! That is us! When we are in a woman, you can hear her screaming all over the village and down to the docks and into the woods and above the chopping of the lumber jacks! YES! _

**Her heart quickens, what she does not tell them is that never has she had any man.**

**The women help her dress. This is unexpected. She had thought she would go to her death, but instead, perhaps, to a bed and with one such as him. Listening to the women talk he beds women and not men in secret. This man will want her and desire to bed her and she is sure that he will bless her with babies.**

**They put on her a blue silk and linen dress, her stocking being held up with blue ribbons and her suede shoes fitted neatly to her feet. These things are costly and she is overwhelmed that they have been given to her. That the head of the clan has given them to her, marking her as his before there is any fondling. Before he even sees her. She does not know how this is possible but she is thankful to what ever god resides here.**

**The women pass her the jug one more time. Taking a big drink, it sends fire to her stomach and other parts. Tonight, if she lives, she will be no longer be virgin and perhaps, in time to come, a mother.**

**When she steps out into the night there are people standing in a row on either side of her. Her lover is there, in the near distance, waiting for her. Even in the dark she can see that he is dressed in his Viking finery. His sword strapped to his waist, his pants and shirt of fine blue silk and linen. His crown of the chief on his head. **

**He stands on the porch so all can see. More torches have been lit and more fires have been called forth. The night is full of shadows.**

**Listening, she could hear the rustling of the pine trees. The air smells clean and sweet. She could feel the people pressed together, behind her. In the shadows, the dogs lay, silent and alert. The heat from the fire warmed her and yet in her heart she was still cold. What is she is not worthy…what if he does not like foreigners?**

**She was dead until he said otherwise. **

**Her feet carried her there and The Viking now stands before her on the porch. This Viking is very tall, undoubtedly the tallest man she has ever seen. He is handsome and terrifying. With his hand he beckons her to climb the stairs. **

**Now that she is standing here with him, when he looks at her, she can see his desire. He is the clan leader and he wants her and she knows that she is his for the taking.**

**That lazy, sensual smile that he wears on his lips. The way he licks his lips when he looks at her, the way his eyes travel up and down her body and finally rest on her breasts. **

**His smile gets bigger and he lightly shoves his hips forward and licks his lips, again. He makes a V with his fingers in front of his mouth and licks up the sides with his tongue. **

**He is going to take her tonight and seal her fate to his. Then he placed a hand on either side of his crotch. He is huge and he is going to put that in her. The way her body is shivering, she wants this to happen, very much so.**

**She feels herself go wet and then his smile disappears and in his eyes there is only the wanting madness.**

_This woman is going to be ours. I can feel my boy piggy backing onto her magic. Yes, yes yes! This was going to be sublime and give him whatever resources he needed to take her where ever he wanted, too. A telepath, she could read minds…then she knew what he wanted and what I wanted and that I am the throb that ached in him for her. Our own woman! _

**He squared his shoulders and stands up straight. Perfect posture. His face blank, neither approving or disapproving. He watched the scene unfold as he wrapped his majik around hers in tendrils. He was using passion as the conduit. She would want no one else. Ever. His woman! His!**

**The clan was standing around the steps of the Great Hall. It was _The Night of the Calling_. The night when the new skill that had been acquired by a person was brought before the chieftain and given to the clan. **

**If it was nothing more than a child learning to read the alphabet, it was a cause of jubilation for they were richer for it and they held it as a marking of time. There were rituals and spells cast by the wise women so that all could share in the gift. Very powerful magic.**

**His voice was very quiet. "It is the time of the clan gift giving, it is _The Night of the Calling," _he declared. "Why should I hear what you have to say and what has called you here, before me, disrupting your elder?" His voice carried on the night.**

**Carefully, he fed Nesse the words, listening to her cadence.**

**Nesse could feel the night air, around her. Those words were very familiar and they just flowed from her mouth. The wise women had coaxed her in them, today. And now she felt a pull from him. "Because you are my Hedrad Klanmedlem and it is my responsibility to help keep the clan safe. That is what gifts are for."**

**"And…" his voice was full of portent.**

**"Because I have a gift, it would be wrong for you to find out from someone else when it was my place to tell you. You are head of the clan. It is your responsibility to keep us all safe. All gifts belong to the clan. This keeps us from chaos."**

**With his hand he beckons her to him. With a deliberate move, he places her closest to the building while he towers in front of her. They are both lost in shadow.**

**"And…" he ran one hand down her braid, the other, tracing her jaw line. He lifted the braid to his nose. Then he untied the leather thong that held the end. He undid her braid, sifting his hands through her hair, massaging her scalp. Her hair was now worn lose, showing that she was a maiden. "…what is this gift?"**

**Leisurely, his hand followed her hair down her back, until his hand rested on her butt. Cupping one cheek, he lightly squeezed, then ran his hand back up to her head. Lifting her hair to his nose he inhaled deeply.**

**In her nervousness she had left out the most important part! Now she was shaking at her mistake. He had led her back around to the point but now her voice was a squeak when she said, "I am a telepath. This gift belongs to the clan. This keeps us from chaos."**

**"What does this mean, you are a telepath?"**

**Steadying herself, she willed herself calm. She was still alive. She could do this. "I can hear the minds of others, know what they are thinking and know when there is truth or lies."**

**His hands were touching whatever he wanted. Shivering now in desire she heard him say, "So, you can read my mind?"**

**"Yes, Hedrad Klanmedlem."**

**He ran his finger across her face, it finding its way into her mouth where he was gently rubbing the inside of her bottom lip. Then he replaced his finger with his mouth, his teeth gently pulling, his tongue tasting her. "Can you read my mind, now?"**

**Nesse's eyes went liquid and she gasped when he gently bit her. His finger had moved on down to her neckline, finding his way inside and then between her breasts. When he touched her nipple, there was a sharp gasp.**

**"Can you," he brushed across her other nipple, "now read my mind?"**

**There were audible groans coming from her. He pulled on her breast, his fingers pulling on her nipple before he finished. "Can you now?"**

**"Yes, oh yes," she gasped.**

**"Tell me, what am I thinking?"**

**"That you would like to bed me," her breath caught in her throat.**

**"So," he pulled the center of her blouse down so that only her cleavage could be seen and then he dipped his head and licked there, "you can read my mind."**

**"Yes," came out in a short pant, as he continued to lick, her pants became faster, "yes, yes, yes," then his tongue traced its way up to her neck and when he licked her pulse, she moaned, "oh yes."**

**"Since you can read the mind of your Hedrad Klanmedlem that makes you a threat to your Hedrad Klanmedlem. How," his voice very lazy, "do I turn the negative into a positive?" his fingers skimming along the top of her blouse.**

**"Tie me to yourself in such a way that I would never betray you," her heart in her voice for all to hear.**

**"How would I do that, Telepath?" His hand once more, tweaking her nipple.**

**"Please bless me with your children, please," her hands on his chest, "please, allow be to be the mother of your children."**

_I am all on board for that! With lots of practice making those children. Mine, mine, mine! I will please her and she will please me and we'll live happily ever after!_

**He had a hand under each breast. He hefted each one, his thumbs rubbing each nipple. "They appear to be adequate for nursing my babies." His tongue was back out, licking his lower lip. "Show me."**

**Modesty died in the pyre tonight. She pulled her blouse down, exposing her right breast. Bending his head, he latched on and suckled. When he pulled his head back, she pushed the blouse back into place and then pulled down the left side. His lips latched on to that one as well. When her hands went to the back of his head to pull him in closer, he let go. **

**The bulge in his pants spoke many truths. The wise woman had said he would not take her for all to watch, all though it was his right to do so. He could screw her and invite everyone else to do so before he tossed her into the flames. **

**Waiting, she knew she was waiting for his words. The gifts had never been refused. But it was his right to do so. In the distance, she heard the bells jingling that were on the reindeer. **

**"Come, Telepath," then he kissed her, passion in his tongue and he licked and sucked at her mouth, "and keep us from chaos."**

**He was waiting for her response. They were all waiting. Even the wind had hushed so that the trees stood silent.**

**"I would die using my gift to defend, you, my Hedrad Klanmedlam."**

**His magic around hers had gone from a gentle caress to a passionate lover's embrace. "Seal your vow," it was the merest whisper.**

**Placing her hands on his face, she was reaching up to him. With another kiss, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth, she was his.**

**Standing, he turned to the clan, his height massive. The firelight reflected off the golden torque he wore around his neck, the gold around his wrists, the gold that was the color of his hair and beard.**

**"Her gift is accepted," and his hands took her face, on each cheek he placed a kiss with a promise to protect her.**

**Erikr extended his hand to Nesse. She now stood with him and faced the clan. "Such a woman belongs to The Clan chieftain." He took the gold torque from his neck and the gold cuff bracelets that he had on each wrist. **

**"Mine," he had whispered to her when he kissed her neck and placed the torque there, "Mine," he said as he kissed each wrist and put them there, each time, his arm brushing against her breasts. "Mine," he looked into her eyes and then kissed her lips. Then "Mine," he declared in a roar to the crowd. "She is mine."**

_The fire that night burned hot, not because it had turned cold. The fire that night was to burn her. But she had been valued and he had accepted her value on behalf of all. Indeed, it was his dogs that stood guard at the camp. Just to make sure no one had questioned him on that. He posted his Jämthunds. They were fearless and loyal. They resemble wolves and would not back down from a bear. They would kill several before anyone with a sword was able to kill them._

_Whistling for the dogs, they begin towards the sauna. All stand to one side as they let us pass and congratulate him that such a fine gift has been added to the clan. No pecker heads in this group, tonight._

**She has only called him Hedrad Klanmedlem. She knows his name is Erikr, and it means _ever ruler_. What she knows now is that he will be the ever ruler of her heart. This man that wants her she will love forever.**

**He is carrying her in his arms and the whole time he is rubbing her ass and he has a hand under her breast. His fingers have tweaked her nipple several times and she is trying desperately not to moan or pant. He moves her body against his hardness and his smile only gets bigger. Yes, tonight she will be his and with a man such as this, mother to his children. It does not matter that she has no standing in the clan, he will value her, she knows this in her heart.**

**Her hands are trembling as he continues to tease her. It was just not the want for him, it was the need for him. Beneath her dress were only the stocking and she was aching for him.**

**Setting her down at the door, there was a deep kiss and then he swept her up into his arms. Walking through door, the sauna was heated and waiting for them. Pulling the dress over her head he then removed her stockings and shoes.**

**Not at all shy, she pulled his shirt form him, then his shoes and then his breeches. She did not show fear but her eyes got bigger. Putting her arms about him, she then wrapped her legs around his hips. With a growl, he took them both into the sauna where they immediately began to sweat.**

_Our Nesse is right. No need to fear the woman maker. I am very good at what I do._

**There were hides covered with soft linen laid on the top of the pine needles. He carried them both to the bed where he laid her and flipped her onto her stomach. He began by massaging her shoulders, and when a small sound escaped her mouth, then to her back. Placing tiny kisses where ever his hands went, she welcomed him. **

**He moved onto her bottom where his hands played at the rhythm that she would soon be doing back to him while he thrust in and out of her. The sounds from her now were small and frustrated. Soon, he would relieve that of her. **

**Then he massaged her legs and finally her feet where he had her whimpering. He could feel her muscles relaxing as her breath was quickening.**

_Yes, that is my boy. He is born to seduction and I am born to getting laid. Rising, he poured more water onto the coals, putting them out and then banked the coals with wet pine bough and the air became cooler. The smell immediately engulfed them and breathing deeply, she was opening her legs to us and I am throbbing. _

_With great care, he rolled her onto her back and it was his turn to moan softly when he looked on her soft nakedness. His kisses were every where and when they left her mouth and moved to suckle her breasts, she was screaming. Her pleasure is my pleasure. _

**Her hands were all over him and from her throat were little pleading sounds. His mouth started to move from her breast and she whimpered, "No" and pulled his mouth onto her nipple to suckle more. She was arching and her body had taken on the rhythm saying she was ready. But he knew she was not.**

**His fingers replaced his mouth as his tongue traveled down her body, licking his way until he reached her mound and then he stretched her folds to her center. When his tongue hit it her hips jerked up. When he suck it, she screamed and bucked into his mouth.**

**"Mm-m-m-m-m" the sound of satisfaction from him drove her over the age. When she came, he put his fingers just inside her so she could have something to bear down on.**

_From her throat were little pleading sounds. Oh yes, she wanted to touch me. She was begging….. His fingers were on her nub, again and then she was saying nothing but "Erikr" over and over. That is my name also! You can talk to me and I will listen and obey!_

_She was arching and her body had taken on the rhythm saying she was ready. I was more than ready but this was to be good for her so I could wait. Quickening his pace on her clit, he felt the tremor go through her and then a moan. Ahhh, just a very small taste of something very big yet to come…that very big being me and because of my size she must be relaxed and wet!_

_Her hips were still rocking and she was sobbing, saying she wanted to feel him inside of her, that she was ready for him. But my boy knew she was not. Oh not yet, she was not screaming nearly loudly, enough._

_"Just a little more something to help you along," he smiled as he kissed her._

_She was panting as he kissed his way back to her breast, "Now" she moaned, deep inside her throat and then he was kissing her._

_His body was on top of hers. Kissing, kissing, then his hands shifted from her breasts to her center and she was on fire, again._

_We were there at her entrance. His fingers felt her, stretched her and then they were inside her, slowly, he pushed them in and then stopped._

**"You were married, how is it that you are still intact?" His voice is soft in her ear.**

**"I was not desired as a wife," her eyes filled with tears. "I was not wanted…"**

_Yes, yes, oh bleeding fucking bleeding yes! Virgin! I am going to strut my stuff and be the very best and give her all that I am ….I am so very glad that the pecker head that was her husband had lived to keep her for us. Now that she is ours, he could die._

**Licking the tears from her face, his hands were caressing her hair as he looked in her eyes and said, "I want you, forever. I will love and cherish you forever." He licked her neck and his tongue traveled around her jaw line. "I am going to love you every night, this I promise, forever." Then his mouth was on hers, his tongue pushing against hers. His hands everywhere. **

_My boy, did I say he was born to seduction…that bears repeating...just say'n…_

**Moving his body down, he tongued her opening more times as she screamed his name. "You are ready for me now," he laughed. Kissing her deep, he mounted her, his eyes locked on hers as he began pushing in and out. Feeling her stretch around him. She was panting as he kissed her breast. **

_Sweet… sweeter… sweetest…hot and wet and dripping and I am home…_

**"Now" she moaned, deep inside her throat and then he was kissing her. His body pinning hers. Kissing, kissing, then his hand shifted from her breasts to her center and she was on fire, again.**

**Kissing her deep, he was at her barrier, his eyes locked on hers as he began pushing and pulling back, faster with each stroke. Then she was gasping, pleading with him to take her, then groaning.**

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! I am there, at heaven's door. The bridge to Valhalla! I now have all this because she was married to a pecker head and Pecker Head went a Viking! For once, he did something right! Mine! Mine! Mine!_

**"You are mine," he told her as she watched him "you will always be mine and virgin no longer," when he broke through her.**

_Sweet! Just bring that on home!_

**His head was above hers when the smell of the blood filled the air, proof that she was indeed, his. **

_And we have proof. We will be having some fun with this, later. Women's magic, here we come…oh well, not my turn yet to shudder and shake and spit out my delight? Not yet! Sweet!_

**Watching her closely, he was coxing her, asking her how it felt to have his shaft deep inside her. Kissing her. He continued to rock in and out, slowly, allowing her to adjust to him. **

**She was pleading with him, his name always on her tongue. Then she was gasping, pleading with him to quicken his pace, to ride her, to fuck her, to do whatever he wanted, just not to stop.**

_I am always a gentleman, do whatever the lady wants._

**Groaning, he pushed all they way to her length, and then back his eyes never leaving hers. "You can take all of me," he whispered to her. "You are the only woman I have ever lain with who could take all of me. You are mine, you were destined to be mine." Wrapping her arms and legs around him, she started shuddering. There was screaming and tears flowing from her as she climaxed.**

_The fit was perfect. Unbelievable! All the other women…this was the first time that I had been held completely inside a woman's body. Bliss! Like being a virgin for me as well. I would be raging hard the rest of my days! Hooray for pecker heads that went a Viking!_

**He rolled them onto their sides and held her close. Erikr kissed and whispered, "Oh, my Nesse, we have not even started." Her eyes got round. "Those were just a simple pleasures, small releases to help build on the next one." Smiling, he pulled out of her and sat on the pallet and watched as she sat up, her hands trembling as she reached to stroke his bloodied shaft.**

**Kissing her he got up and went to the fire pit. From a pot there, he withdrew a warm, wet, cloth and brought it back. Sitting beside her, she wiped the blood from his engorged penis and then he took it from her and had her lie back down. "Close your eyes and rest a moment and let me clean you," he smiled at her. **

_Proof, fucking proof! Ours and ours only!_

**Starting at her foot he kissed his way up her leg until he encountered the first of the blood on her inner thigh. He washed her carefully. **

**When she was clean he took her hands and pulled her into a sitting position. "Do you hurt?" he asked her. She answered him with a kiss and a shake of her head, no, and then another kiss.**

_She was so filled with need, she climbed onto him and sank onto me gasping. (Oh yes ,we did love Nesse making that sound. Using that great Norse word to describe it.) He was working his hips and me and her arms were wrapped around him, her head on his chest and I am living the dream. Yippie-i-oh-ki-yay! Ride'm cowboy!_

**It was time to get to the business of letting her find this release. Pushing her backwards, he came with her and when he settled on top of her, she started pushing up, on to him. Settling over her, he started suckling again as he rode her. **

**He could feel her when her whole pelvic floor stated pulling him in deeper and deeper, stroking him, "my lover," she was moaning and then it was "Erikr, Erikr, Erikr, behaga nu, (please now) behaga, gehaga," then she screamed, "Erikr, gehaga!"**

_I was being sucked into her sweet depths! Bleeding fucking bleeding! No one had ever done that to me before!_

_It was very sweet when he moved his hand to her nub and then it was just screaming. Putting his mouth back on her breast, she came up off the floor, the scream filling him with wonder. He was gently laughing as her screaming got louder and she kept trying to push her way upward. One more nip, one more lick, then his eyes locked on hers. "Your belly will be big with my babies and all shall know that you are mine," he whispered to her._

_I promise myself I will make that happen for her. A baby is in her future. _

**Her orgasm lifted her from the floor and shook him to his core, as well. She was pleading with him to never stop loving her. To always be her lover. The lust was riding him and he was on the edge and his mouth was at her ear, "I am going to suckle at you now empty breasts, but soon, they will be filled with milk for my babies."**

**Her eyes had rolled into the back of her head as this one tore through her. His words had drove her to madness. His smile just kept getting bigger. This next orgasm should be the one to shake her to her very core. **

_Nesse had flipped us over and was on top of him, passion still radiating out from her, another orgasm getting ready to take her and this one would be violent. Her hands were on her nipples and his hands were on her ass rubbing and squeezing her. She was starting to shake violently as she was bucking on top of us and squeezing me with her girly inside muscles! What a ride! _

**He slipped a thick, short, well oiled piece of young red deer antler into her anus and then she was screaming, uncontrollably, "Yes, lover, oh yes, give me your babies, fill me with your babies," over and over in the _Norse_. Then, from her mouth, just a primal scream.**

_When we came it was with a roar. He had pulled her to lie on top of us and they were wrapped around each other. The orgasm that started deep in L&R came screaming out of me had rocked right through him. _

**"Hello, my lover," he whispered as he kissed her. His eyes were locked on hers. Still inside her, he gently thrust his hips forward and massaged the piece of antler nub that was protruding from her. Several more orgasms ran through her. He could still see her need in her eyes and he did it again.**

**"My lover," she said as she raised her mouth to his for a kiss and her wetness flooded the legs of both and more tremors went through her.**

**"Mmmmm," his tongue was lazy in her mouth and then withdrawing it, he pushed into her one more time while he wiggled the piece of antler. There was a gasp from her and a shudder and then a smile in her eyes. Both were still shaking from aftershocks, for several minutes, **

**It was now blue eyes to blue eyes, her head raised as she ran a hand down his face. "We will always be such?" she whispered to him.**

**Love shown from Erikr's eyes. "Do not ever doubt," as he gave just a slight nod of his head, then a gentle kiss.**

.

_In the afterglow, our woman talks to him and tells him how she can hear more than just people's thoughts. Sometimes, animals, the forest, the earth, itself. _

_She is so much more than anyone knows and she is ours._

_The pecker head will be back by the time the full moon rises. That is five days from now. There is now a need for more and we are starting, now. _

_He took her, his council scarf, his sword, and the bloodied cloth to the ring of standing stones and woke the guardian. Bring them all to bear witness, was all he said. _

_By the time the other women have arrived, he had dressed her as a sacrifice. Nesse is nude and around her waist is tied his scarf, done in blue and white twill and he has woven the night blooming flowers into a wreath for her head. _

_Each woman nicks her finger and makes their sign on each breast, and her stomach. All the wise women watched as they walked to the alter. Lifting her, he placed her on the alter stone, unbuckled his sword and dropped his pants and then joined her there._

_They all hear the moaning and then both of them screaming. There is silence. They all know the small death has been achieved._

_Helping her from the alter, with a kiss he sets her feet on the ground and pulls up his pants and buckles on his sword. With his arm around her, he pulls her into his side. They walk back to the beginning stone. With the bloodied rag, he wipes it across it. We once more walk the path of Odin's long boat, leaving her blood and our semen on each stone._

_Some of the women are livid. He has marked the stones not only with his blood, but now with hers, the dead. _

_Virgin, probably not. This might just be fucking perfect for them._

_Just as an aside, you need to understand, that once Alvör passed, Erikr was recognized as part of the priestess league, but what the fuck, they were sucking sour lemons about it. The question was often asked, not when Erikr was present of course, if there was any way they could undo what Alvör set in motion._

_They had tried to call their circle back to the moon, but without success. They all cycled with Odin's long boat and pissed and moaned about it._

_Maybe, just maybe, in his arrogance, this is the moment they have been waiting for._

_Finna is the youngest of those called to bear witness and she does not believe this. _

_"You dare to sacrifice a lie. We shall kill you now and laugh at Odin in this woman's place that you have defiled." _

_Oooooooooo, a female pecker head…._

_My boy tightens his hold on Nesse's hand and Finna, she who is soon going to be dead, walks over and slaps him and then shoves Nesse's legs apart and plunges two fingers into her._

_When she withdraws them she is weeping in sorrow. Her fingers are bloody and her life is forfeit._

_Erikr drags her screaming over to the alter and bending her body over it, he draws his sword and slits her throat and leaves her there to bleed out._

_The other women run to fetch the vessels to hold the blood that must be burned. They are all fucked and they know it. He has sealed Odin's journey in virgin's blood. Their sister lies as a sacrifice on the alter to Odin. It has all come to pass. The women's magic is now seated in the second son and they are all fucked. The magic is his and it can never be called back to the place of its beginning. They are without hope of the long line of women's magic of ever returning to them. They will have to start, anew. One dead high priestess at a time. _

_Then to add insult to injury….he tells them we are living in the priestess' cabin until ours is built. _

_I love my boy. I guess I maybe don't say that often, enough. He has friends that love him as well. That morning he goes to Edval, the master shipwright, who had trained us to be a master shipwright and Erikr tells him he is going to build a cabin out from the village and he has a few spare coins and does he know anyone who would like to help…!_

_And so it starts! Friends show up, one with a boar tossed over his shoulder and Nesse builds a fire and goes to work skinning out the boar and then cuts all his tendons and pounds him flat with the shovel so that he lies out like a rug. _

_Then she digs the pit and pushes the coals into it and lays the boar out on top of it and then pushes more coals on top. In today's lingo, that there be cave man steaks… _

_As the cabin goes up, she goes out into the woods with a pail and comes back with it filled with honey and comb and blue berries._

_All his friends are all looking at Erikr and you can see them rolling their eyes. He is a good warrior, skilled with a craft and he gets himself a woman who can cook. _

_As she busies herself with the shovel and the boar she determines he is done and pulling over a wide plank that has been sawed off, she pulls the boar out of the coals and scrapes off the coals and the douses him with honey and the blueberries. Gathering enough wooden pieces for all for a plate she says it is time to eat. She apologizes for the lack of mead and once she has a few things, she can start brewing._

_Yes, warrior, craft, big dick, woman who can not only cook but who can brew. Go figure…. _

_They were all slapping Erikr on the back. Who knew someone who was dead could do so many things. Their live ones could not do half these things. _

_At the end of the 4th day, the cabin was finished. Erikr retrieved his bear's skull from where he sat at the table. It was now on a shelf above their door._

_. _

_When the pecker head came home it was toooo fucking late. His second son had a woman…she was gifted…she was gifted to the clan… woe begotten son had set the stones with virgin's blood and the one friend Pecker Head had in the wise women was now a sacrifice to Odin. Her blood had burned in the fire that had been intended for the sacrifice that was somehow now given to his second son who now lived in a cabin with this dead one that could brew mead. What the fuck was all the old man could say and scratch his balls that had given him such a son. He went a Viking and when he returned his world had changed. He went a Viking and his son turned into the man he had always feared he would be…Alrik._

_._

**In his heart, Leif rejoiced. The telepath did not conceive. Her magic was stronger than that of his son's. He celebrated that every night with a toast to the moon who ruled their lives and he would spit on Odin.**

**Three years later he was drunk in his cups. Cursing everything and everyone he drank until he could not stand. A son had been born. And he looked just like his father who looked just like Alrik. So Erikr's magic was stronger than that of the telepath. They were all fucked.**

**.**

_Our Nesse, she had given the oath to him and then…and then…he had taken her and she had been sweet in the taking. She was not ever a slave, more than a concubine; she could not ever be his wife. Instead, he had put his gold on her and cherished her. _

_All knew to whom she belonged. No, not ever one with legal standing in the law, but she was just as loved and cherished, because she had been his and his alone. _

_She had only called him, "My lover," and only when they were alone. When she saw him in public, it was " Hedrad Klanmedlem"._

_It was his joy to provide for her in all ways. Be her mate, lover, father to their son, her friend..._

_Things changed when his older brother, died. He had had to marry his brother's wife to keep that bond of the families. That was expected and his duty. _

_He had always accepted Aude and eventually came to regard his friendship of her as love. But she was never his, in his mind, she would always be his brother's. But, he did what was expected and held to duty. There were times when he had simply wanted to say, "Fuck duty."_

_When Aude died, he was sent to meet his next bride._

_It was, a blessing after all, to be vampire. When he had not returned from that faithless night, there had been no body found, they could not burn our Nesse's and our Leif's with ours. _

_But they were tied, these two were soul mates. She knew he still walked, perhaps as spirit, but not as human. But she knew he still walked because she could taste him on the wind and her heart called to him at all times. _

_He could taste her on the wind and he could hear the heart that beat just for him while his held none. _

_. _

_Our home was now hundreds of miles south, on the continent. We were far enough away that we would not be recognized. _

_Erikr had been planning this all along. As long as his Nesse lived, he would need to see her once, so she would know. So she would move on with her life and stop mourning him and hoping for his return. _

_We had taken hits off the Roman pig every early new dark for the past month, prepping for just such an occasion. _

_When the fucking pig rose, he took our clothes and told us he would be gone until the new dark. We knew this to be a lie. He would be gone until sunrise. That gave us more than enough time._

_Our flight that dusk was super sonic. _

_That night, we stood in the shadows and watched her. She knew immediately that we were there and knew not to approach. Even though she sat at the cabin, the village was still stirring. Old friends would still stop by or call out on their way home. Our lover called our son to her and he sat with her, patiently on her lap. He fell asleep and she cuddled him, not moving. _

_In the encroaching darkness, we were filled with sorrow and joy and cried at what had been lost to us. The boy resembling us in all ways. Our lover's soul singing of her joy that we were here._

_The way she had tilted her head, we knew she was listening. Waiting until all had gone in to bed, she continued to sit outside our cabin. When she could no longer hear the voices, rising she carried our growing son on her hip, with his head resting on her breast. _

_The light from inside the cabin cast a glow that flickered around her. She walked to the end of all of the light that she had. We walked to the edge of all of the darkness that we had. Erikr did not disguise what we had become. There we stood, with fangs and claws and bloody tears running down our face._

_"My lover," she stretched out her hand to him. "Please, take us with you."_

_Horrified at her words, we backed away from her. No, no, no! Those that we love, exposed to this! No! screamed through us!_

"_I love you, forever and always", she cried, her hand reaching for us. _

"_I love you, forever and always", Erikr repeated, chocking back sobs as we disappeared into the night._

_The last time we saw her was with tears streaming down her face. In our long years, never had we hated that dirty, fucking, pig of a Roman more than we had that night._

_I would never say this to Eric, but at times I wonder if it was the pecker head that sold us out to the fairy. After Aude died, the pecker head was flush with gold. Then there was the way he insisted that we walk to that village that evening to meet the new wanna be. How Leif got so drunk he could not stumble home, but slept there, instead. He knew Eric would go home to his Nesse, no matter what. I think plans were made and plots were laid and gold exchanged hands. This is just something that makes me pause from time to time and makes me glad that Eric is my boon companion. _

_Of course, our Nesse is now our Sookie and we watch that dirty fucking pig of a Roman on the Hell Channel. Sweet! _

_From time to time we also watch the pecker head. He is just as pathetic and without friends in Hell as he was on Earth. _

_I believe in justice. Miss Ella is right, in the end we really do get what we deserve. Yippie-i-oh-ki-yay! _


	4. Chapter 4

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter Four

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter Four

_There is something you need to know about my boy, Eric. He was raised in a village, constantly surrounded by people. The noises of life went on around him. There was not much privacy and the most intimate of acts were often heard._

_Children died from disease and warring but not much else. There were always eyes about that insured that no toddler went walking off into the woods by itself. A four year old was responsible for the baby and was proud to have the job. This is how we were raised. Be alert and observant at all times. And we always kept a sharp eye for the enemy and for those that were smaller. _

_And every child in our village knew, if you did something wrong, it made it back to your family before you did._

_Eric's father, all though a pecker head, was the clan chieftain. Eric was raised in a long house where he was constantly surrounded by people. We traveled by long boat and we depended on our friends to keep the boat afloat and bailed as we snaked our way across the waves, the deep, and to new lands._

_All though it was a job he did not want, Eric was born to rule. To live his life in the middle of all of those that surrounded him. His calling was to see to the needs of others and keep us from chaos. _

_After being turned, Ocella thought to torture us for his own sick enjoyment. It lost its thrill when we would not cry out. That pig shit had no idea of how broken we were. We had gone from a fulfilled completeness to a full nothingness. When we were turned, the absolute aloneness ate at my boy and when at times he could not weep tears of grief and sorrow, I did it for him._

_We had vowed that we would never turn another to vampire. To take them from their life into our undeath, we were not that monster. _

_Then we met P. Ravencroft….WTF! _

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

**I Said No**

**"What is that smell?" Eric asked, as he backed up and looked down the alley.**

"**Sheeeeeew," Samuel fanned his nose, "like a bunch of something dead. Like a bunch of dead rats something dead."**

_My boys are right, it is foul…and that is just the smell coming from the alley. We have passed a couple of dead somethings tonight already. They were too big to be rats and looked too much like left over humans to be a hog. _

_I suspect Weres were the cause of the deaths. The Weres in British Isle are such sloppy eaters and are easily distracted. On a full moon, to avoid attack, all you need is a ball, a good arm, and tell them to go fetch. _

_We are out and about tonight because we are tracking down a lead. Follows, one of Catherine's own, had skipped town. With the old dark, we had brought the final death to his nest and left him in tact, intentionally. _

_For the past month we have started a rumor here and there that there was a poltergeist from the time of Elisabeth that had been awakened by a vampire when he had come back to the house where he had done the deed of murder most foul. That said pissed off ghost was now attacking vampires. Since we had started this rumor, we felt it prudent to do a little follow up. We never miss an opportunity to fuck with Catherine._

_That is how we came to be in walking past this alley._

_And now we could see activity in this alley. This alley would change our lives forever…to quote Brother Samuel, oy vey!_

**"What is that she doing?" Eric picked Samuel up and they were now on top of the building, so that they had a better view.**

**"Looks like she is shoveling those rats into that small wagon." Samuel was amused and a whole lot amazed. "I don't know that I have ever seen a lady of breeding shovel rats?"**

**"What the fuck?" Eric is leaning over the edge of the building. "Look, she has retrieved what looks like, part of a pig, off the ground, as well." Taking a deep breath, Eric looked over at his brother who was now hanging off the building by his toes. **

**"Smell that?" Samuel was intrigued. "She has poisoned the meat so that she can," he hesitated as he watched her whack with her shovel what he guessed was a rat that was not quite dead enough for her, "collect dead rats."**

**Eric grinned. "A plot is a foot. Let us follow her and see where she takes her lovely cargo."**

_In our very best vampire mode, we followed the lovely young lady. That consisted of staying in shadow, wiggling our eyebrows as we flew over couples coupling in the flower beds, and riding the air currents with an occasional bat. We would stop to throw a ball to a Were to keep him from howling at us and wanting to chase us and join in on the fun._

_Merrily we vampired along and our lovely young miss paid no heed to anything around her. It was very curious that she attracted no attention. Human, Supe, or whatever else roamed the night. She went about unobserved. She was very much the topic of our discussion as we cruised through Hyde Park. _

_And for all the things that cruise through the park at this time of night, she was either fool hardy or fearless. We were all believing that she was fearless…and had to be warded with something all though it was not something we could discern._

**"Oh my," Eric chuckled, "for a lady of 1699, she is, with her shovel, quite courageous and knows her way through Hyde Park and comes out right onto, ohhh, Deanery Street."**

_It was with great delight as we watched her pull her little red potato wagon with much pride down the street of the Bon Ton. The home of those wealthy individuals who were so privileged that they used a French term to describe just how well off they were. I guess Peu Wagon Rogue Remple de Rats Morts Rue (Little Red Wagon Filled With Dead Rats Street) would have been a mouth full._

_There was a small stand of trees that would give us the best view of our mysterious lady. This is where we desired to watch. We destroyed the two vamps that had thought to claim those trees as their own. _

_Samuel was standing on Eric's shoulders as we hovered on our way to the top. _

**"She has stopped in front of that house. I do believe that is where the Ambassador to Spain, lives."**

_Brother Samuel was most astute. He moved from Eric's shoulders so that they could both find a comfy spot on a limb._

**"Yes, we were just there the other night," Eric stated as he floated up to that limb to stand behind Samuel so he too, could see.**

**Taking a pot of red paint from her wagon and a paint brush, she wrote on the wall that was the main entrance onto the grounds:**

Hola hijo de puta rata gorda. Estas ratas muertos huelen major que tu. Volver a Espana. Nunca me casare contigo.

P. Ravencroft.

(Hello fat rat bastard. These dead rats smell better than you. Go back to Spain. I will never marry you.)

_Then, with shovel in hand and with the practice of a grave digger, Eric noticed, she started shoveling rats and then out came the left overs of the dead pig. Tossing the shovel into her wagon, she started for what could only be home, which was the next house on the street. I was most impressed!_

**"She is really good with that shovel," Samuel was watching her closely. "I do not believe I have ever seen a lady of breeding handle a shovel the way she just did."**

**"With the experience of a grave digger?" Eric asked.**

**"Well, yes," Samuel nodded in agreement, "it was the way she positioned her shoulders, she certainly has expertise in this area."**

_The boys stepped back into the shadows as they watched grounds men from the Ambassador's house open the gate, shovel up the dead rats, and then wash down the message that had been left on the wall. The impromptu theatre of P. Ravencroft had been removed and all that was left was a clean slate for what I hoped was more entertainment tomorrow night._

**"No one sounded an alarm or seems to be upset. How many times do you think she has left some sort of message on his wall?" Samuel was watching the men disappear back around the house.**

**"How curious are you?" Eric asked, looking around. **

_All was quiet. Miss P. Ravencroft was still making her way home. I noted her wagon was very silent. Some one must grease the wheels of that charming little wagon for her._

**"Very," Samuel replied.**

**"Well then, let us go and take a look."**

_The boys were carefully inspecting the wall searching for more clues to this mystery._

**"Now, here is black paint with the message that looks like, she wrote, **'You have a black dick that is rotting off.**'" Eric's eyes went back to the solitary figure that was Miss Ravencroft, opening her own gate.**

**"Oh, look, here she wrote with blue, **'The cure for the blue balls is masturbation.'**" Samuel was nodding his head in agreement. "This is good advice. If she were a male, she could be a doctor. **

**Plus, she is an excellent speller. Her written Espanol was also very good. Her penmanship, superb, even with a paint brush. Castilian, I believe. I would so enjoy listening to her speak it. "**

**"Truly, not a woman of her time." Eric was chuckling. "Hmmm, here in orange it…Samuel, what is that she wrote?" Eric was laughing. Truly, **'Suck your own dick.'**"**

_That is impossible. I know because I am speaking from experience…and why is it that women think we can do this thing? If we could, that is all that we would do. We would no longer bother you for sex, all though, a good meal is always enjoyed._

**"Oh and here, with red, again she wrote…," Samuel made a wiping motion with his hands, "well this is timeless and classic, **'Fuck you'**. It is re assuring, that no matter how long we live, that the tried and true continue to be the all time favorite."**

_And that, my friends, was the first time we saw the lovely and oh so well educated, P. Ravencroft_. _She did so rouse our curiosity. She was a little young for our taste sexually. Plus, all though Eric insisted that she was female, I had my doubts. I thought maybe she was a cross dresser with something of the Supe about her. It was very frightening the way she whacked those rats. I have see old women with their walking sticks whack rats, but surely such precision was due to so many years of practice. _

_P. Ravencroft was young and appeared by all accounts to be of the genteel nature. In her house hold, there would be those that were paid to whack rats. _

_But she had such accuracy! Did she practice on rats to hone her skills for something else? Oh, la la. Cross dressed or no, Supe or no, I think I like her…a lot…I think she is just what is needed to help keep our heads attached to our bodies and me in the stiffie business. I am letting this thought of this child and her little red wagon become the thought that she could be our child with her little red wagon...this is a very good thought! _

_Yes, I can see this...! A child!_

_We have money. We can keep her in shovels. _

_She was beginning to remind me of someone and his name is King Eric! I am beginning to think maybe I am over flowing with love and admiration!_

_I see a serious discussion coming our way. It is the time of our child! Eric will say no but I am beginning to think yes, yes, yes!_

.

_The next evening we were most curious as to whether P. Ravencroft would be out and about. _

_We were not disappointed. After all, she had a clean wall to write, upon. We were once more across the street from the house of the fat rat bastard. _

**"I can not yet see her, but, oaffff, I can certainly smell her and hear the rumble of her wagon," Eric was perched up in a tree with Samuel on the branch above him.**

**"Oh, she did not," was all Samuel could get out. "I think I am going to gag. Is it possible to throw up blood?"**

**Eric's eyes were watering. "She has emptied every honey pot between here and Knightsbridge. Oh-h-h-h, there she is now."**

_Coming through the park was P. Ravencroft. In her wagon, there were several containers that fit exactly in the back of her little wagon. There were containers precariously balanced on top of others. Yes, she was some type of Supe, this stacking ability she had proved me true. I see a child in our future!_

**"How does she keep them from falling off the top?" Samuel whispered.**

**"They dare not," Eric was wondering the same thing.**

_I could only agree with Eric. With no doubt, I feared not for her, the little wagon, or her precious cargo. Who would dare cross such a lovely who could poison and whack rats with such efficiency? Apparently now she shoveled shit and made it obey her! _

"**Or they will incur her wrath. Speaking of which, the maiden approaches. Shhhhh…"**

**And Samuel very quietly added "…it".**

**"Exactly," Eric replied as he got comfortable and watched her pull her wagon beneath them.**

_We are all curious. I am beginning to think I just might be completely entranced! We should seriously court her and woe her and then turn her and enhance this gift she has. We could use such a child! Go Team Eric!_

**"Oh look, she has white paint tonight. Do you think she is going to white wash his brick walls for him?" Samuel was intrigued.**

**"I do not believe painting his fence is what she has in mind," Eric snickered.**

**Reaching as high as she could, whistling, she walked along the fence and drew a line. Then on the wall on the other side of the gate, she wrote, in great big letters, "**I Said No_**.**_**" Then, she pulled her wagon close to the wall where she had drawn the line and started stacking her containers of liquid gold along the base of the wall.**

**"She's not going to have enough," Samuel began and then stopped. **

_Just at that moment, the real honey wagon pulled up. Several men hopped off. The city fathers hired only the finest. P. Ravencroft, as well._

**"Stack them up to this line," They both heard her voice. It did not take long. "Good, excellent, here is the rest of your money." Going back to her wagon it looked like she was returning with another pot of paint.**

_She lifted the lid and then the smell hit their noses. At that moment, I wanted her and sprang to attention. Eric whacked me. This is so not fair!_

**"Oh no she in not…" Eric got out.**

**"Oh yes she is," Samuel watched in fascination as what was clearly going to happen. "She is dousing everything with oil. Those wicker baskets are going to go up and oh…." Samuel was starting to gag, "there goes the torch."**

**.**

**"Fire, fire, fire!" P. Ravencroft was yelling as people looked out of windows and folks came running.**

_That gave me pause. As vampire, we do not like fire. Our would be child had no problem burning down the most fashionable part of London to make her point. This could be very interesting from a distance. Miss P. Ravencroft makes me smile. Eric needs to turn, her. For a moment, I wondered if she would call us Poppa! _

_We know about burning down London. Not at all our fault, the Great Fire of 1666 was one of the biggest I have seen. For the record, we did not throw that lantern. _

_Tonight, it was satisfying watching as people came running with buckets of water, then went, "Oh no, let it burn, we'll just make sure it does not spread." Yes, I think P. Ravencroft and I could be boon companions. Her sense of humor and mine are very much the same. She is, I believe, custom made and the perfect fit for us. I am going to start practicing a lullaby. _

**Smiling, she rubbed her two hands together. "Let me see you wash that off, shit for brains."**

_Then walking herself and her wagon on home, she was whistling what sounded a whole lot like a drinking and whoring song._

_We had perhaps drank and helped ourselves to bar patrons and serving wenches during that song on more than one occasion. It was a very good song. It helped to set the mood in the bar. We would get to singing and dancing and then dancing the wench over to an unoccupied dark corner after we chased the humans out so that we could make ourselves available to the lovely and all she had to offer. _

**"Oh I believe _Lusty Young Smithy, _is the tune she knows_._" Eric climbed up on the limb and sat next to Samuel. "How would she know that? That is a very randy song."**

**"More of the mystery, my brother, just more of the mystery of P. Ravencroft." Samuel was watching her as she sauntered home, waving to people who were hanging out their windows and watching. **

**"Do you think she is going to marry him?" Samuel asked as he watched the fire brigade gather and then complain about the smell.**

**"I do not think she has a choice in the matter," Eric said as he observed her. She had a certain grace and style as she pulled her red wagon home. "I do, however, wonder what she is doing tomorrow night."**

**"Is that a date?" Samuel's attention was back on the fire. "I am so impressed with her. She has doused enough oil on the brick wall that it is now burning, as well. And, can we possibly meet her?"**

**"Oh," Eric smiled as he watched her enter her front door, "I think the good ambassador will be inviting us to some type of little to do where he shall invite his fiancée. A little glamour should go a long way towards an invitation. **

**Oh look, here he comes now, let us just go and say our _'Good Evening, lovely night for a stroll and oh look, an even lovelier night for a…"_ Eric stopped for a minute to translate it exactly. "Several idioms come to mind, Samuel." **

_His brother was listening intently. Samuel sometimes had problems with English. Especially the idioms. Myself as well, this is why I am glad for Eric. Languages were indeed one of my boy's gifts._

**"Now, this could be for instance…" Eric paused, "… _an even lovelier night and that is a crock of shit…"_**

**"Yes my brother, I see plenty of crocks over there," Samuel nodded in agreement.**

**"Oh yes, I agree. Or perhaps _a lovely night for shitting a brick_…" Eric was waiting for that one.**

**"Ohhh, yes, because the bricks are now covered…?" Samuel looked at him with a question in his eyes.**

**"We will work on that one," Eric hugged him and they were both nodding in agreement. Eric continued with, "Then…_Oh look, a lovely evening and shit happens."_**

**Samuel was laughing, "Yes it certainly did." Then he was very thoughtful. "But it had some help from Miss P. Ravencroft. It did not just magically appear."**

**Eric was nodding in agreement. "Yes my brother, you are correct. But I think, if asked we could take the approach that it is a lovely evening for shit to happen." They both practiced that sentence a couple of times and nodded in agreement.**

**"And one of the Catherine's all time favorites," and they both finished with _"Oh, I see you are in deep shit."_ From the looks on their faces, apparently they had both been in that hole once or twice. Clearing their throats, they both began their downward descent.**

_I could only wish that with Catherine it was once or twice. What a nasty assed bitch. Miss Ella told us later that she was some minor demon that was caught in a human body when she was turned to vampire. As a vamp, she lost her demon magics and she could sure enough get pissed off abut it. _

_Then to top it off, as a vamp, she had no magic at all. That was a pisser! She could not even call her children, except by phone. And when she would call long distance, she would call collect. The first time she did that, Broddrick, one of her children in Austria, refused the charges. _

_When we went to take Miss Ella's statue out of villa on the Baltic, Eric found him still chained and gave him release by a stake through what was left of his heart. _

_With cell phones, Catherine made everyone buy their own and use her plan. She purchased the unlimited package from the,_ share your plan, share the world_, carrier and then charged her children a small fortune each month. We loved that for us. It made it real easy when we hacked into her account to know who was chatting with whom. _

**Once on the ground, they straightened their clothes and checked each other's make up. "I must say, my brother," Samuel was fixing Eric's hair. A few leaves had got caught in his queue. "I do not understand all this fascination humans have with their waste. Why, you have a whole treasure trove of idioms dealing with this. I am so very glad you are well versed in this area."**

**"We must always blend in," Eric put on his best smile. "You handle the money, I handle the idioms. You glamour the vamp, I fly us out of harms way. You purchase the war galleon, I sail the war galleon. This is very efficient. We each have our personal strengths and excel at them."**

_This is how Eric was raised. You gave your gift to the clan so that the clan could be kept from chaos. Whatever you personal strength was, it was valued. _

_So that even the least and the poorest of the clan could go to the clan chieftain and ask for help. If that gift had been given….the clan chieftain went… knock, knock, knock… hello, you are needed and help was provided, free of charge. This was a great boon to widows and orphans._

_And Samuel understood this, he was raised in a tribe, as well. So he had practiced the concept. Eric knew how to captain a ship and Brother Samuel knew how to spend the money to make that happen for his brother. _

_Besides, he loved Eric and wherever Eric goest so did Brother Samuel. And it was always in style and comfort._

"**Yes, well, I fell like excelling by going over and saying our hellos and making polite conversation about shit until we get the invitation." Samuel set his face in a nice smile. "Oh look, we have been spotted. Wave. What do we say if they want to talk bout their urine?"**

**"Oh, that is far too vulgar, that subject will not be brought up," Eric said as they crossed the road. **

_And that was the second time we saw P. Ravencroft.._

_It was not to be the last. _

_I still have mixed feelings about that... _

_._

_._

_._

**Samuel was just a little bit amused. Eric could feel it. "Will you please stop laughing at me," he moaned.**

**Then Samuel laughed out loud. "I do not believe I have ever seen you pace, before. I have heard soon to be new father's do this while their wife labors to bring forth the child."**

**Eric snarled at him.**

**"Besides, she reminds me a great deal of you. Why just burn down the house when you can burn down the entire inner city?"**

**"The fire that started on Pudding Lane was not my fault," Eric grumbled. "The prostitute threw that lantern. How was I suppose to know that she wanted to be paid in gold and not the minted coin of the crown? Seriously, I can not read minds. She was trying to kill me. _'Burn, you cheap bastard, burn_,' she screeched the whole time while the room went up in flames around us. I tossed her naked ass out the window and then I hauled my ass out after hers." **

**He could hear his brother still chuckling. "I can not read minds," Eric grumbled, again**

**Eric sat down and put Samuel on his lap. "I do no deny, I would enjoy having a child. These are dangerous times, Samuel, they would use her, against me."**

**The laughter filled the room. "My brother, seriously, we have watched her. She is fearless. She destroys her enemies. She destroys her enemies in a public and humiliating kind of way. She is exactly like you. She wants to be exactly like you." He could read all the emotions that flashed across Eric's face. His voice now, very gentle. "If not a child of your loins, my brother, then a child of your heart."**

**"If I were to do this thing, I will tell her everything," Eric began. "Nothing will be kept hidden from her."**

**"This is expected of a good maker," Samuel stroked his face.**

**"I want her to make an informed decision," Eric continued on. "Before we do this, I want her to know that she will never be safe since she is my child. **

**That we can be destroyed. That Catherine would delight in torturing her."**

**Samuel was watching the loneliness slip away from his brother. He could fill many roles in Eric's life and could give him anything. But he could not do this for him. He could not give him a child. "Rightly so, my brother, I would expect no less from you."**

**Eric took a deep breath and then let it out. "I would be a good maker. I would want her to call me Eric. At times, she would have to call me Master or My Maker, when we are around others. But, I would teach her all I know and then we would learn new things, together. And I will be there with her when she wakes. Every new dark, for the first hundred years, I will be there with her. She will never be alone. I will stand by her side and destroy any who think to destroy her."**

**"She will be much safer in the New World," Samuel smiled at him.**

**"Oh yes, the New World," Eric grinned at his brother. "Catherine, you fucking bitch, catch me if you can."**

**.**

_And that is the story of how we met P. Ravencroft. _

_Indeed, she became the child of his heart. Like her maker, she believed in walking into the lion's den, pulling its teeth and then making a necklace out of the trophies and wearing it to the next formal. _

_Of course, our girl came with her own bundle of quirks, just like we all do. She lived for high adventure and Eric loved her and so indulged her whenever he could. _

_If death and destruction could be planned to involve Catherine, so much the better. _

_Our girl was fearless and The Viking was her Maker. They became legend in the Supe community._

**.**

_Centuries later, Pamela would give our Sookie a some what different version of what had brought about her turning. That Sookie had thought that Eric had murdered her set the tone. _

_We stood in the dark and listened to Pamela explain it to Sookie in terms that Pam thought Sookie would find appealing and easy to understand. Pamela told her what most humans believed. With vampires it was sex, sex and more sex. _

_Please, sex was not what a vampire craved when he rose for the first time. It was blood…just as much as we could find. And sex with our maker…pbbblllttt! Oh, sorry, just a small dribble. It was sex with a human so we could eat at the optimum source flooded with hormones. _

_Besides, Pamela could tell at the time that Eric was clearly into this human, Sookie. Pam was not going to explain in any great detail about how she had come to be vampire. Her Maker was a thing of joy and deep commitment. She was not going to expose his heart to someone who thought he would murder his child._

_Pamela believed that Eric would win Sookie or loose her on his own and left him to do just that with all the teasing she could possibly toss in._

.

.

_._

_The New World was very good to us and we were, in turn, very good to it. This was now our home and would be for as along as we could foresee. _

_Brother Samuel called it the land of milk and honey. _

_Eric called it a place without that bitch Catherine._

_P. Ravencroft called it good times!_

_Whatever this new land was, we were a family and this was now ours. We acted accordingly. _

_._

**March 1775, Boston**

**Somewhere behind the British Lines in a very lovely home. One could even say, lavish.**

**"Why General Gage," the petite white-blonde simpered, as she poured his whiskey and then sat down beside him. "You are so strong and handsome. Truly, it has been a while since I have heard such a lovely British turn of phrase. **

**Please, won't you join me and tell me all your secrets," she winked and gave him a smile as she loosened the collar of his jacket. Fluttering her eyelashes at him, he smiled at her as he ran his hand through her hair and loosened a ribbon.**

**"My dearest," his voice was low and seductive as he leaned in for a kiss, "you would not want to fill that pretty head with such serious matters of state…"**

**"No, seriously, cocksucker," and now Pamela had him in her gaze, "tell me all your secrets."**

**The next evening she met Paul Revere and William Dawes downstairs in the _Green Dragon Tavern_ in Boston. **

**"Around or about the fifteenth through the eighteenth of April," she said as she set down their tankards of ale and kept walking.**

_Coming to the New World, she found a purpose. She fought the British and saved this great land! Never before was there such a spy! General Washington depended on her many times to carry messages for him. Helping Betsy Ross, the flag for General Washington came to be. Our girl was a great patriot and a Revolutionary War hero! And humble. Not anywhere is she mentioned in the history books. Such was her humility, she glamoured the writers not to include her name or her acts of heroism._

_._

_. _

_We embraced these acts of freedom for this land as if it was our own by birthright. Once we settled, their wars became our wars and their fights, ours. We bought land and built houses and finished bringing our wealth out of the Old World._

_._

_Boston flowed around us but not in us. Samuel and Eric had spent a lot of evenings discussing living in Louisiana. _

_"Why?" Samuel would asked. "If not Boston, come with me to New York."_

_All Eric could do was shrug. "I do not know. But this house I have drawn…" pain and then peace would fill him, "I know," he began one night as he unfolded the blue print, "I know my Telka sleeps in this room. She wants a window seat in front of this bay window. And my Erikr sleeps here, with this tree right outside his window."_

_That night, Samuel wrapped his arms around Eric and he cried. _

_"You must go," Samuel kissed him as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "Go and find your family."_

_._

_._

_Louisiana is where the plantation was being built. It was outside New Orleans, about ten miles. We saw no need to build so close to the city. We did not need curious eyes nor did we want neighbors of the curious type. Since it was a plantation, we owned hundreds of acres around us. _

_We lived in New Orleans while the house was being built. It was at this time that we met Miss Ruth and Miss Juliet. Their drunken master was playing cards with us in a men's club. _

_Monsieur Colline, who owned one of the cotton mercantile houses on the river, had brought two slaves along to be of service to him while he played. He had the nasty habit of slapping them any where on their body with a riding crop when they did not move fast enough to suit him. Everyone in the room could hear the whistle before it landed._

_This guy thought he was a real bad ass, beating on two very tall women who could do nothing about it. He had no idea what a bad ass was…but I could tell Eric was getting ready to show him. We needed a house keeper and a cook. After all, it was our intention to entertain and socialize. _

_Eric had a plan. He was taking this cocksucker's money in tiny bits and allowing others to win, as well. Monsieur would always win as well. It kept the game interesting. Because Eric was going to move in for the kill, literally. _

_Eric had about fifty thousand dollars worth of chips sitting in front of him. He pushed them all out to the center. Ohhh, so tempting!_

_Monsieur could not help himself. He saw how he was going to relieve a dandy of all of his money, but he was just a bit short on that much cash and chips. When he put Miss Juliet up as part of his stakes, the two women wrapped their arms around each other and began to sob. _

_When he rose, he began to remove his belt, we guessed it was so he could beat them with the buckle._

"_They are all ready damaged," Eric drawled, "you have scared their faces. I dare say you have probably pummeled them as well. I doubt they can bare children. Who will want them? They are less in value. You can not buy into the game with only one._

_Yes," Eric continued, "I can see by the look on your face. They have no children. So, they are only good for service. There will be no return on the investment. _

_Both or nothing."_

_We can see that these women have value. Beneath their bruises, black eyes and swollen lips, we can see the markings of the Igbo tribe. They were valued and have a pattern of what Eric knows are stars on their foreheads. They were apprenticed to their priestess. With these two in our service, our lives were about to get a whole lot simpler._

_My boy is nobody's fool. We have lived a long time and make a practice of learning new things. In the New World, there are many new things to learn. So many different cultures in one place and they all have a word for vampire. In Igbo, it is Ogbunabali._

_We won the hand, of course, even without glamour. We left, taking the money and the ladies. _

_Monsieur Colline was going to be our teaching point. This bully, Mr. Hill in the American tongue, was going to help us demonstrate who we were._

_Once the ladies were in the carriage, Eric touched them both on their hands. It was his cold touch to their warm one as they drew back, not in fear but in understanding. _

"_Watch," he smiled, with his fangs, down._

_When Mr. Hill staggered out, he went into an alley to relieve himself. Eric went in after him as Pam started the carriage and blocked the alley way. _

_With Mr. Hill safely inside, glamoured to keep him from moving or speaking but very aware of the very bad situation he was in, Pam started the carriage and Eric drew the curtains. _

"_He took the lives of your children," he said to both women. "We shall take his."_

_It was a quiet and pleasant ride. After Eric drained him, he saw no fear in the women's eyes. Pamela stopped at a bayou where there were known to be gators. He invited them to watch as he tossed the body in and then it was pulled under. _

"_You are the bringer of death in the darkness," Miss Ruth smiled. "You seek out the evil doers and destroy them."_

"_Ogbunabali," Miss Juliet bowed her head, "we are glad to be in your service." _

_Eric helped both ladies back into the carriage and we continued on our way._

_._

_When we arrived at the plantation, Eric gave them the walk about and then money. "Do what needs to be done. Find your own kind and I will purchase them and bring them here. Do not worry, I will not feed from them. I have the evil in New Orleans to choose from._

_Make out a list for whatever is needed and I will have it delivered._

_During the day, you are in charge of our home. If any one does not respect your wishes, I will deal with them when I rise."_

_Both the women smiled their thanks as Eric showed them to their adjoining rooms on the main floor._

"_Who," Miss Ruth bowed her head to him, "who is she that lives here? Is she our goddess Ala?"_

_Eric smiled as he glanced at Pam and then back to Miss Ruth. _

"S_he is my angel. I do not know what name she goes by. She watches over me and will watch over you as well."_

_._

_Miss Ruth and Miss Juliet came into our permanent service. It was not our plan, but it turned out to be a good one for us._

_It was the night of that faithful cotillion when along came the Miss Marie St. Louis Laveau. She put the whammy on us because Eric left her on the verge of an orgasm. That was not our fault! We were being chased by a group of oh so lovely and highly pissed off ladies. It appears women brag about good sex to their friends when they get good sex. The description they were giving of the fabled lover that was pleasing every one that evening only fit one...me, King Eric! _

_For some reason they were upset that I had tasted the charms of all the ladies, there! Why would they be upset? I do not kiss and tell!_

_Then we were chased by their husbands when it was discovered, that I, King Eric had made them all scream in pleasure they had never known, before! _

_Seriously, I can give you bragging rights! Just say'n..._

_Ahhh, with much regret, but with our heads still in tact, we left Miss Laveau, ahhhhh, unfilled. Oops! Truly, there is nothing worse than a woman who is there in one more lick and then the fevered tongue is gone and the only thing you feel is a breeze…it redefines a woman scorned…just say'n._

_And this woman! Oh baby oh baby! Miss Laveau, her whammy was just the best! Miss Ruth and Miss Juliet along with Samuel's live in crew all became life long members of living forever until their vampire meets the final death club. This club was small, exclusive and paid well. You did not age nor were you fertile. Sorta like vampire without all the perks and Catherine._

_History does, indeed, repeat itself. Just as Eric was surrounded by women magicers in life, so he was in un-death. Ahhhhh, good times. _

_And our child, she surrounded us in her magic, as well. We were no longer alone and had someone to love and pamper and spoil. And offer advice, too. And go shopping with. __And when we went to ground each new light for the first hundred years, we had something to hold in our arms that was uniquely ours. Our child. _

_To quote Eric, "Mine."_


	5. Chapter 5

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter Five

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter Five

_**Res·i·dence: **  
1. The official house of a government minister or other public and official figure._

_2. The act of living or staying in a specified place while performing official duties._

_Before there was __**Fangtasia**__, there was __**The Residence of Shreveport, **__a beautiful Gothic bar_. _No expense was spared. The child, our Pamela, could not walk in the holy places so Eric set about to create such a place for her. _

_Eric took the finest the world had to offer and incorporated it all into **The Residence.** It was on a small scale the genius of the French High Gothic architecture. Complete with magical gargoyles._

_._

_All though not pertinent to the story, an interesting fact:_

_Pamela now offers many dining packages. The one where you take the guided tour of the building and have a tapas at ten different stations is very popular. _

_As is the wine tasting on Sunday afternoons. There are two different wine events. Those that attend in medieval dress and those that do not. There are Soccer Moms that fill both of these very quickly. Please keep that in mind and make your reservations in advance._

_._

_Dear Readers, I apologize for that blatant commercial moment sponsored by P. Ravencroft Northman. She found out I was doing a rework of the stories and sought me out early this morning while I was dictating to Ms. Stewart. (I know, I know… please. Ms. Stewart's mind is in the gutter. She keeps trying to work in **dic-tating** and I keep deleting it when I preview the work. That woman….!)_

_I will attempt to keep Pamela's "interesting facts" out of the story. Once more, my apologies. _

_._

_It is the grand opening of __**The**_ _**Res·i·dence of Shreveport. **__This is before the Great Revelation and the grotesquely obscene fang bangers and before __**The Residence**__ would become, __**Fangtasia**__._

_**Fangtaisa,** what a nightmare!_

_Our place of business is the showcase of the Gothic style and seduction._

_This building had become a true reflection of The Viking. Superb craftsmanship, attention to detail, the finest materials, opulence, tasteful. _

_The wealthy spend their money on what my vampire would call transient things. _

_Not my boy. He spent money on things that would still be providing him with beauty one thousand years from now. A lot of these things had made their way into **The Residence**. And several of these things came with magic so that they held their own voice. _

_It was Samhain. All Hallow's Eve. Call it what you will. Upon rising, the new dark was perfect. You could taste the color of the changing leaves in the air. There was a subtle chill that made you think of hearth and home and warmth, a soul satisfying warmth that was yours for the taking. It was the beginning of a new era…it was, perhaps, the greatest night of our life. _

_On this night of the grand opening of **The Residence**, our Miss Sookie and her friend Tara worked very big magic and came in disguise. Ohhhhhh la-la! Turns out Compton was not our Miss Sookie's first, after all. Ohhhhhhhh la-la! _

_That honor was MINE!_

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

_**I Have Fought Many Wars**_

_Have you ever had that feeling that everything in your life to this point has been to bring you to this exact, precise, moment?_

_That in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that there is something so great that is going to happen to you when you turn the corner and take that first step, that it will define your life. At that moment all questions will be answered and all mysteries reveled. _

_For a crystal clear moment, you say "Well yes, of course…"_

_When we rose that all Hallow's Eve, it was with joy and jubilation. It was a new beginning. We all knew this. The wind sang it as it whistled through the stars. _

_Tonight was going to be high adventure. All of our friends were in town! We did not understand that it was going to be an evening that would forever define our lives._

_When we arrived at **The Residence**, for long moments we stood and looked at the outside. The old warehouse was over three stories high and Eric had it faced in limestone, like Notre Dame. _

_The outside looked like a giant box, no different than any other building. We thought that in the moon light, it glistened like the vastness of a snowdrift. That with the lights from the parking lot, when we were flying, it could be easily spotted. It was a homing beacon, our place of business, and it was also our place of refuge. That here, the world could slip away, if only for the moment when we unlocked the door and took one step, inside… that this was, the home of our wandering heart._

_Hollywood came to our doors that night. The rich, the famous. Our young ones, our Goth that worked here, they had been given invitations to pass out and students and family and friends came as well. And so did our Sookie… _

_As I said, I am all flash and all bang, myself. The air crackled that night with currents of home and I thought I knew all the answers. We had schemed and labored and even lied. We are Viking! We excel at those things!_

_We all knew that **The Residence **was because Eric had the balls to make it so. That the electrical charge that lit up our eyes to sky blue that night was because of the fruitarian of all our labors. We had come home, the world could just kiss our ass!_

_Looking back on the night, I know now, that is was our Sookie…that as she got closer to us, the more we vibrated and hummed and snarled at the ordinary. _

_At times, I blame myself for the fatal error we made. Eric was proud and his ego was radiating out into the universe. And why should it not…he had every right. **The Residence** was the very best that the Old World had to offer but on a much smaller scale. _

_His friends were with him to help him celebrate and since it was Samhain, all royalty was someplace else. The night was ours and we wanted to do more than just embrace it, we wanted to devour it._

_In Eric's office we had a toast and then, Renzo, produced a vile of fairy blood and in our arrogance, we and our boon companions, we each had a taste. And since it was Eric's night, out of the cake popped, so to speak, half a pint of fae blood. _

_That, that is the only way I know how to explain that we missed that our girl that evening was virgin, spoke Old Norse and in Eric's heart he wanted her to be Nesse. We were charmed with the fae blood and our sanity diluted and then, when she arrived, we were consumed with want. _

_So, yes, we were vibrating that evening but it was not because of the excitement or the fae blood. But it was the answer to her call. _

_Genuine smiles graced our face. It was spectacular! Hollywood was filming the costume ball for the movie, **Goth Touched and Turned**. Tonight was the last time they would be filming in our building and it was a party! It had started when we first entered the building. _

_The cast and crew were there doing a last minute script change and walk through. Congratulations were called and boobs were flashed. That made Eric smile and when that smile hit his lips, it made me want to crawl out and take a peek at what was going on._

_Then, we were being rubbed up against and Glugg patted and women wanting a little kiss as the camera crews came alive when folk started walking through the door. More than once I was rubbed against and heard a gasp of pleasure. My ego is raging as well. _

_My boy and I, that night, we learned our lesson. We both do not party at the same time._

_As the rooms filled up, we wandered here and there and stopped to chat and socialize. Eric had already "taken his pick" a couple of times, tonight. A bite, a nibble, a full on sucking. Who was interesting in playing later, who would not mind playing right now as she rubbed her hand against me. _

_The answer to that was easy for me. I could play right now! _

_Lots of crotches had been pushed up against him as he stopped to flirt with the Hollywood crowd. A tongue, a brush against a breast, a taste of blood, a little glamour, it all went along with the evening. We were, that evening, unstoppable, invincible, fucking immortal! _

_Yes, I know, in reality, it was a long evening of irrational thoughts and not thoughts. All things in retrospect. _

_We partied on as the crowd increased. My boy and Brother Samuel, they have a thing for twins. Myself as well. I just might drive that desire in Eric. And that night was no exception._

_"Any sign of the red headed twins?" Eric asked into his head set. A vamp camera man by the name of Timothy had spotted them and gave Eric the heads up._

**"One is sitting at the table being chatted up by some breather. The other one has been out on the dance floor for the past hour. She can shake it. Has had some dance classes. Not classically trained but most definitely, dance."**

_Eric's eyes settled out on the dance floor. Yes, there she was. Dancing all by herself. Oh baby oh baby! Dance? Well yes, I would say so. And in my heart I knew she was dancing just for us! _

_Eric nodded his head at Moe and the band went into **Penny Lover.** She had the moves…all the right ones. She flowed from the rock beat into a rhythm that said she was waiting for us to take her as our own._

_I was ready and signaling Eric. Do not fuck this up! Get the facts then get us on the dance floor._

**"Timothy, has she been out there all night by herself? No partner?"**

_Partner, pbbblllttt! Are you kidding me? Any male who looks at her is dead. I am going to gut them myself. I have been practicing with a sword._

"**No sir, no partner. When the music started for dancing, she was out there. A couple of guys have just hopped in there with her but none can keep up. When they would leave she would just keep right on moving."**

**"So, not here with a date, other than her sister?"**

_Well of course not, she has read the ring around the moon as well. That ring stands for the Big O. She knows she is here for the big stud that will cause her to scream when we give her the Big O.._

**"That appears to be correct, sir," Timothy turned towards The Viking and smiled a toothy grin. "I think she is waiting on some one who can keep up and teach her a couple of moves she does not know."**

_Well yes, moves she does not know? I am not for real sure just what those moves might be but I am going to watch! Happy New Year! She has plenty of them, herself. Oh! My! That shimmy she just did, she continues to please us with new moves!_

_Eric laughed and then pulled the ear piece out and got rid of the battery pack. Here we go. My guy is on the move! Placing them on the bar he was walking out to the dance floor and smiling and nodding his head as he passed people he knew. _

_Just keep walking, Eric. Those breathers have nothing that we want. What we want is on the dance floor, waiting for some one to teach her moves she does not know! Happy New Year! We shall discover together what these moves are. I am glad the music is loud, L&R are whistling and cheering! Loudly! If they scare her, we shall have words and I will be looking around for two new boon companions._

_Mmm. It was easy to spot her with that mask that glowed and pulsed to the beat with each move of her head. She was just impossible to miss. Eric bit his own tongue and drew blood just so he would have something to suck on. I was now officially off the charts! Every time he did that, I went crazy! I saw a sign once that said, "I don't know karate but I know crazy and will show you." That was me, that is where I was. CRAZY! _

_Her mask was alluring, just like her. Attached was a veil, it covered her mouth, as well, which we knew would taste sweet and beguiling. I had to take a peek! What I was getting from the big head said so._

_I gasped when I beheld her! What a vision! We could see her black corset wove through with tiny red roses through the sheer black silk blouse that was fitted with cuffs and lace that she wore over it. There was a high neckline that completely covered her throat. Oh, so she was a tease! By now I am panting! I must get a grip. If I blew this, I feared it might be my last. From time to time, Eric spoke of replacing me with…well… never mind. _

_The skirt she was wearing was black and had cascades that came from the front and was off set with a lovely bustle in the back. Damn, a bustle! We loved that look. We loved undressing women who wore that look. I still know how to get past a bustle for a feel! _

_Time for a bit of a history lesson. I knew how to push past this bit of Paris nonsense and into what we knew must be the sweetest crack in the finest piece of ass you would want to kiss out there on the dance floor. I could tell by the sound that the bustle was cloth and had three layers that had a padded roll on each end. _

_The first roll hit just inches below her waist, the bottom roll hit at the top of her sacral dimples. Ohhhhh la la! Just a slight upward push onto the bustle at the right spot would get you past a roll and to the material that it was attached to that lay next to her skin so that I could get a feel! Her ass had to be treasure! To hide her cheeks the way she had, I knew she was protecting them. Her cheeks had to be round and soft and perfect._

**"Time," Eric smiled, "to dance."**

_Music to my ears._

_The band had just started playing a **Long Cool Woman** when Eric was gauging the best time to step up behind this delightful creature and join his step to hers. We have been doing this for a millennia. Some of the best sex we have ever had has been on a dance floor!_

**Sookie was having what she thought was the best time of her life. All the pervert uncles, those guys that thought they could grab her ass in the bar and all those folks who thought she was just crazy old Sookie, well they could just all go and fuck themselves.**

**Damn, she was gorgeous tonight and she was fearless and she was having a very good time. All by herself. Thank you very much. Those losers who came up to her and started dancing with her! Ha! And then when they got tired and asked her to sit down with them! Ha! Worse than Ha! Could not keep up! Wimps! Worse than girls! Worse than girls who had the cramps with their periods worse than girls! "And here I am wearing my great gran's original five inch fuck me shoes and those losers think I need to sit down and keep them company. I think not!"**

**As she let the rhythm shake her body, some one who was very tall stepped up behind her. His left arm went around her waist and pulled her in as his hand now rested passively on her belly button. He had very big hands. His hands were slightly splayed and his little finger was…wow…was right there sorta where her legs joined her body. His other hand held hers out in a waltz position as he now dipped her to the right and then back up. Damn, he was not the least bit embarrassed about pushing that…that…thhhhhhhaaaattt! Hol-l-l-l-y shit! "That has got to be a sock!" Was all that Sookie could flash through her mind.**

**Not once did she turn to look at him nor did he try to turn her. When that song ended the band went right into _Mustang Sally._**

**Well, okay Mr. Charming thought he could keep up with her. With her back still to him, she loosened his hold on her and with his hands now gone, she started to shimmy down to the floor. Instead this man of mystery, reengaged with his hands, now both on her tummy. His little fingers, yes definitely more than one, were resting on either side of her…mmmm well yes. His fingers just seemed to be flanking her nether lips. Okay, time to lose this guy and get on with her dancing. **

**When he shimmed right on down with her, Sookie was now sitting in his lap and doing what she thought must be some type of a version of a lap dance**.

_Oh yes, it is a most excellent lap dance! There is a reason we go Commando! Happy New Year! I was hoping she could hear me above the music. I wanted to meet her face to face. Say my how dos and flirt!_

**Bouncing around on that thing in his pants she could tell he approved and that was not a sock!**

**When she started back up, he held her just one second longer and then he brought them up, together. Okay, she had read about this in her romance novels. The guy always leads. In some stories, where the heroine was real strong, she would try and lead but the hero always reminded her in some subtle way that he was the male and she was the female. He was in charge and she was to follow. "Well," Sookie smiled to herself, "we'll see about that."**

**Well, okay, wow! His arms were still around her as he came up off the dance floor with her. He had just pushed onto her ass and that was definitely not a sock in his pants and he had slid somehow, leading with his well defined tip…oh boy!... he slid right on up her butt crack and they were now both back to standing and swaying with the music. How the hell had he gotten past her bustle? Not that she cared as his gracious plenty was now resting tucked into her butt crack.**

**"The Viking is big time into the seduction scene," Larry said to the band. "He said to watch for that. He does not want this one to get away. So we will just keep switching the songs out. Time for something light that would call for some frontal light touching."**

_Then they went into **Moondance**. I love the boys in the band! Taking her hand, Eric twirled her around to the front of him so that he could now see her face. Or at least, what there was to see. _

**They were doing the East Coast Swing. Sookie knew it was called that because she had checked out a video about the different swing dances. Practicing them at home, sometimes Gran would join her. It was time for just a little bit of fun. **

**"Hmm," she laughed to herself, "I want to step out and boogie a bit and then swing," and when she tried that she was once more trying to lead when her partner just smiled at her and pulled her all the way into him and held her there while they did a box step. **

**Keeping her eyes focused on his, that was, she just figured the safest thing to do. Because what she really wanted to do was pull him over to some dark corner and have him drop trou. Was he really that big? When she smiled up at him he let her go and then she was once more being twirled around before he stepped her back into a swing.**

**_Put Your Lights On _growled through the room. His hands were now resting on her lower back. His finger tips just reached the top of her butt through the bustle! Oh damn, this boy had skills! When she looked up into his eyes all she could see was swirling dark blue clouds. Want just seemed to billow out of him. Her body was fluid and moving to music. He was the ocean that she thought she could swim in. Just merge her fluid with his waves of desire pounding into her.**

**He was pushing her out just a little and then pulling her back into him. Each time he did that, there was just a slight shift to his pelvis. He was fucking her with his clothes on! The lust that was on his face said he was liking it very much. And somewhere Sookie registered she was dry humping him right back!**

**"May I buy you a drink?" he asked as the song ended and the band started **_**Can't Take My Eyes Off of You**__._

"**I came here to dance," she smiled at him, "besides I think Captain Kirk is buying our drinks, tonight."**

**"How about if I get you a drink and we perhaps sit and…"**

**Sookie just stepped back and looked at him.**

_Time for a self check! She was in retreat mode. So, what was needed? I was coaching The Viking through this, use a bit of a different approach. Oh, a touch of innocence is in her eyes so we dare not be blatant. This needs to be sweet, soft, gentle seduction. A Southern Belle._

**"…and talk," he said without any "come on" in his voice. "I would like to know your name. What you do when you are not the most ravishing creature here?"**

**Shaking her head at him, she gave him a sweet little smile. "I came here to dance, not talk."**

_Her eyes said she was laughing at him. How is this possible? If my King of the Bull Shitters does not turn on the charm, she just might get away! What? Should I introduce myself? _

"**You sir, are a very handsome man. There are Hollywood starlets, here." She continued with a bit of a smirk on her face. "And very beautiful women who seem to only have eyes for you. Something about their eyes say that you probably know their panty size and maybe not their name. In fact," Sookie made a very astute observation, "there seem to be more women here then men. All beautiful. How many have you said that very thing to, well," the grin spread across her face, "I'll just settle for tonight?"**

**Laughing, she knew she was right. No come back from the man, who she would bet, always had a come back. Especially one for the ladies.**

**Yes, he was handsome and charming and she was not looking to be just another notch on some guys bed post. Sookie was ready to end this and move on. "Here is what I am going to do for you," oh yippee, she was taking her happy ass back out to the dance floor! "I think I have heard just about all the come on lines. What can you do to prove to me that you think I am ravishing? You give me something original and then we'll talk."**

_I am laughing now. Well, that is the easiest thing I have ever heard of. For a moment I was afraid she wanted the **Mona Lisa**. That was in a vault in London. That would take a couple of hours. But if that was what she wanted, I'd make the phone call!_

_But my boy had this and did he ever!_

_Grinning, Eric leaned back his head and howled. When he did a whole chorus of howls went off in the room._

"**Well damn!" Her eyes were round and very pleased.**

**"Yes, as I was saying, ravishing," and Eric lifted her hand for a kiss. "And most importantly, will you allow me to adjust your corset?"**

**"I loved the howl," she said grinning. "I do not think I have ever caused any guy to howl."**

**Eric shook his head. "There is much wrong with that," his eyes, sincere. "You drive me to howling madness with your beauty."**

**"You certainly do sound like Mr. Innocence," Sookie laughed. "and the howl has to be the most original pick up line yet. I am just a bit thirsty. To answer your question I work and I read and what is wrong with my corset?"**

**Motioning for a waiter he asked her, "What would you like?"**

**When she answered "A gin and tonic," he was just a bit surprised but very pleased.**

**"The Library, please Keith," he said to the waiter, "I want the pleasure of mixing her drink."**

_When we are in **the zone,** nothing else matters. Mine, mine, mine! Danced through us. Eric put his arm around her waist and holding her other hand, he would occasionally place a kiss on it. He walked her through the crowd like she was a princess! Fuck! She was our princess! Time to haul out the crown jewels along with Mona. He noticed every detail about her. His eyes were only for her. His kisses were only for her. _

_The bevy of beauties that called to Eric did not hold his interest at all. What we wanted was right there, smiling at him as he walked us out of the foray and into the ever increasing quiet._

**Then, Sookie noted, they were in a room where no one was sitting. Ought oh!**

_Our boy Keith is something of a womanizer, himself, or so we have been lead to believe. The boy has skill! Things appeared as if by magic and was placed on an old, heavy, marble topped buffet. Keith placed a large crystal decanter and a crystal pitcher, an ice bucket and extra glasses on the bar. Then, and he was given a very big tip, later, he pulled the large, burgundy velvet curtain and then stepped out. Eric heard the pocket doors close and then the other set of curtains. It might be time to buy our young man a new car._

**Laughing, she looked around the candle lit room and then back at him. "A chaise lounge, a lovely love seat, an even lovelier couch. What no bed?"**

_A bed? Did I hear that right! Does she want a bed? Eric, if you can throw your cloak over a puddle for Queen Elizabeth, then you can take off your clothes and arrange them on whatever she wants so this lovely has a bed! _

**"Do you desire a bed?" he laughed right back, and then he was standing in front of her, "because if you do…" and his finger traced her jaw line as his hand slipped behind her head and with out any protest from her removed her mask and placed it on the coffee table.**

**Sookie was laughing so hard that she had to step back from him. "Have you ever seen the movie, _Funny Girl_?"**

_**Funny Girl?** Is she kidding? She desires a bed and we do not have one. I find this to be no laughing matter. This is the grossest of faux pas! It is time to call Miss Juliet and have her ship a bed, right now, by AR!_

**"No," Eric replied, still smiling.**

**"A rich, very debonair, worldly man takes a young, unsophisticated, sweet thing out to dinner. When they enter this area," and her smile got bigger as she waved her arms around the room, "the waiter pulls a curtain and she says something to the effect to her date that she has never had dinner in a restaurant where there was also a bed."**

_This, this is genius! From now on, when we take our lady out to eat, it will be to a restaurant that has a bed in it! It is time to put a bed in The Library! _

_Smiling prettily, she sat down on the love seat and patted the cushion next to her. Ohhh, so maybe the love seat will do…she does not know we are vampire and we can make our body the bed. Floating on the water, floating on the air...her floating on the last wave of the Big O! _

_Eric walked over and to the bar. My boy looked fab-u-lous doing so. His back side, I have been told, is a very nice view._

_The bar area is nicely done. Oh, yes, it took someone who knew women to know what to do at exactly the right moment. When Keith had seen the room he had smiled at Eric, left the alcohol, and was grinning as he pulled closed the pocket doors. Yes, a new car and college tuition paid._

_This was going to be one hundred per cent seduction. My boy had taught Casanova all the rights moves. Contrary to popular belief, Eric did the edit through and the drawings for the **Kuma Sutra** with Raja Ganesha back in the early 1400's. He gave Eric a diamond the size of you fist for helping him put the book together. Five of his wives said their Raj was a super hero. That swing was genius! Our idea, of course. Just say'n._

_There would be no glamouring here tonight. L&R and I forbid it! He would not have one eye lash out of place. The rest of her clothes were going to come off with style and grace, just as had the mask. Eric was going to take his time and all of us were going to enjoy this._

_Seduction was something we loved. We wrote several books. She was going to want him right away. He was going to draw it out so that she would just be a wet, wanting, woman. We did not bed drunks and she had so far consumed two drinks. She did not appear drunk and we did not want her, so. Picking up a fresh glass, he carefully poured just a taste of gin into the glass and added the tonic and ice._

**"You drink gin and tonic," he smiled at her as returned to her and handed her the drink and then sat down. "The American equivalent to Absinthe."**

**"La fée verte"(_green fairy_) Sookie said in French.**

**"Oh, oui," Eric replied, raising her hand once more to his lips.**

**"I some how fail to see the connection." Taking a sip, she decided every day of her life should be like this. Mr. Charming taking care of her, bringing her drinks and speaking French to her.**

**"Oh," and Eric drew back. "Both are made," he made a very thoughtful face, "from herbs and berries and leaves, flowers, seeds. Both are spirits and both are high in alcohol content."**

**"The juniper berries in the gin make it taste like a Christmas tree," she added just to show she had made the connection.**

**"Yes," Eric smiled, so, she liked Christmas. You could tell by the way her eyes lit up. "Julgran in Swedish, tannenbaum in German, choinka in Polish, crann Nollag in Irish…"**

**Licking her lips her eyes took a really good look at him. Breathtakingly handsome and here he sat with her. Well, why not. She was worthy of someone like this. Just as good as those other women out there and he had picked her. She was more than worthy.**

**"Not only can he dance," Sookie leaned back into the comfy cushion of the seat and snuggled in as much as she could. "But he also speaks several," and he loved the way she caressed that word with her lips, "languages and you are also a man that knows his way around a bar," Sookie arched an eyebrow at him. "However, one major difference is that Absinthe is illegal in the States."**

**"So," Eric leaned in, "you have never tasted it?"**

**Caution was now the watch word! He would proceed oh so carefully with the alcohol for her from her on out. Mixing her drinks with just a taste of the gin and the rest, the tonic. Most delightful!**

**Her movement did not escape his ears. Just a slight rustling sound of material that was warmed by her lovely posterior. By the stars above, he did so love bustles! Oh yes, just the right amount of space so he could slid his arm in between her and the seat. "I think," his arm was now around her waist, "just to round out your education in spirits, perhaps you should. I think we should go some where that they sell Absinthe and I can order you a drink and watch you as you swirl it around in your mouth with your tongue. Would you prefer Paris or Amsterdam or perhaps even Rome?"**

**He was so serious. He must think she was really not that bright. To travel to those places you had to have a pass port. He had no idea if she had a pass port. So, it was just all bullshit. Same bullshit she heard at the bar only he was talking foreign countries and the red necks just talked about doing her in the bed of their truck. **

**"I think I prefer Norway. I long to see the fjords. But, I do not have a pass port so," she said rising, "I think it is time for me to rejoin the party."**

**"I have said something to offend you," Eric said rising with her. **

_WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF! I am broadcasting to my boy as loud and as fast as I can. Bleeding fucking bleeding! What just happened?_

**"I do so apologize. That was not my intention. No pass port? Then I will have a bottle flown into Mexico and we can drink it there while strolling through the ocean at midnight."**

**"Why would you do that?" she asked as he guided her back into the love seat.**

**Sitting next to her he said into her ear, "So that I could order you one and see if it matches the color of your eyes."**

**"So," Sookie was thinking about that as he seemed to move in slow motion into her. **

**What? Her eyes were blue. Was he color blind? His face was now even with hers, "you think that Absinthe comes in…." and then her voice trailed off. **

**"What are you doing?" and her voice did not sound very pleasant.**

**Gently he had pushed on her shoulders and she was now sitting with her back to him.**

**"I am going to fix your corset."**

**"What?" and she tried to reach behind her and move his hands.**

**"Please, you have not been breathing properly all night." She stopped trying to hit him. "Yes, now that you think about it, you know I am correct. If you would just allow me to adjust it for you, I could show you exactly what I mean. You would be more comfortable, breath easier. And beside, your bosom would no longer be," hesitating he asked her, "is squished a word?"**

**"Yes," she finally allowed a slight smile on her face. "And you are right, I do feel a little squished, up front."**

**Turning around, she took his hands and placed them in his lap. "Before there is any adjusting going on, I need to know your name."**

**"You must pardon me," he said standing and sweeping her a great bow, "My name is Eric Northman. My manners are normally impeccable but such a vision of beauty has left my brain addled."**

**"Yes," she smiled. "Eric. I head some people call you that while you were MCing tonight. This is your bar?"**

**He nodded yes.**

**"Are you in the movie?"**

**"No," he smiled. "I am not."**

**"But you are European? Right? Sometimes I hear just a bit of an accent. You have done films in Europe?"**

**Eric handed her the drink and sat down beside her. It was with great pleasure and a hard on that he watched her as she as she took some in her mouth, let it rest there for a few seconds and then swallow. He could tell that she was savoring the taste. All he could think was that she must give great head and that he was going to have first hand experience. Then he heard **_**what she had actually said.**_

**"**_What the fuck!" he thought and that screamed through me as well. She heard the accent?_

_Underlined! That should have been a very big warning…!_

**"Yes, Swedish, actually. And no to the films. Not an actor on the stage or screen."**

**"But there is an Oscar that sits behind the bar. I asked and a barkeep said it was yours."**

**He smiled as she finished off the drink. Complete with an ice cube or two. Damn, maybe she could take all of him in her mouth. His girth was considerable. A lot of human women gagged before he even had more than just the head being sucked on. "Ohhh, ohhh," he smiled, "for technical assistance. You must know…" and he smiled at her, his eyebrow now raised.**

**"Summer Tiffins," she smiled right back. Wow, where had that come from? That was her great-grand's name.**

**"You must know, Sommardag…"**

**Damn! She loved the way he said that! She loved the way his blue eyes sparkled and said that he wanted her. Just her. **

**"Is that my name in Swedish?" Sookie's hand started reaching for his mouth. "That was so lovely," her body was racked with want, "would you please," and then she ran her finger across his slightly parted open mouth, "would you please say it again."**

_Bleeding fucking bleeding! We are now hearing passion in her voice with heat! Damn! Her finger had been in his mouth! That had just slipped out in the Old Norse and she wanted more! She wanted us! Well fuck! Run with that!_

"**Yes." Leaning into her and running his hand down her shoulder, he said it again, lingering there with it on his tongue. "Sommardag, is a summer's day. In my native land, they are beautiful. Made only more so by the harsh winters." Smiling at her he then said, "Sommmmarrrrrsdag…"**

**Sookie just melted. Right there in a puddle. She was glad she was wearing panties. At this point she thought a panty liner was appropriate. **

**Her breasts ached and her heart was pounding and she thought he was the most perfect man she had ever seen. Her hand once more reached for him as she straightened out his braids. His hair was soft to the touch. With all that she was she wanted to sit in the bath and wash it for him.**

_Mmmhmm, this was nice. From the smell and those smiles she was giving to him, in our cold and undead non beating heart she belonged to us. Our lovely Sommar was going to lean back and let us have our way. Tongue got the message. Keep speaking Swedish to her!_

_It was always best to keep the ladies wanting more. And there was plenty of Eric to still be revealed. And she was past starting to want. Everything about her said "just fuck me now." Yes,yes, yes!_

_Because she wanted it, this was going to be very slow. It was time to let her get another look at what she was going to be straddling. Standing, we went over and locked the pocket doors and fixed her another. Just a small very small splash of gin. Tonic. Two ice cubes. Bringing it back to her he watched as she just sort of poured that one into her mouth and seemed to swallow the whole thing at the same time. Oh fuck yes! _

_"_**In LA at Academy time, they hand those Oscars out right and left at little ceremonies honoring all those good folk who work behind the scenes so that the movie can actually get made.**

**Now," he sat down next to her and turned her a bit, "about that corset, Sommar."**

**"Please," she whispered.**

**"Sommardag," he said as he nuzzled her ear.**

**Her breath caught in her throat.**

**"I am going to just lift your blouse from the back, so and see, the corset back is right there. Now, if you would just hold this here in place, for me."**

_My boy has got a thousand years of skills! Reaching around in front of her, he placed both of his hands on hers and they slowly traversed the front of her body. They did not linger on her breasts, but she had leaned back into him whenever they cupped them for only a second and then slip on up. Both of her hands were now resting on her shoulders._

_Slowly, he pushed the blouse, up, placing kisses as he went. When he reached her now exposed shoulders, he put kisses from the center of her right shoulder blade to the center of the left one. Then, he picked up one hand and had her hold the material in place and then the other. When he placed his face on her bare shoulder, there was a slight gasp, but she did not say no. So he placed a kiss, this time with just a bit of tongue. Who needed glamour when you had The Viking charm!_

"**Next," he let the word touch her skin before he sat back up, "I am going to just loosen the strings just a bit both top and bottom and start over, again. You should do this standing. With your blouse, off."**

_Everything about her said no. No to the standing, no to the loosening and the blouse was not coming off…hmmm, best not to push this. We had not come this far to fail. She was very wet, but not lost to the passion wet. My boy was The Viking and that was coming. The corset was coming off! Slow and steady!_

**"Well then, I will just adjust the lacing. If you notice, there are x's that run along the back. These," and she jumped when his hands touched her skin, "should be pulled. Only the x's. You can do this by yourself if you practice, by looking in a mirror." He nuzzled her shoulder one more time. "But since I am so well versed in this, perhaps you should just have me fasten it for you whenever the need arises."**

_She was laughing. We could feel her laughing. Nothing vocal, but there was no doubt, she was shaking with laughter. This was good. We like laughter! Especially the kind that gets you into their corset!_

**"So," the merriment was in her voice, "if I need my corset tightened, I am just to call? You? Is that right?"**

_She thought the idea was charming and that Eric was teasing her. She did not yet understand that he was not kidding. This was his plan and he was going to work his plan. Be there to help with her corset! The perfect way to greet the new dark!_

_And teasing…well…we were going to redefine that for her._

**Placing his head on her shoulder, he sniffed around her ear. "Well, yes, now is that not pleasant? Your corset shall fit properly and I shall keep in practice with yet another skill."**

**"How do you know my corset is not fitted right. I mean, beside the breathing," she turned to face him, "you said I was squished."**

_The desire to know was in her voice. The desire to tell her was in his pants. All hail King Eric!_

**Eric just shrugged. "Because, Miss Sommar," her eyes had gone liquid, so just to make her that much sweeter he sighed softly, "Sommardag," his hands continued with his ministrations, "your breasts have an odd shape to them. The corset is to support, not push into an unnatural position. The nipple is to be centered. Everything about the breast is to be seen. The areole is to lie perfectly round with its welcoming rise to the center. There should be a slight mound where the nipple reaches upward. Yours does not do this. That is how I know yours is squished. Now, they are perfect. I know this and I have not even looked at them. Oh, you should see your back. The laces are secured and in a very attractive bow." Smiling he sat back as he pulled down her blouse back into place.**

**"Now, your breasts," and he slipped his arms around her, his hands now cupping her to make his point, "are much fuller, rounder. Even through your very sheer and oh so lovely blouse and this lovely corset that I will fasten for you from now on, I can feel this."**

**Sookie thought she was going to have an orgasm. Right here, right now. While in her bed at night she had touched herself on that little nub and gotten release. But what was surging through her now was nothing like that. A stranger was feeling her up in a very good and a very useful way, she had to remind herself. She and Tara did not know the proper way to fasten a corset and they had been too embarrassed to ask Gran. Well by golly, now she knew! Wow! And did she ever! She officially now had first hands experience cause they were still on her bosom and on my gawd, her girls filled his hands perfectly.**

**That revelation came as a great relief. She was not too big. Sometimes she would hear guys thinking that her boobs were too big. That anything that could not fit in their hand or their mouth was just wasted. **

**Tears from nowhere appeared in her eyes. Hell, her boobs were not too big. Their hands were just too small. Nothing was wasted! She was willing to bet she was just right for this tall blond that knew more about her undergarments than she did. **

**For a moment she wondered if it was because he was Swedish. Damn! She would pay him to keep saying her name. Damn! Her mind was in a spin. All she could think about was him and his hands on her body. She did not want to, but she knew she was going to just push forward, just a bit. Then she was going to look down and see his perfect hands on her. There was, she thought, a lot to be said about having a bed in a restaurant.**

**When she looked down to see his hands cupping her breasts, that was all the permission Eric needed. His thumbs lightly began rubbing her erect and he knew aching nipples. "I know your breasts are hurting," he whispered in her ear. "I can tell by the way you have jutted them out in front of you." Gasping and a small moan came from her. He lifted them a little higher. "The cure for that is for my mouth to be there and to suckle you." Her moans started in earnest. "My mouth on them would stop the tingling, small hurt that you are now feeling." **

_Yes! Yes! Yes! Let us do that. _

_She would love watching him do that! I would love watching him do that! Mmm, she was making little moaning sounds. It sounded a lot like "please, please, please." When he cupped them again, and lightly squeezed her nipples between his thumbs and fingers, well, mmmmm, she was on her way and then she did cum and so did I!_

_My boy is just the best. He pulled her into his lap as it gripped her. Once he had her in position, he then positioned us, our hardness pressing through the material of her skirt. Pulling the bustle up and onto him was just perfect. He was going to howl. Tip was pushing against his pants and he was there pushing himself down her crack and to the warm, sweet spot between her legs as Eric put his hand back on her breast and just let her cycle through this moment that was just for her._

**Coming back from madness, once more, she could feel his face resting on her shoulder. "I came also," he whispered to her as he continued to rub his face, there.**

**Eric listened as she fought to bring her breathing under control.**

**"And how do you know this? About the corset," her voice was trembling, "the breast, the orgasm."**

**"As your lover," her body was now shaking with want, when she turned to face him, "it is my job to know this."**

**Picking her up, he walked over to the chaise. Laying her on it, he removed her shoes and then his left hand went up her left leg to her garter. Smiling at her, and using his left hand, he un did one of the metal loops and then the other. Then his right hand slowly moved up her right leg and did the same thing. Then he rolled them down with lots of kisses on her feet, his fingers feeling the warmness of the inside of her legs. Slowly, he removed them, giving her time to adjust. She was full of wanting him and still some hesitation. There would be no hesitation in her when he took her. She would be one hundred percent willing or not at all.**

**"What beautiful feet you have, my dear" his eyes never leaving hers as he began to massage them.**

_His thumbs worked the calluses that were on the bottom of her feet. Yes, a dancer. When he had rolled down her stockings there was no mistaking the muscle definition in her legs. They were powerful and they would wrap around us, nicely. Grip his back and pull us to her._

**Some where, Sookie was having problems focusing, was a need to have him on top of her. Covering her with his body while he did whatever he wanted to just as long as he made her cum, again. He was all that she needed. Right now he was kneeling at the bottom of the chaise and rubbing her foot and he was pushing that thing that was in his pants against her other foot. She wanted this she wanted this she wanted this…he was so quiet, not a broadcaster, at all. His magic fingers were working that sprang in her ankle that she had back in August. It was magic. The little throb that she would get from standing for too long, he had pushed on something and now it was gone.**

**When he put her toes in his mouth and started sucking, the scream was just going to leave her mouth when he was on top of her, his tongue in her mouth. And now her tongue was vibrating in his mouth with the passion that was flooding out of her. Please oh please oh please, she wanted his mouth on other parts of her.**

**"Please, tell me about the Sommardag in Sweden."**

**With careful hands, he shifted them so he could see her face. Placing her on her back, he was on one elbow watching her face. "The sky is so blue and it stays light all night. Dancing across the darkness, sometimes is the bridge to Valhalla. The greens of the lights ripple through your soul."**

**"Please," there was something inside of Sookie clamoring to get out. "tell me in Swedish. Please…can we see the ocean…?" and it was the merest whisper.**

**Eric slipped into the Old Norse. She would not know the difference and he wanted to tell her about his home land in his tongue. "The ocean in the summer is a cold water blue. When the waves come crashing in and hit the beach, the spray becomes a wall, sometimes and there is nothing but color that is suspended in the air, like a shimmering veil before it gives way to the sand. In the winter, the water is so cold that when the dark waves hit, there is ice and if there is sun, it is like a huge diamond sparkling with fire spitting everywhere."**

**Tears were coming from her eyes. "So beautiful," she was whispering and then she pulled him down for a kiss.**

**Her tongue was soft and it moved slowly through his mouth. His control was going to slip. If his fangs dropped, he would have to use glamour but only enough for her to forget that he was vampire.**

**"I hurt," she whimpered to him as her hands moved from his head to her breast.**

**"Yes, shhh, Sommar, yes, I know you do. Shhh."**

**He had her lying on top of him with her mouth on his while his hands were once more under the blouse and the corset was untied and the top x had been loosened.**

**"Eric…." she moaned.**

**There was a desire inside of him that could not be denied. Breaking off the kiss he said as he watched the insanity in her eyes. "In my family I am Erikr."**

**"Erikr," she moaned, "Erikr, please..."**

**"Yes, that is right moan my name. It drives me to madness."**

**His hands once more pushed the blouse up past her breasts. "We should be nude, Sommar, I do not wish to take you as one would before a battle, we should take our ease."**

**"Please, Erikr, please…"**

**Freeing her breast, his mouth was on her nipple. Her hands were in his hair undoing his braids, pushing him down while she kept panting "more, more, more."**

**Putting both on their sides, his mouth was now on the neglected breast and his hand was milking the other. His strong, sure fingers always ending by pulling the areola then a slight squeeze on the nipple. Screaming his name, his tongue was once more in her mouth when she came.**

**There was something going on in Sookie's lower body. She was vibrating in her core. It felt like a million bees were flying inside of her, trying to get out of her pelvis. And not the small honey bees, but the great big bumble bees. And those bees were pushing her some place she had never been, before.**

_This had become obvious to all of us. We were going to do her right here with clothes shifted around. Eric did a mental inventory. Both sets of drapes were closed and he had locked the doors. He was not going to feed from her, not tonight. That was coming but "just not tonight!" we raged at him._

_Thoughts and visions of home and the Old Norse had triggered thoughts of Nesse. WTF! Bleeding fucking bleeding! We were going to loose ourself in this woman and she was going to be Nesse!_

_He never allowed himself to fantasize about Nesse when he was with another. She was his and he never shared her. But speaking the Old Norse to Sommar, she repeated words back to us and it drove our want for…for…home…_

_That should have set off a very big warning bell…but neither the big head or the little head was engaged in rational thought._

**"Please, oh please Erikr," and she moaned his name with need.**

**He was off of her and he was kissing his way up her leg then kisses on her panties. He shoved the lace aside and then there were kisses on her mound and then opening her, his tongue found her nub and then his teeth as they lightly chewed there and then his lips as he suckled there.**

**There was only wordless guttural sounds coming from her and his fingers replaced his tongue and then his tongue was in her.**

**Every nerve ending in her body was aroused and she could feel her body wanting something so desperately that she was making and then emptying into her self vast amounts of fluids so that she would be slick and her lover would find her warm and welcoming. Proof that she wanted him. That she was ready for him. She was aroused to such a fervor that she was consumed with want.**

**When she heard the contended sounds he was making from tonguing her, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she came, again. He was holding her and covering her face with kisses when she opened her eyes and whimpered, "I ache inside."**

_The time had come! It would take forever to get her out of those clothes and the sounds she was making said she was not waiting forever. Placing his thumb on her nub he pushed two fingers into her and stretched her just a bit. _

_"I am bigger than most," he was panting with want, something he had not done since being vampire._

_That is no exaggeration! _

**"Please," her hands were on his face, "please."**

**Before he could say anything else, she was up and straddling his body. Eric shifted his legs and sat up, unzipping his pants. Her skirt was pulled up around her waist and she sat down, Eric putting his hands on her ass and pulling her up to him. Reaching between them, he pulled her panties to one side and holding below the head, began rubbing it in her folds.**

**"Yes," she was painting, "yes." Pulling up her blouse, she positioned both nipples in front of his mouth. When he latched on, she was bouncing up and down with the rhythm of his sucking.**

**Pulling his head out of her opening, he whispered to her, "Sommar, do you want this?"**

**"Yes, yes, yes," she kept repeating.**

**"Put your arms around my neck and look at me," his face was even with hers. "Look at me," and when her eyes found his he removed his hand pushed into her, with drew and pushed in, again. "Look at me, lover," he smiled and then he pushed in further. Oh what a sweet ache. She had not flinched while he continued to stretch her. "You are ready," he smiled and then pulled back his pelvis and pushed enough to fill her and then he broke her and then he was buried completely in her. What the fuck!**

_Slowly at first, she was bouncing just a bit, her face hungry for whatever else he had for her. What the fuck! Virgin! What the fuck!_

_And that, my friends, should have been a warning so loud that it would have drowned out the explosion of the big bang of creation! Fuck that notion that you think there is no sound in space. Angels decide to blow something up, you are going to hear it. _

"**Please," she was pleading, "please, there is something that I want but I do not know what it is…please…."**

_His eyes never left hers. With each push of her body her confidence, grew. Now she was eye fucking us. Eric was going to howl. Picking up the pace, he had both hands on her ass, kneading her there, his fingers roaming where ever they wanted as he pulled her into him. Her legs wrapped around him._

"**Lover," he smiled at her and kissed her, "lover, put your fingers on your nub. It will be exquisite."**

**Sookie reached down and when she did, she became one with the universe. Everything inside of her exploded and then there was nothing but pleasure that rippled out from her and into the bridge that took the warriors to Valhalla. All she could say was "Erikr," through clenched teeth.**

**Eric thrust faster and then finished. His arms went around her as he cradled her next to his body.**

"**Mmmm, lover…" he pulled her up for a kiss. "You have made me very happy…" Just then, a bell jingled in the wall closest to the curtains.**

_Anger shook us to the core! That had to be Samuel. No one else would dare. That could only mean that some stupid cock sucking vampire had come to our club to destroy us. Someone was going to die. Eric hoped he could torture them first._

**Shaking his head he bent and gave her another kiss. "I have to go and take care of something. This is a matter of life or death because believe me when I tell you we would not have been disturbed. Otherwise, I would not leave here without you. **

**It will not take very long, no more than an hour and I am hoping for less then I will be back. But if it does," he ran his finger along the top of her well defined and now properly displayed, bare bosom. "I will send word to you and I shall have you taken home in a limo. The driver will tell me where you live. **

**You are not to worry about me leaving you after just loving you. This evening belongs to us." Leaning into her, he pulled her bottom lip into his mouth as he had just one more tiny thrust so he could watch her pupils dilate. **

_Oh yes, our summer's day tasted like lavender. In the south of France there were fields of it and at night it would give off its pungent smell on the wafts of the warm, summer night wind. Sunshine and lavender not only in her mouth, but this exquisite taste was to be found on her other places as well._

_Reluctantly, he got up and fastened his pants and adjusted her panties back into place and then placed a kiss there. I was still hard and I was raging! Let Brother Samuel kill that cocksucker! This is Virgin's blood! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine…! _

**"Just a taste," he whispered as he kissed her one more time, his tongue softly probing her tongue, "of more delight yet to come."**

**Sookie was not for real sure what that meant. He was kissing her, was that the taste? The heroines in the books sometimes let the hero taste other things. Oh boy, she had wanted him to taste other things and he had. He wanted another taste, well he was not leaving here without one. He did not seem to mind the blood. She withdrew her arm from around his neck and when he broke off the kiss to protest, she slipped her hand between her blouse and skirt and reaching down into her panties picked up the wetness that was there and then pulling out her hand she offered him her two bloody fingers.**

_We both felt his fangs, drop! It felt like two tons of enamel fell from the maxilla! No control here, oh fuck, no control what so ever! Pulling her hand up to his, he turned it over and kissed the palm of her hand, his tongue slowly tracking up to what had to be the sweetest two fingers in the universe. His eyes blazing, he suckled her offering off her fingers. Pulling her up and lifting her onto me, he ground me into her as she spread her legs a bit to be able better to feel him._

**The bell rang, again. As soon as he was done downstairs, he was ripping that fucker from the wall. "Thank you for that taste, I am so hard I could cut diamonds," he smiled at her. Raising her hand for a kiss, then one gently on the lips, he started toward the curtain. **

**"Yes," he rolled that taste around on his tongue, "like lavender. Her womanly wetness is heavy with it. She is even more so, very wet. Very excited. I want to lick her virgin blood from her legs!" **

_Yes, now we are talking. Let Samuel deal with it. We have plenty here to keep us busy. Just go to the door and tell Brother Samuel to just fucking handle it! _

**Now he was very excited. He would have some lavender planted in his yard. Every time he would walk past it he would be reminded of her. **

_Eyeing Samuel, I knew this would have to wait. He had mouthed "The Dowager Duchess." _

_Pbbbbllllttttt! She was a very old, very personal acquaintance. She had been in attendance with Catherine off and on for the month that Catherine had us. Sadly, this had now become a matter of honor. Word of this would travel fast. We had to act faster. There were some very old stupid fuckers waiting for us below Pam's office._

_Yes, it was time to do some killing._

**.**

_I like stories with happy endings. This story is one of the happiest!_

_Whenever Eric put the Cinderella shoes back on Miss Sookie, they sat and talked about that night. Eric had been her first. No doubt about that. Then, wrapping their arms around each other, they both agreed that neither one of them was ready to give to each other what was needed at that time._

_Ella had yet to whack Eric, emotionally, and Sookie would from time to time be overwhelmed with the feeling of abandonment that lived in her subconscious and played havoc with her emotionally. It was going to take Ella to explain that, as well._

_Funny how things all worked out. Sorta like there was a plan…_

_1. Eric was Sookie's first_

_2. Eric was Sookie's first._

_3. Eric was Sookie's first._

_4. Eric and Sookie get married and L&R and I have job security because we are baby central, thirty six and counting._

_5. Oh, and Eric was Sookie's first._

…_The funniest thing about this telling is the fairy blood. Renzo had a great story to tell about it…along with details… as in an enormous, gigantic, massive amount of bleeding fucking bleeding! details! _

_One might even say unnaturally, so. _

_Now, Renzo is all that, but fuck we are only vampire and seriously, he knew the azimuth degrees of the moon that night and miles from Earth and the eight different trees and the state of their foliage. Really? That he and this fairy that were doing the deal were in a clearing that had the chemical compound of iron in the soil which causes all the lightning strikes in this area to focus here. _

_Our boy Renzo had only a vague description of what the fairy wore. Really? Our boy Renzo memorizes what everyone is wearing going back to the time he was old enough to talk and has instant recall of the date and outfit. He knows you were there by what you wore. _

_From the telling, his story sounded like maybe he had been glamoured and then that event had been put in his memory. You know anyone who can do that? One or two come to mind and Samuel had no reason to glamour him and give him the fae blood. Because, Brother Samuel would have just handed over the blood. _

_There is one more that comes to mind... Miss Ella..._

_Just say'n._

_._

My many thinks to Ms. Treewitch703 who knew about the tall telling involving the Raj. Just a small bit of that story.

For your reading pleasure. Ms. Treewitch is writing the tale of Godric and his many tattoos. If you like history and the earthiness that goes with being a tree witch, you should check her out on that treewitch703 dot, word followed by the word, press; with the dot that is followed by the com thing. Parallel Words Parallex Worlds. (All of you know FF scrubs out all links and address, right. It is getting very sophisticated at searching my cryptic stuff out.)

Thanks for reading!

Be blessed and be the blessing!

CES


	6. Chapter 6

The Memoirs of King Eric; Tall Tellings and Truths: "Taking The Viking in Hand." Chapter Six

The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine. No infringement on my part is intended. _The Canon for Miss Harris' stories still stands for books One through Ten._

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated MA. Contains language and adult situations.**

Chapter Six

_In our early years we traveled a lot. I dare say, for our time, we were the most traveled vampires that had up to that point, existed. That could be said for humans, as well. If there was a port of call, chances are that we had been there, more than once. __We would go a pirating and more than once we encountered those that represented the King of Spain. We helped ourselves to whatever was needed at the time_

_Ships coming out of the New World held the yummiest of treasures. Their manifest meant nothing. They often lied to conceal what was actually on board. But there was no lying to us. There was gold to be found and gold to be taken. We even kept the very vulgar silver! And on Spain's ships out of South America were emeralds the size of your fist. They were crudely cut but that was not a problem as both of my boys could fashion a gem stone._

_It was truly something to watch as Brother Samuel and Eric would drain the crew and then move the ship to a deserted strip of beach and then lifting her out of the water they would turn the galleon over like a maid waiting to be made a woman. They rocked her back and forth until her timbers moaned and then their hands went everywhere, touching everything, convincing her that they alone were worthy of her hidden treasure. _

_Just like a woman who enjoys the chase, sometimes there had to be sweet talking until she was ready to lift her skirt and show us her treasures and let us help ourselves. _

_It was most rewarding and very satisfying when hidden things would come rattling out of the hold. At times, she had us moaning as well. Ohhh la la! The Spanish are sooooo passionate! Ole! _

_We also would encounter those ships that represented the rest of the Old World, ahhhh we liked those charming rogues of the continent and isles, also! We helped ourselves to whatever was needed from them at the time, as well. And, truth told, there were some interesting tid-bits._

_Perhaps one of the most interesting tid-bits was a French ship that was returning from India. _

_Let us just say, what is now called The Hope Diamond, we called it The Little Drop in the Bucket, because, well because of its tear drop shape and it looked like a drop of water. It was the smallest blue diamond that came out of that hold. We gave it to Renzo as a smallish thank you. _

_The telling is that Renzo lost it in a wager…pblllllt! Welllll, all right! This is the truth as I know it about the blue diamond that would some day be called The Hope Diamond._

_First off, ev-er-y-bo-dy knows our boy Renzo. He has been designing forever! Everyone in the Supe world wishes they could afford just one of his pieces. When Renzo does his once every hundred years **I'm cleaning out my closets, bins, and they met the true death before they picked it up **come and get it sale, just stand back! When Renzo sponsors these events, more Supes die that dark than any other time. Whoa! You would not believe some of the cat fights, were fights, melee in general fights I have seen. You do not ever want to get between two Supes who have their eye on the same bargain in the fur bin. Just say'n. _

_The fae are no different. They have been known from time to time to bring him a piece of their spider spun material and have him make something. As much as Renzo likes fae blood, our boy is no fool and in these business transactions he prefers to be paid in fairy fabric. He gets two yards for every one yard required for their design. _

_This tall telling begins one lovely evening in Paris. We were all on shore leave and had just gotten paid. Hey, nothing embarrassing about that. After all, we were sailors looking for a good time. And Renzo does so like a good time and that dark, our boy Renzo had the bright and shiny in multiples to ensure that he had a very good time._

_That being said, our boy Renzo does have a sweet tooth and that Parisian dark he wanted a bit of fae. The fae love the bright and shiny just a tad more than they love Renzo and Renzo knew some one who knew some one who had a mushroom circle, etc, ect, some where in the forests of the __Louvre Palace._

_We had all been partying like sailors who had been at sea. There were naked bits to be seen everywhere and the boys were playing Jockey on a Jewel. The lady was laid out on the table and equal distance was measured off on her body. The race was to get your jewel to her belly botton first. Good times to a bunch of sailors!_

_To claim your position, we did rock/paper/scisssors. Renzo always got to start south of the belly button. He__ was the big winner during that game. _So being full of himself, before he left us, he was talking trash and wiggling his eyebrows and had grabbed a bottle of port to take with. Yes, we all knew this was going to be serious. When he caught up with this fae ring, and we never doubted, they were going to play spin the bottle. 

_Between Eric and Samuel, and myself, plans were made and bets were laid. We told Renzo if we had to come and pull him out, we had ourselves a French cabin boy for our next pirating adventure. He said to just pirate on because he would captain that ship and all that was bright and shinny that we found would be his, along with his devoted crew. _

_Cheering him on and yelling at him that we were going to own his ass, he yelled "Ooooooooh la la" as he went out the door. And that was how that expression got started. By a vampire with a bottle of port in his hand standing in the door way of __Mm__e Fessée's __establishment __believing that he was going to get lucky. _

_Awwwww… memories. How they only grow brighter with the remembering. It was a lovely night out on the town. Paris really is all that no matter what time of year or what century._

_We continued to enjoy ourselves and as the dark gave way to the rooster announcing the hour, we promised to return to that bawdy house the following evening. Girding our loins, we made ready to leave. Renzo was to meet us back here and dawn was coming and we had not seen our boy. We were a bit concerned so we got directions to the mushroom ring. After all, we wanted our cabin boy for our next trip to the Orient. _

_They were not hard to locate. From a distance, we heard them singing. Voices like bells and then there was Renzo. His gift is not singing. Just say'n. But he was just as loud and proud as the others and in our hearts we rejoiced at having such a fine cabin boy! We could hear him stumbling just a might bit over the words. That gave us an indication that he was having a very good time._

"_Titty, titty, titty, winks,_

_Here comes Renzo move when he blinks_

_For just a sip and a nipple peek,_

_A pretty jewel is for you to keep."_

_I think that was the first time I ever saw Brother Samuel roll his eyes. I think he has rolled his eyes twice in his entire existence. I was there for both times._

_There was our boy Renzo, standing on a toad stool in the middle of the ring, dressed as the Midsummer Fairy King, higher than Mr. Franklin's kite or Monsieur De Rozier's balloon. Our boy had on: 1) a crown of braided oak leaves. 2) a pair of pointed velvet elf shoes done in two different shades of blue; navy and royal, I think…with bells on them. You could track the bottle spinner at all times. 3) a hard on. 4) a great big smile. _

_The fairies were dressed in their web cloth ensembles and things did appear to wink at us. The little poem made sense to me now as I nodded and winked, back. Plus, it appeared they were all wearing one of his creations. Yes, I could see where Renzo would find this very enticing and why he had hurried off. _

_On the ground, both my boys saw various piles of bright and shiny in front of the nine ladies who were winking at us and asking if we had such pretties and would we like to join the game. _

_We could see The Little Drop in the Bucket was already gracing…hmmm, well yes…Let us just say it was below her belly button and it was also winking at us. Which begged me to wonder, did Renzo get to put it there or had she tripped and fallen on top of it and it just wedged in?_

_I am still trying to get that story to make this telling complete but I fear Renzo does not know the truth of the matter, himself. Pbbblllltttt! A bit of advice if I may when it comes to desiring a drugged state of mind: _In the words of Nancy Reagan**, "Just Say No!" **

_Well, my boy is exceptional and so Eric declined their offer and said many thanks for trying to turn our friend to dust and we grabbed Renzo and hauled ass. That was the last time we saw The Little Drop in the Bucket as it winked at us as the old dark gave way to the new light._

_And it came to pass that our boy Renzo had a taste of fae and from the condition we found him in, he had sampled more than one. This smallish wager had us pulling his butt and other fine parts out of the creeping morning sunlight while he was still playing spin the bottle and trying to win another taste._

_Good times!_

_When Renzo parted with what you now call The Hope Diamond, it actually was at the time, 157 Karats. The Little Drop in the Bucket somehow made its way into Tavernier's hands. Him cutting it down for Louis, says the histories, only added to the mystery of the stone. _

_Honestly, there is no mystery to be discerned about the diamond. It was just not large enough for Samuel or Eric to consider keeping. Renzo gambled it away for a fun night out. He did not consider it large enough to keep, either. Who knows how the fae managed to misplace it? The way they guard their treasure! Now that is a mystery! When last I saw it, I would say it was in a very secure place. _

_Paris was fun, but sadly, not for very long was anywhere secure for us in the Old World. _

_Yes, we traveled to escape from Catherine so we would go a pirating, but we also traveled for Samuel's business ventures, as well. Brother Samuel had many, many, business ventures. All of them successful. None more so than tomb raiding._

_My name is King Eric and I am The Viking's boon companion and this is my story. It will be for the reader to decide which is truth and which is fiction._

**Ms. Stewart's words are in...**

_Mine are in…_

_The following excerpt is taken from:_

**Are We There Yet?**

_Ahhh, Miss Pamela. The Viking's child. It was my idea to make her vampire and so I pushed him into turning her so. At times, Eric growls at me and blames me and there have been times I have been whacked so often and not in pleasure I will add, that I feel like the birdie in badminton. Whack! Whack! Whack! You wanted a child! Whack! Why did you not use your fangs to turn her? Whack! To punish you I have to punish myself! Whack! Not even the rosy palm! Whack! Whack! Whack! _

_Sigh._

_But Miss Pamela, she is something. At the time of this telling she does not have my boy's gifts. And she wants his gifts! Especially the gift of flight. _

_So, she does the next best thing. When Brother Samuel invested in Orville and Wilber, Pamela did like wise and it was not long before she had her pilot's license._

_We were on our way to New York to visit with Brother Samuel. Because Pamela started early with her asking to pilot the plane, Eric started early, also. Whack! Whack! Whack! I did not think I was going to recover from this little venture of the child's wish to fly the plane. _

_Pamela took several different approaches to her desire of wanting to sit in the cockpit with the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator. This was a running one sided dialogue on her part. Eric wanted to get caught up on his reading, the child was trying to wear him down to agreeing with her as a child is want to do. It was a constant bombardment._

"_Clearly," Eric whacked me the entire trip, "this is your fault"._

**"Child," Eric finally looked at her, "if they need your help, they will come and out and ask for it."**

**"I brought my license, just in case something happened to the pilot or the co-. I could fly the plane, Eric, if I need too. I just want all of you to know," she stood, making the announcement, "that if I need too, I am prepared to commander the plane and fly us all to safety. No one is to worry. I have this. Maybe I should just go and tell the pilot that I am prepared just in case…"**

**"Hmm," Eric motioned for her to sit down, "yes just in case he has a glamour attack." Arching his eyebrow at her he went back to his reading.**

_I was grateful that Eyebrow took that hit for me. We are boon companions and Eyebrow said he was more than happy to lock into that arch if it took some of the heat off of me._

_Miss Pamela had done her homework. She knew all the specifics on the how to and wherefore to get us to New York. Not only could she push the buttons on the plane, she knew how to push them on Eric, as well. _

**"Are we there yet?" **

_Eric was keeping track. That was number fifty-six and we had been in the air for two hours. Oh my, even I was getting tired of hearing that come out of her mouth and I am her biggest cheerleader._

"**We should be traveling at 150 miles per hour. We should be well into our journey. I can hear Miss Juliet asking Miss Ruth 'Are we there yet?'"**

_Eric glanced over at the two sleeping women that loved him and were completely devoted to him. My boy felt the same way about them and saw to it personally that Miss Ruth and Miss Juliet got out and saw the world. If Pamela woke them, I could tell it was going to be the end of her good time. No telling what it was going to be the end of for me._

**"My master, perhaps I am needed in the cockpit. Perhaps I should check and see if something has happened to the pilot or his co- or the navigator. I can fly and you can direct us by the stars and the two of us could safely take the plane to New York." Her face looked hopeful.**

**"I believe the plane may be in need of cleaning…" and he let his voice trail off.**

_All Eric had to do to get Pamela's attention was to mention how something was in need of being cleaned. Being a chamber maid was not our girl's idea of a good time._

**"Absolutely, they will come and get me if I am need…" she was smiling and nodding in assurance as she went back to her needlework.**

.

_Helllllllloooooooo New York!_

_We lived in what the child called the boonies of Louisiana. _

_That was normally the lead into her every greeting with us. "Hello my Maker and how is your life here in the boonies of Louisiana?" _

_We were only ten miles outside of New Orleans and still she was not pleased. She lived in New Orleans and still she was not pleased. She loved New York. But because Brother Samuel lived there, she was not allowed, too. He forbid it. Even Brother Samuel has whacked me from time to time because of the child. _

_Sigh._

_But here we were, in New York and there, in Macy's was a whole section of aviation apparel for women. There was luggage and furniture and a carpet with a very small bi-plane motif woven into it. Available were faucets for the bath with handles that resembled propellers. They even had shoes that were worn by female aviators!_

_As we shopped that evening, that was the first time Pamela met Amelia Earhart. Miss Earhart was doing a little shopping as well and the two of them started talking and exchanging notes on what they liked to fly. As female aviators, Ms. Earhart had stressed, Pamela must always be currant. She encouraged Pamela to keep up with the newest and fastest planes. That evening they became boon companions and from that day forward they exchanged letters. The last letter she sent Pamela was from Lae, New Guinea__._

_Miss Earhart was Pamela's mentor and Pamela was her biggest fan and still blames herself for not backing Miss Earhart with enough money for a bigger plane for that ill fated trip. _

_That day was still years off and that evening they were very much alike in their shopping tastes and was helped by a very nice sales lady who had been with both of the ladies all evening . Her name was Selma. After Miss Earhart left, Pamela tipped Selma for being so efficient and helpful. _

_All the vampires there that night could hear Pam admiring Selma's garters in the dressing room. That and the fact Selma was a natural blonde._

"**Pilot," Selma whispered, **

_Oh, by this time there was no doubt what was going on in that dressing room as we all heard Selma say, _

**"this is your navigator, please, pull up on the stick just a little and veer to the right."**

.

_Brother Samuel is a tomb raider of the finest sort and the next evening we went to The Met to admire the Egyptian wing that had been added. _

_It turned out to be a very exciting evening! Once we returned to Samuel's penthouse, there were mysteries to solve and treasure to hunt!_

**"Eric," Samuel addressed him as one would a student, "what is the most important rule about tomb raiding?"**

**"Was the architect Jewish?" Eric was now standing by his brother and helping remove the paper sleeves from the pictures.**

_I was nodding my head in agreement. That is always the first question you ask. Because if the architect was Jewish, we have the key to get in...that would be Brother Samuel._

**"And what do we know about these Jewish architects?"**

**"That as a rule," Eric was grinning, "the tombs they build are not discovered.**

_We have gone tomb raiding with Samuel and this is most true. We are extremely wealthy because of these tombs. I can not stress enough just how wealthy we are. _

**Which brings me back to my original question," Eric was carefully observing the photos. "Why do we have pictures of all the models?"**

**"Because, this small slice of Egyptian Middle Kingdom life is not entirely populated with Egyptians." Samuel began laying out the pictures on the floor, recreating the scenes of the models, exactly.**

**"The funeral ships," Samuel chuckled, "were the first clue. I can not imagine a Jew being on board one of those ships to take a king to his final resting place and yet there he is."**

**Eric started chuckling. "X marks the spot? Or perhaps a Star of David?"**

**And then they both said "There it is," as they stood back and looked at the big picture of all the photos they had placed on the floor.**

_Yes, indeed, from an aerial view, there it was, the Star of David. And it was not anywhere close to where Carter was digging in the Valley of the Kings._

**"When do we leave?" Eric was watching his brother.**

_Which of course opened the floor to discussion by the child._

"**Egypt? My maker, Egypt?" **

_There were lights going off in the child's eyes. Does she not understand that this is tomb raiding?_

**"How big of a treasure? My maker's brother, just how big do you think this treasure is?" **

_Hmmm, we thought maybe she was breathing._

**Her focus kept switching from one on to the other. "Truly, my maker, you are a genius! My maker's brother you are a genius! How was I ever so blessed to be picked by my master and them for him to have a genius for a brother?"**

_We checked around our feet. Pamela was shoveling enough bull shit to blanket the tri state area._

**"And we would split this treasure three ways?" Looking from one to the other, nodding her head to give the other two the clue they were suppose to be nodding their heads, as well.**

**"Pamela," Samuel began, "this is tomb raiding. This is dirty, nasty, hard work. And then you have to melt it down."**

**Eric regarded his child. "I have told you the stories of our early tomb raiding days. There was no glory in that…"**

_Truer words were never spoken. And if there was any magic left over in the mummies, you would have to listen to their foul mouths and sob stories. There was the time that the concubine had been mistakenly placed in the Queen's Sarcophagus and the Queen was in the concubine's little resting place that had been hollowed out of the wall. _

_Woof. _

_I was just trying to be polite. _

_Eric and Samuel accused me of trying to chat them up. _

_What? Me? No, no, no. _

_The concubine kept laughing that there was no mix up and that the Queen's ass was just to fat to fit in the lovely carved and jewel encrusted box._

_The Queen was crying that her ass was not too fat and wanted me to take a look to either confirm or deny._

_I am a gentleman. I did what the lady asked. So, while I am trying to re arrange linen binding strips I got whacked! And called a necrophiliac along with a few other choice names! _

_And I was like what? Me? You are, Mr. Pot, calling Mr. Kettle black, Mr. Dead Dude! _

_It was a very tense several next days. _

_Oh, not for Eric and myself for we are boon companions. But because the Queen really did have a fat ass. Not that we mind, we like that in a woman but we liiiiiiied to herrrrrrr. Ohhhhh momma! Woof and woof, again! To get around us feeling guilty about that, we put her in her rightful resting place and we put the skank of the concubine into the wall niche. We even unwrapped the skank and took all her jewels and put them in with the Queen._

_It was with a glad heart that I was able to right that injustice. And the Queen was very grateful. After all, I am King Eric. To this very day Eric calls me his little necro dancer. Mr. Dead Dude has some nerve. Little? What? Me? Just say'n._

_The child had heard all of the stories and she still was not letting this go. _

**And Pam finished for Eric, "…only gold. A lot of gold. That Samuel keeps in his vault." She was nodding her head, rapidly, this time. "There is much wisdom in that, a genius, my maker's brother. You are a genius. No tribute to be paid. **

**There is no one digging around in your yard from the Queen's Residence looking for buried treasure. That fucking Compton! I am just sorry I did not stake his ass when I saw him out there with a ten foot pry bar punching holes in my yard.**

_Yes, that is a night we will all remember. Pamela snuck up on Compton while he was testing her yard to see what she had buried there and scared him so badly that he lost his sense of direction and she chased him all the way out to the mansion. She could have easily staked him but she was having so much fun being the vampire eating boogey man and making horrible sounds and making him scream like a girl that Eric finally had to come out and tell her to stop. _

_Everything on the place was now awake and Miss Ruth was complaining about how the chickens would not lay and she had to do deviled eggs for the workers picnic. And the cows would not give milk for her baking. She rolled her eyes several times while she said this. That woman can make her eyes roll in opposite directions. I think she has seen such antics before._

**There is just the interest that Samuel pays for allowing him to keep your securities in his vault. This is not only good for the investor but adds value to his portfolio. Just a genius!" She added with gusto.**

_For a moment, we thought Pam was salivating. We had seen her do that once, before. It was when she rose with her first new dark. We took her to Miss Hubble's Monday night all you can eat buffet. _

**"Child, you will not enjoy this. Perhaps you should return to New Orleans with your shopping treasures before we depart. Write Miss Earhart and invite her to New Orleans to look at your planes. The two of you will look very smart flying above New Orleans in your new aviation clothing."**

_We honestly thought she was going to cry. Leaning in to her, my boy held her eyes with his._

**"Go read about Egypt. Then come back and we shall talk."**

_We left out of New York on the cargo boat called **Daddy's Girl.** There was a women's chorale traveling with us. Nice planning, huh! _

_When the ladies departed the boat on British Isle, all had great big smiles on their faces. That was because they had all had a couple of great big….well just great big. Brother Samuel and I are very much alike in the fact that we can not say no to a lady who wants a proper servicing. That is what we do and we do it very well. Not only do we lube but we also will set back the odometer several thousand miles! _

_I heard that several of our lovelies from that trip went on to be spinsters because they could not find a man with a dick that big. They were spoiled, they said, they were not ever going back. Not ever. They would have their memories. There were even one or two who had had Miss Pam's great big twelve inches each side. And they had a cheery smile as well._

_Then we landed in Egypt. The land of pyramids, the tomb of the Vampire Queen and the never ending 'Are we there yet?' _

**"Are we, perhaps, there yet?" Pam asked with concern. "Alexandria is not that far from Cairo. We should be arriving shortly."**

**"Child, we just got on the boat. It is going to take a day and a bit. When we rise tomorrow, we shall go and see the pyramids. This is not to be missed. You will have certain bragging rights."**

_My boy is correct. The pyramids are spectacular. However they did not contain treasure. Samuel had seen to that. I could see how this could be a problem for Pamela._

**"You mean leave the boat?" Her eyes grew round. "Just how much dryer can the air possibly be off the water? I think my lips are beginning to chap, even now. Somewhere there is that bees wax those peasants were hawking as we disembarked." Rummaging around in her bag, she found it. Smoothing it on her lips she sighed, "I think those peasants are geniuses. This stuff really works. The next time I see them selling this, I shall purchase enough for my entire body."**

**"Child, this is not even summer. This is fall and it is lovely."**

**Pamela looked like she just might have something to say about that.**

**"I am going to the main deck," Eric announced. "There are other passengers to socialize, with. I feel the need for something dark and exotic."**

_Oh baby, oh baby. I can always go for something dark and exotic! I have been practicing speaking Egyptian. I look very charming in the Fez but Eric refuses to let me smoke a cigarette. I think it would make me look quite dashing! I will strap a sword to my side and wage war against the infidels! Oh wait, that might be me. _

**Closing her door he added to Samuel, "Because I have had all the blonde Caucasian I can stand."**

_There was pleading in Eric's eyes as he took Samuel's hand. Brother Samuel had Eric's stake. Samuel was keeping __it so Eric could not use it on the child or whack me with it._

**"I said no," was all Samuel chuckled as they made their way up the stairs and into the land of the living.**

.

_Miss Pamela had somehow ordered room service. Mmmhmm, exotic was right. Her skin was a lovely shade of brown and she liked whatever Pam liked to include her twelve inches for each wooden pleasure toy. Despite the language barrier, Miriam's moans sounded just like any other woman's in the full flush of pleasure. We could hear them all the way to the top deck. That just inspired us to hunt. _

_When we stuck our heads below deck later, we looked at Samuel and said. _

**"How is this even fair? She does not even have to leave her room."**

"**I guess the blonde Caucasian thing is working for her," Samuel regarded his brother. "You what? Had two, tonight?"**

**"Well, yes, but I had to go out and prowl the main deck. No room service." Now Eric was pouting.**

**"Hmm, yes, it must be the blond gene," Samuel chuckled. "I see where she gets it from."**

_We growled at him. The child does not have to leave her room and lo and behold, she has gone native. _

_It was, so far, a pleasant evening for we had fed well and fucked well, also! It was just… it is not the same thing._

**"Come on, let us go back up stairs and I am sure number three will fall into your lap. No hunting involved." **

_Brother Samuel was trying to be very encouraging but it was a little hard to believe when he was laughing._

**"Are we there yet?" **_We both asked with each step until we were on the top deck and then Samuel picked us up and tossed us overboard. I guess Samuel was not amused. _

_Ohhh, we caused quite the commotion on deck! There were ladies everywhere! "There are crocs in the water!" "Help him!" "Save him!" _

_When we were pulled out of the water, we were heroes!_

_Those white linen pants my boy was wearing with no under ware, mmmm-hmmmm, we gave everyone quite the show! I was still doing the back stroke and peeking out the top of the pants to see who was concerned for us. As I waved to show that all was well, several waved back. It touched our heart, I could tell, there were several who were, deeply, concerned._

_There were a few others who were emotionally distraught, fearing for our health. They kept wrapping their arms around us and rubbing their bodies on us to provide warmth._

_Samuel helped us across the deck and down the stairs. Glugg was being pinched and patted as we walked the gauntlet of the willing. It was like wearing nothing at all. Gawd, I love wearing white, wet, Egyptian linen!_

_All kinds of ladies in the viewing area made their way down to our room to check and make sure we were all right. Turns out we were just fine…more than just fine…multiple times more than just fine. _

_As a matter of fact, were so fine that a line formed and they were all content to just wait their turn and come in and check on us. It reminded me of that night at the nunnery outside of Westminster. _

_Everyone of them was concerned that we might be running a fever. The only thing for that was vigorous exercise. And they had the most unique way of taking our temperature. Ohhhhhh la la! _

**Kissing Miriam good night, Pam opened her door. Looking out into the hall, she saw the line and the smiles and it looked like some were in line going back for seconds. **

**"Are we fucking there yet? My maker? **

**Well no, Child," and she sounded just like him, "because I have the need to fuck everything between Memphis, Egypt, and Memphis, Tennessee." Closing her door and rolling her eyes, she stopped. **

**Opening the door she took another long, lingering glance, letting the smile filter into her eyes. Then she wet her lips with her tongue. Being a flirt, she was now showing just the tip of her tongue. A small wink. Well okay, a big wink. "Well fuck, no one bit," she sighed as she closed the door and settled in for the night.**

_._

_We never miss an opportunity to fuck with Catherine and we had several opportunities to do so on this trip. It just fell into our laps, literally. It was the very best of times. It was time to wear a disguise._

"**You look and smell old," Pamela said as she stood back and admired the white wash she had put in Eric's hair.**

**"Eric, I think the best place to station you is just up from the boat docks. In that first small bazaar. You must walk past it if you are going to or coming from the boats," Samuel was fussing with the garb Eric had on. "You are the perfect combination of sitting in the sun all day and anise seed."**

_We were waiting for Clifford's approval. He had been out today to take care of business. He had been observing this old woman carefully for the past several days._

"**Except for the blue eyes," Clifford was walking around him, "you look exactly like the woman I purchased that wardrobe from today."**

.

_The time had come. Roll out the plan and let us seriously fuck with Catherine! Eric was dressed as the old woman and placed where all could see him. Catherine did not have one fucking chance. We were going to own her ass._

**The old woman sat in front of a brazier that offered her a little light and no warmth. "Weset! Thebes!" Her voice carried on the night. There was a musical note to it that all story tellers had. It was to attract those whose interest and coin was desired. **

**"Listen to me, 'O Capitol of Upper Egypt and the center of the Egyptian universe through out the Middle and new Kingdoms as our gods walked among us." Then her voice became quiet, wanting to draw in those whose attention she had secured.**

**"This is the home of kings and queens who were worshiped as gods themselves and still, today, walk with us. Showing us our future and our past." Shaking her bowl, you could hear the bones rattle, advertising she was more than just a story teller. She could reveal your past, present and future as well. **

**"They still walk the halls of Karnack and their sphinxes continue to guard our paths and show us the truth of our destinies."**

_My gawd, we are exceptional! I want Eric to tell my fortune! _

_There was a woman who was being escorted by a man back to her boat. The man was Carter and the woman was Catherine._

"**The mighty Sahara keeping those with un belief out and yet out great and mighty Nile allowing those that seek the truth to come hither." The old woman, with great effort, semi-rose from her comfortable position. **

**"Which are you?" Gesturing to the woman, her old voice became a whisper. "Oh great and mighty one, do you seek the truth or are you content with your un belief?"**

_Eric has told me in no uncertain terms that if I shout Happy New Year he is cutting me off, literally. That I had better keep L&R under control as well. I can do this._

"**Dearest Catherine," Carter stepped to the side of her that was closest to the beggar. "The streets are filled with the poor and soothsayers. Who knows what she hides in her robes?"**

"_WTF! I am an honest working women trying to make a living! Do you hear me saying you are a thief? Take your ass back out to the desert! You are years from finding the tomb!"_

**"You can not hide the truth," the old woman shouted back. "For the truth is here in my eyes for her to see. For they are the same color eyes as the one she holds true in her heart."**

**Catherine stopped. Her gloved hand resting lightly on Carter's arm. "What harm can come. I will give her nothing and it will offer me great amusement to hear what she has to say."**

**"Truly," the old woman sat back down and threw herbs into her fire, "you think to find amusement here, then move on, back into the shadow of your un-belief. I thought I had a message for a queen. I have no message for a peasant," she spit out.**

_Oh baby, I loved that part! I would dearly love to spit something at her but Eric has forbidden this. As in cut me off forbidden this, L&R remind me._

**Raising her head toward the woman, she took a sniff. Old, she was old. And oddly, she felt comforted. Letting that wash through her, Catherine took another step forward and sniffed again. Yes, comfort and then her eyes focused on those of the old woman.**

**"Fuck me until daylight," she choked back the words, "her eyes are blue!"**

_First of all, we have done that. Ick! We are not proud of that fact. Once our Sookie knew what all we had endured, we vowed to not ever speak of it again. Once more embraced in the arms of our lover, that bitch was not deserving of one second of thought! _

_Second of all, no one else in her court was ever capable of doing that….and for that point in time, all I can say is good for them. There is much to be said for having a limp dick. Being with her was degrading and perverse._

_Our approach to Catherine was that she was a nasty job that had to be done. We were paid in the coin of that we got to live to plot against her another day. We constantly reminded ourselves that it was not only us that she had her fangs and claws into, but from time to time, our friends as well._

_We could embrace the suck because it gave us hope. _

**Approaching her, the old woman's eyes went to the man. "Dismiss him, I will not harm you. Plenty of unbelievers pass back and forth from the boats. You are safe, here, or as safe as you can possibly be from the rays of the sun."**

**Catherine's eyes went to a squint. **

_Damn, we told her that squint was attractive and made her very powerful looking. Actually, it makes her look like she is a spoiled child having a hissy fit._

**The old woman looked at her and laughed and making a shooing motion with her hands as she said, "Away with you. You do not seek the truth, only your own glory..and those you surround yourself with, they seek their own glory as well. You chased from your side the one that would have stood with you. But you were jealous of what was his. At one time, you were his..." and then the old woman just clucked her tongue and once more shooed her away.**

**"Give me proof, old woman…" she hissed.**

_Just go ahead and open that door and invite this vampire on in...we will give you proof all right. Proof we know how to fuck with your head._

**"Proof, my queen," she laughed. "Proof? A prophecy, instead. Never again will he bathe with you. Never again will you see his smile as he wiggles his…"**

**"Enough!" Catherine cried out, her hand to her mouth. "No, no prophecies…only the truth, please," she sat down in front of the small brazier, "please, how is my beloved? Tell me only the truth."**

_Mountains of bull shit later, and my boy does know how to shovel it, it was time to get down to having some fun. Eric tells Catherine she is cursed and she has to divvy up her newest treasures._

**"You are cursed!" the old blue eyed woman shouted to Thebes. **

_Catherine drew back. We had her attention now. No one could play on her superstitious nature like Eric could. After all, he had planted most of those in her._

**Nodding, the old woman tossed more herbs onto the fire and then fanned the flame. "I can not break this curse. He is not my god, I can not ask him to do this. All must be given to the god this woman worshiped."**

**"Easily enough," she smiled. "Which god do I bestow it too?"**

_Damn, there are times I just love my job...Brother Samuel I know you can hear this. We are making the world right for your Mata Hari. _

**"The slaves that built here worshiped this god. They called him Jehovah."**

_Yes, He is one god you don't ever want to piss off. Brother Samuel has stories. We have a few of our own. Miss Ella is a pistol because no one would understand me if I said she was a sword! Just say'n._

**"Easily enough," she smiled. Raising her face heavenward she spoke out into the universe. "This shall be as the wise woman says, I promise."**

**Smiling, Catherine became more comfortable in her spot. "I feel a tremendous weight has been lifted. I did not know why I felt so out of sorts, now," she smiled again, "now I feel wonderful. Now please, tell me of my lover."**

_Well, yes, I feel myself stiffen with pride. Time to start layering it on because I really am all that!_

**Pamela and Samuel were stationed around the area in the shadows. The Picts flowers were strewn around them and placed in their pockets as well.**

**Pamela was laughing so hard, internally, for a moment she thought she actually had to pee.**

**Samuel had his hand crammed in his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. His brother was a fucking genius!**

.

**"For a lover," the old woman said, "have you something of his?"**

_Are you kidding me, she would go on a rant and destroy anything that we had touched every time we left._

**"Why yes," Catherine smiled, shyly, as she retrieved it from her bosom. "I clipped a piece of his hair. It is ash, now, of course, but it is here in this locket."**

_I do not want to be cut off, I do not want to be cut off, I do not want to be cut off is the mantra I keep repeating so that I do not bust out laughing._

**There were several moments of silence as the old women held the locket and continued to put herbs on the flame and then fan the smoke.**

_We should have been on the stage. Eric is a natural at this. I did not think it was possible but I can play dead. I have stage presence as well. Just say'n_**.**

**Catherine could feel the weight of the old woman's stare on her. "What?" she smiled, "I have questions…" and then those blue eyes pierced her.**

**"You lie to yourself," the old voice stated matter of fact. Her tone giving Catherine no comfort no peace or acknowledgement of what she had just confessed.**

_Fuck me running! Damn, I wish I could be saying those things to her instead of Eric. I have waited over nine hundred years to take attitude with that bitch._

**"Why do you lie to yourself? You know you are only custodian." The voice sounded hollow.**

_We are not only good, we are damn good! Eric can throw his voice. I am so proud of Tongue! _

**Eyes that were now, perhaps, tinged with fear looked at the old woman. "Who are you?" Catherine's voice quivered.**

**"I am the Vampyre Queen and I desire my chamber to be moved to a place where I can hear the ocean pounding on the shores. And the cold, I desire the cold so that there may be a cheery fire in a massive fireplace. I am just so" and the voice took on a menacing tone, "fucking tired of the heat."**

_Oh….fuck…yes! Catherine get your ass busy here in this desert. You are about to receive marching orders. Because the desert is not our home. Our home lies in the far North. The chamber of the vamprie queen is going to lie in the far north. Catherine, your ass is not ever again going to get below the Arctic Circle._

**There were short breathy pants coming from Catherine.**

_Fear radiated out from her. Oh, the Queen of the Old Empire, if she could have peed her pants, she would have._

**Leaning forward, the old woman caught her eyes. "Eric the Norse Man is mine. **

_Damn straight. We are boon companions._

**Katarina," the old woman smiled, "it is the night of the full moon. There is a reason you fear it. On these nights, I can do as I please. And tonight, it pleased me to speak with you. You have tasted his charms. I will allow this and not destroy you. He was magnificent. I know he was. You have indeed, found a consort worthy of me."**

_That is my boy, one million percent. Not only is a woman going to sing our praises, it is going to be Catherine singing our praises._

**"Oh yes, my Queen," she gushed, "he is gentle of spirit yet fierce and passionate in bed. He is hung like a horse and how I did delight in riding him as such." Pausing, she looked into the face that smiled back at her.**

**"Oh fuck me," Pam sighed, "are we fucking there yet? I guess not because here we go."**

**Samuel was sadly shaking his head. "We are going to be here until daybreak. I will have to carry both of them home. If there is one thing Eric likes better than fucking, it is listening to someone tell him just how good he is at fucking. And knowing he has an audience while he is being told just how good he is at fucking."**

**"So, yes," the old woman leaned back against the wall, a dreamy smile on her face, "tell me more of what I have to look forward, too. Truly," and the smile on her face got bigger, "did you say he was bigger than a horse or only hung like a horse?"**

_Catherine wanted to please. She said we were bigger than a horse. Of course, she only speaks truth! _

_The days and nights we have with our Sookie, there is nothing that can compare to them. But this, this little game of subterfuge this evening, with my boy dressed as the old woman and mind fucking Catherine, for that time and place, it came pretty damn close._

.

_King Tut's Tomb came with attitude. None of them had seen the attitude of P. Ravencroft, child of her genius makers, Eric Northman and King Eric. Just say'n what Pamela would say._

_The torches that came on magically in the walls revealed a passage way about three hundred feet long. There was a mummy chained to each side of the wall. There appeared to be a set about every fifty feet leading off into the distance._

**"I am the high priest of Karnack, enter and be cursed to your doom," the one closest to the door screeched.**

**"I am the Jew of New York. I am already cursed with more money than I can spend," Samuel responded as he spread his hand full of salt on the floor as they proceeded.**

**"I am the Viking of Louisiana, I am cursed with a child who has no appreciation of me and my talents and am cursed with a very big dick that all women want," Eric gave in response as he spread salt around.**

"I **am the child of the Viking….are we fucking there yet?" Pam seemed to be having a small problem getting into the spirit of the thing. **

_Some poor schmuck of a mummy spoke out of turn. Oops! Incur the wrath of P. Ravencroft with attitude. Hey, even I had a hard time believing that they would chain the high priest of Karnack out here in the peanut gallery. _

_Sadly, he now had the full attention of P. Ravencroft. Oops! _

**"What is this…you think you are the Sphinx speaking in riddles and spewing your shit….you are fucking dirty rags with a mouth and some hollow eyes." With a torch, she set him on fire. **

**Pamela stood with a torch in her hands looking down the hall with her eyes fixing on each mummy. "Now, I know this cocksucker was not the priest of Karnack. I am not interested in listening to your lies. If we want to know something, we shall ask." She added with a hiss, "The rest of the time, you are to keep silent."**

_The nice thing about traveling with Pamela, she does not frighten nor can she be intimidated. She does, however, frighten and intimidate. All though vampire, she believes a little fire is good for the soul._

_There was silence from the other mummies as they watched their companion burn and Mistress Pamela giving the stink eye to each one._

**"Child," Eric shook his head at her, "perhaps there was more there to learn. Perhaps he had pass codes into places that are needed. Perhaps…"**

_I could only agree with Eric but Pamela is always so full of piss and vinegar. She is a joy to watch! When I look at her I see myself…and I do not mean as a human when I myself was sometimes full of piss and never vinegar._

**"He provides a nice fire, my maker so that we may see to continue our journey. Because we are not there, yet.**

**Seriously," and she seemed just a little put out, "my clothes are by Coco, they deserve to have attitude. These are just some thousands of year old filthy rotten rags with no eye for cut or color. **

**Why he did not comment at all on my cute explorer boots. This is what the women mountain climbers wear." Pam now had a genuine smile as she lifted her foot. "If there was ice, my maker, crimpons would fit right there, see, there is a special groove." **

_We all nodded that yes, we could see exactly what she was talking about. That was actually very clever. _

**"And I could pull us all to safety." Her pride was evident. "I am prepared. Be it mummies or ice flows or even a witch or two. I brought my license, I can fly everyone to safety in a plane and save the day if this is required."**

**Eric arched an eyebrow at her. "Truly, witches child? What did you bring to dispatch them?"**

**"Oh," she shrugged, "only a sword. I will just cut their head off before they can speak." Her eyes once more cut to the mummies. "Just like I will do to the others in here."**

_All you could hear was sobbing echoing down the hall. The mummies had met P. Ravencroft and they were hers to command. They were properly frightened, intimidated, and panic-stricken. That, I thought, was very smart on their part. _

"**So," she grinned, "I am on a grand adventure with my genius maker and his genius brother. And I am prepared. We are about to unearth the greatest treasure trove, ever. There shall be gold and…"**

_As they continued down the heavily hieroglyphic tunnel, Pam stopped and stood and made eye contact into the vacant face of each mummy. She stared at each one until they were properly demoralized. Our girl really is all that!_

**Snarling at each and promising them the same end as the "Priest of Karnack" she sneered, "more like Priest of the Chamber Pot", the mummies pushed themselves as far into the wall as they could. **

**"I will douse you with salt and then fire," she would push herself within inches of their face, "you are to be respectful to my genius maker and his genius brother."**

**"Thank you Child," Eric nodded his head to her. "Mummies can be so distracting. I am happy to see that you have brought them under control."**

**Standing now at the end of the tunnel at a blank wall, Pamela faced back down the tunnel. In her dead Pam voice she said, "There is to be no howling or spewing of curses or yelling to raise the alarm. I will be back to burn you."**

**"Yes," the all sobbed into the encroaching darkness.**

**"Yes what?" her voice was low and deadly.**

**"Yes Mistress Pamela."**

_Samuel tapped on a wall and then reached down into the sand and pulled on something. Part of the wall slid open._

_It was a very small chamber. Tomb raiders had not gotten this far in. Everything was in order as the priests had left it. The boy king was there along with the things he would need on his journey._

_We thought we heard sniffling? We could see Pamela wiping the bloody tears from her eyes._

**"It has been a good adventure," she hiccupped. "We have feed and fucked and left an undersexed and now oversexed harem with wonderful stories to tell about their Sheik and how he will never leave them unfilled. They praise my name every time it is used." She was having a hard time recalling just much that stroked her ego. **

**"We have fooled a queen…" and then she wiped her eyes again. **

**A smile of bravado and false hope was plastered on her face as she wiped her eyes again and looked around the small chamber. "Why, there is some gold plates, uncomfortable looking old furniture and some chariots and spare parts and some solid gold bars, my maker," she hiccupped, again, she was pulling in so much air "…not the palace full I had envisioned." Slowly she was turning in a circle taking in everything in the small room. " I know we are not to take the sarcophagus, all though, I can hear the boy king asking if he is there yet? " Holding in the sobs, she was shaking just a little.**

_We began laughing so hard we are finally able to spit out, "Are we there yet?"_

**Pamela watched as Samuel walked to the back of the room and counting down and over, pushed a stone into place. Another panel slid open. "We are now."**

**Zipping to the opening, Pamela's scream of delight could be heard echoing through the entire tomb, "We are finally there!"**

**The mummies Pamela had threatened had drawn back into themselves. "They have found the chamber," they wept in horror. "They have awakened the keeper of the book of the dead. We are all doomed!"**

_All of us are standing in the entrance to the Bank of the Middle Kingdom and chuckling. Well yes, it does look like all the gold of the Middle Kingdom has been resting peacefully. All that is gong to change._

**Pamela was drooling. "My genius maker and his genius brother. This vault is the size of a palace. I want to run naked through it and then plunge myself on to that huge golden phal…"**

**"Child," Eric put his hand on her shoulder. "We do no enter until Samuel says we may do so. Then you can run naked and be intimate with whatever you so desire."**

**"Enter and die," a voice echoes around the chamber as a wind swirls the cloth banners that are hanging in tatters.**

**"I have entered many such chambers and I am all ready dead," Samuel replies as he takes a hand full of salt and tosses it before him. "And I shall enter this one and many more. Your screamed curses shall not fall on me."**

**"I have entered many women and I am all ready dead," Eric states into the darkness, as he casts out salt, "and I shall enter many more women and listen to them scream my name. I do so enjoy it when they fall on me."**

**"I have entered into the bank of the fucking Middle Kingdom," Pamela laughs in glee, "and I shall enter this one again and again and again," she added just for good measure. Just in case this cocksucker mummy thought she was leaving any gold in here. "And I am going to fall on that huge phallus over there."**

**Eric and Samuel both stopped and looked at Pam. Putting down their lanterns, they applauded.**

**"Nicely done," they both said together.**

_Giving them a shy smile, together they walked out into the darkness, spreading salt and leaving lanterns until the found where they could place and light the torches._

_And so it is that the boy king was left in the small chamber and his treasure came home with us and was melted down on the voyage back to the States. A couple of mummies made the trip with us as well. One actually went home with Pamela and became her boon companion._

_._

_Today is July 24th, the birthday of Miss Pamela's great and good friend, Miss Amelia Earhart. _

_This story has a bitter sweet ending. Ms. Desireecarbenell asked if it was known what happened to Miss Earhart. Sadly, the last correspondence Pamela had from her was post marked from Lae. _

_When Miss Earhart was declared missing, Pamela immediately launched her own search team in hopes of finding her friend. The Weres and Shifters that she hired found nothing. Miss Earhart remains, today, a mystery. _

_Miss Earhart was a true inspiration not only to our child, but to women around the world. She did the impossible and showed other females that they could do so as well. _

_Touching something in Pamela, she left her mark on her, just as she did on countless others, I am sure._

_I never saw Pamela give her heart again, in such a way to a female friend, until Miss Sookie came along. _

_Now, there is a tall telling!_


End file.
